Secrets And Lies
by Athena Alexandria
Summary: AU Season One.  Kate is coming back from her honeymoon with Kevin when the plane crashes, separating them.  Soon after, she meets Jack, but what happens when she starts falling for him? Jate.
1. Chapter 1

I know you all want to see what's going to happen now that Kate is back (and you will – soon!), but we're up to Catch-22 here, so I'm not all as in love with Jate angst as I was a few weeks ago. I tried to finish chapter 13, but ended up finishing chapter 1 of the long awaited Kevin story instead, so I hope that it's almost as good.

I was going to have him go to the bathroom or something like Bernard, but then I realised that it would be much cooler if I wove the mystery of what he was doing out of his seat into the overall plot. Everything fell into place after that, so I'm pretty excited.

I'm going to do my best to juggle both fics on top of my coursework, so please be patient, and review! That's always encouraging!

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Chapter 1. Like A Dream 

The last thing Kate remembered before she blacked out was the screech of metal as the tail was ripped from the plane. It had crashed then, she knew, but that didn't explain what she was doing alone in a tropical jungle.

Her back felt bruised from the rocks and bits of wood she could feel pressing into her skin through the fabric of her shirt, and her skull ached; when she put a hand to her hair, she could feel that it was matted with clumps of dried blood. There was a wound somewhere, but the pain made it hard to locate, sending ribbons of agony down into her eyes when she tried to sit up. Her legs were weak, but unharmed; she had to use a tree for leverage to stand, scrabbling at the bark with her bloody fingers until she found her feet.

Everything around her was still and silent: hyper-real, like in a dream. Looking around her at the untouched clearing, she was almost certain that if she tried hard enough, she would open her eyes to find Kevin's arms around her as he bucked her into her seatbelt, his lips brushing her ear as he whispered that they were almost home. It couldn't be real, because that meant…

No.

She was going to wake up soon, and then, when she told him about the nightmare, they would laugh about it and that would be that. They would catch a connecting flight back to Miami and everything would be fine. He would go back to work at the police station, and she would start trying to find a place for all of the linen and kitchen appliances that had descended on their living room since the wedding. She might even allow him to reopen the baby discussion, even though she knew it was unlikely that there was anything he could say to change her mind.

When the cabin failed to rematerialise, she wasn't sure what to do, so she started to walk. She couldn't hear any signs of life other than the birds, so she just concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other until she woke up, or came across someone who could explain what was happening. She didn't really care, not when she knew it was all in her head, but it was the most interesting dream she'd ever had, so she figured she might as well go along for the ride. Kevin loved all of those B-grade diaster movies; he'd probably be a little jealous.

As dreamlike as it all seemed, though, the one thing that she couldn't convince herself was imagined was the pain in her head. That felt real, especially the way it didn't subside, worsening until she stumbled onto the beach, her skull throbbing so violently that she could hardly see. She felt like she was going to be sick, her stomach heaving as she struggled to focus on the movement in front of her; she could just make out a series of dark shapes before she lost consciousness again, a pair of strong male arms keeping her from pitching forward into the sand.

* * *

When Kate came to again, the warm brown eyes she found herself staring into weren't Kevin's, but those of a stranger, a man a few years older than her husband.

"Good, you're awake," he said, looking relieved as he knelt over her, setting aside a bloody rag. "Can you hear me?"

Her throat was parched, so she nodded, trying to sit up, the movement sending a jolt of pain through her skull. Giving up, she relaxed, letting her head come to rest on the balled up jacket the stranger had placed under it.

"Don't try to move," he instructed her gently, wiping his hands on the sides of his suit pants. "Can you tell me your name?"

"Kate," she managed to croak out, realising too late that it was the wrong one. She wasn't Kate anymore, she was Monica, Monica Callis – at least that was what it said on her passport. If her brain had been working properly, she would have told him that, but it was too late now to retract it.

Of course there was no way the stranger could know that this wasn't what she'd meant to say. "Okay, Kate," he said, giving her a friendly smile. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

She could see his hand, but it took her a moment to focus on the details, her eyes still bleary from waking up. "Four."

"Good," he agreed, his smile brightening as he reached for a water bottle. "You have a minor concussion, but other than that, you're doing pretty well," he told her as he unscrewed the cap, lifting it to her lips. "I want you to drink some of this, but not too much, okay?"

She wasn't sure why she trusted him, but she did, so she complied, coughing as she took a sip of the water.

When she was done, he set the bottle aside with the cloth. "You had me worried when you passed out like that," he continued, his brow furrowing slightly at the memory, "there was so much blood I thought you must have fractured your skull on impact."

Her earlier confusion returned to her then, and she squinted at him, trying to process this last comment. "Impact? What...?"

"The plane crashed," he explained, looking uncertain, as if afraid her concussion was worse than he thought. "You don't remember?"

"I remember, but that wasn't… it didn't… it was a dream," she stammered, her eyes pleading with him not to contradict her. She knew how stupid it must have sounded, but she wouldn't allow herself to entertain any other possibility.

"It wasn't a dream, Kate," he told her gently, his confused expression morphing into concern when she pushed his hands away, struggling to sit up.

"No, you don't understand," she said, scrambling to her feet, her eyes darting around wildly as she took in the beach, the jungle, what was left of the plane. "Kevin… my husband… he…" It had to be a dream. It couldn't be real, not when the word still sounded so foreign to her. They'd only been married for two weeks. She couldn't lose him, not yet, not after her mom and Tom. Life wasn't supposed to work that way.

"He what, Kate?" the stranger prompted her gently, taking hold of her arm to keep her from falling again. "Was he on the plane with you? Do you want someone to help you find him, is that it?"

She couldn't find the words to say what she really meant, what she was afraid that she meant, so she nodded.

"What does he look like?" he asked, a flicker of something like pity passing through his eyes. There were a lot of bodies on the beach and still in the plane. He thought Kevin was one of them. "I was down there before – maybe I saw him."

Cold fear invaded her insides, so she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as she tried to picture him exactly as he was on the plane, instead of the way she was afraid she would find him, if she found him at all: his smile, his voice, the way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he laughed.

"He's tall… taller than you, I think, I don't remember," she began once she was feeling calmer, but her voice shook as she tried not to cry. "He has brown hair and brown eyes… he's a cop," she added, even though she wasn't sure that he would see this detail as important. It probably wasn't to him, but that was who Kevin was: if he were alive somewhere, and unhurt, she knew that he wouldn't be one of the gawkers. He would be out there helping the other survivors like this man was.

"That's good, but you're going to have to narrow it down a little," he said, his brow creasing in frustration at her vague description. "How old is he?"

"Thirty-four... no, thirty-five. It was his birthday a couple of weeks ago," she told him; she could almost see the gears turning in his head as he matched faces to this information. No dice. "All of the guys I saw walking around down there were in their twenties, or much older. Does he have any scars, tattoos, piercings? Anything that would make him stand out in a crowd?"

When she shook her head, he added, his voice softer now, "I know this is hard for you, Kate, but it's important. What row were you in?"

She shuddered at the implication of his words, trying not to take them to heart. "Twenty-five, but he wasn't in his seat when we… crashed. He got up a couple of minutes before we hit turbulence. Said he'd be right back." But he wasn't. She bit her lip, trying to hold herself together at the realisation that it was probably her fault. He'd spent the last few weeks trying to make sure that their honeymoon was perfect: what if it was all because of one of his stupid surprises? She should have told him no. She should have told him to stay put, played the needy, co-dependent wife, instead of being so low maintenance all of the time.

"Do you know where he went?" the stranger said, squeezing her shoulder gently. "He might've sat down somewhere until it passed."

She shook her head again, tears sliding down her cheeks as the memory of the screams washed over her, followed by the tail ripping loose. It wasn't here on the beach with what was left of the fuselage. For all they knew, it was at the bottom of the ocean somewhere. "No, he didn't say," she whispered, so that he had to lean in to hear her. "But the last time I saw him, he was headed to the back of the plane."

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Next chapter: The first night on the island. Kate learns more about Jack (starting with his name!) and he makes her a promise. 


	2. Chapter 2

Wow! I'm glad you're all enjoying the story so far. I won't spoil the plot, but hopefully by the end of this chapter you'll have a better idea where I'm going with it...

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Chapter 2. Preparing For The Worst 

Sitting by the light of one of the campfires that evening, Kate still couldn't believe that this was happening, that Kevin was gone. It had been six hours since the crash, and he still hadn't appeared; watching the tree line that afternoon, she had waited for him to wander dazed and dishevelled from the jungle like she had, but so far, that hadn't happened.

Shifting her attention to her left hand, she fidgeted with her wedding band, remembering the look on his face as he slipped it onto her finger. He was so happy then, so content; she'd never felt as loved or as wanted as she had at the moment, even if it was a lie. Even if she wasn't who he thought she was.

She wished she could go back to that day and tell him not to take her to Australia for their honeymoon, that she would have preferred somewhere closer to home, like Hawaii or Las Vegas. That would have been fun. They could have had a tacky second wedding at one of the casinos, then spent the rest of the week celebrating in their hotel room. If only she had, then they would be home now, having dinner with his mother, instead of…

Her thoughts were so focused on Kevin that she didn't hear the man who treated her after the crash drop down into the sand beside her, draping a blue airline blanket around her shoulders. "How're you feeling?" he asked, seeming to realise how ridiculous this sounded as he flushed, adding, "Your head, I mean."

The pain in her skull was nothing compared to the tightness in her chest when she thought of Kevin, so she said, "Better," hoping that he would take the hint and go check on someone else, but he didn't, offering her a kind smile.

"Good, because without a CAT scan or an MRI I'm a little out of my depth."

"You're a doctor?" she asked, curious in spite of herself, glancing over at him for the first time since he'd joined her by the fire. That would explain their meeting earlier, and the authority in his tone when he'd told her she was suffering from a concussion.

"A spinal surgeon," he corrected her, looking bashful as he added, "I know, for all the good it'll do me here. My dad always said I would've made a better G.P – maybe I should've listened to him." He laughed, but the sound was hollow and bitter, his expression darkening almost imperceptibly at the mention of his father.

There was a story behind that, Kate realised, but she knew better than to ask.

She allowed herself to crack a tiny smile at what was obviously an attempt to distract her, if only to make him feel better. "It could be worse, you could be unemployed like me – then you'll really have something to offer."

He looked uncomfortable hearing her be so self-deprecating, so he said, "So you're a housewife… sorry, Domestic Coordinator they call them nowadays, right?"

It wasn't all that funny, but he was sweet, so she rewarded him with another weak smile, causing him to break into a grin of his own. He had a nice smile; it reminded her a little of Kevin's. Both were boyish, making the wearer look younger, though in the surgeon's case, it was weighed down by something else. Sadness, maybe, or guilt. Those were two emotions she'd a lot of experience with herself.

"For want of a better term," she agreed, resisting the urge to add "among other things". That would lead to too many questions, questions she couldn't answer. "My husband informs me that he wants at least six kids, so he's not all that eager to see me go back to work."

A pang gripped her heart at the thought of her husband, but she forced herself to remain in control. If she wanted their marriage to work, she was going to have to get used to not knowing where he was all the time, or what he was doing, or even if he was okay. She couldn't convince herself that he was dead every time he failed to show up for dinner; the time they spent on this island was good practice.

"Six, wow – that's a lot," the surgeon said, looking slightly incredulous as he ran his fingers through his close-cropped hair. "How many do you have?"

He was just trying to make polite conversation with her, to keep her mind off the crash, but his words struck a nerve. More than one nerve, actually, since she knew that even one child would be too many under the circumstances. "None," she told him softly, withdrawing from him again as she added, "We only just got married. This trip was supposed to be our honeymoon."

"Some honeymoon," he said, looking sad as his eyes fell on the wreckage in front of them. "I'm sorry, Kate. You seem like you were really happy."

"I am happy," she corrected him, losing patience with his pitying look. Kevin wasn't dead, not until he could show her a body. "If we survived, then why not the people in the back of the plane?"

"It is possible that they ended up on the island too, I guess," he agreed diplomatically, his voice slow and even, as if he thought his words might cause her to snap. She probably sounded crazy, she realised, like a grief-stricken widow in denial about her husband's death, but she didn't care, not while there was still a chance of finding Kevin alive.

"I just don't think you should get your hopes up," he continued gently, his dark eyes sympathetic. It would have been sweet if she thought that she deserved his pity. "Even if there are other survivors, there could be miles of jungle between here and there – without a plane or a helicopter to narrow the search grid, we could be out there for days." He licked his lips, looking uncomfortable as he added, "I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, Kate, but our best bet is to wait for Search and Rescue. They have the manpower and the resources to deal with it."

He was right, that wasn't what she wanted to hear. She couldn't just sit there doing nothing, not until she knew what happened to her husband. She deserved answers, his family, deserved answers. "What did you say your name was again?"

"I didn't," he reminded her, looking distinctly uncomfortable at what he must have realised was coming. "It's Jack."

"So, Jack, if someone you loved was out there, lost, you wouldn't do everything in your power to bring them home?" she pressed, disappointed that in spite of all the heroic behaviour she'd witnessed from him since the crash, he was going to refuse to help her with something this important; to help them. Even though she hadn't known him very long, her initial impression was that he was a better man than that. "You'd just sit on the beach and wait for someone else to take care of it?"

He gave her a strange look, her words seeming to resonate with him on a deeper level than the one she'd intended. "Okay," he agreed, after a long moment, though he still didn't look happy about it, "if you think you can figure out which way the tail went, I'll come with you. But just in case, I want you to prepare yourself for the worst."

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I really want to avoid rehashing season one, so I thought it would be interesting if they actually went looking for the Tailies rather than the cockpit... ;) 


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for the reviews. Starting this chapter, I'm going to introduce some of the other survivors, although most of them won't play a very big role in this story. I'm actually thinking of having just Jack and Kate go after the Tailies so that I can develop their relationship without someone else in the way, but if you really want Charlie or someone to come along, let me know.

By the way, Kevin was the one who wanted six kids, bonboni. Kate doesn't want any right now, for obvious reasons. I just wanted to show that even though they love each another, they want differnent things, which is a source of unhappiness for Kate because she can't even talk to him about it without telling him about her past... ;)

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Chapter 3. Hey! 

To Kate's relief, the sun rose early the next morning; in spite of Jack's promise, she hadn't been able to sleep, thinking about Kevin, but with only the signal fire and the stars to illuminate the beach, it was too dark to do anything else.

Jack was still stretched out on his side a few feet away, his head resting on his arm, so she left the bay where the survivors had slept clustered together without waking him, searching for something that would take her mind off of Kevin long enough for her to figure out how to find him.

Half the camp was already up, scrounging through the wreckage for personal items; watching them, she decided that recovering their luggage wouldn't be a bad use of her time. Earlier that week, Kevin's mother had sent them copies of some of the wedding pictures: if she had those, she could start asking people if they'd seen him, maybe even show them to Jack so that he knew who it was that they were looking for. If he could put a face to the name, she thought, he might be a little more willing to help her, instead of trying to convince her that her husband was dead.

After more than sixteen hours on the beach, half of that in the sun, the bodies were beginning to deteriorate; stepping down into the crash site, Kate pulled her collar up over her face so that she wouldn't have to breathe in the stench. Each time she shifted a piece of wreckage so that she could search underneath it, she half expected to come face to face with Kevin's lifeless form, but as she made her way closer to the fuselage, it seemed like she would thankfully be spared that experience. If Kevin was dead, he wasn't on the beach.

She had just noticed a black suitcase that looked like his wedged underneath an upturned seat when a blonde man jumped down from the cabin, beating her to it.

"Hey!" she cried when he proceeded to undo the zip, dumping its contents unceremoniously into the sand. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"What the hell does it look like I'm doin'?" he countered in a deep, southern drawl as he riffled through each of the pockets. "I'm salvagin'."

"Not from that suitcase you're not," she snapped, snatching Kevin's camera out of his hand. If those were the last pictures of him ever taken, she wasn't going to let some hillbilly hock it for spare change. "It's mine."

"I may look like an idiot, Sweetheart, but I think I know a woman's bag when I see one," he drawled, holding up one of Kevin's oversized sneakers to illustrate his point.

"That stuff belonged – _belongs_ – to my husband," she explained, catching sight of the envelop she was looking for; before he could follow her eyes and realise that it was important to her, she shifted her gaze back to him.

"Well that ain't exactly _yours_, then," he told her with a dimpled smile, adding a razor and a couple of tubes of sunscreen to his stash. "Seems to me that if your old man were any kind of gentleman, he would've come in here for it himself."

"So? What's your point?" she asked, irritated that he wouldn't just give it back to her. "My point, _Freckles_," he said with an obnoxious smirk, "is that I don't think you got a husband. I think you're down here for the same reason as me. Why else would you be this close to ground zero?"

He reached out for the camera again, and this time, she let him take it, repulsed by the idea that he thought she was like him, that she wanted to profit off of other people's deaths. She'd done a lot of terrible things in her life, but stealing from the dead wasn't one of them. "I don't care what you think," she shot back when she recovered from the shock of being read so well by a stranger, at least where it came to her being a criminal. "I just want that bag." She was considering making a grab for it when she heard a familiar voice behind her.

"Is this guy bothering you, Kate?"

She turned to see Jack striding towards them through the wreckage, concern etched across his face. It was sweet that he cared so much about her, especially when they'd only met the day before, but Kate couldn't help wondering why he thought she was his problem. It wasn't like she couldn't take care of herself.

"He has our luggage," she complained, her eyes still on the southerner, not realising how it sounded until he smirked again, his attention focused on Jack as he said, "So this is him, the guy who sent you to do his dirty work – what a catch."

Even though he didn't fully understand what the southerner meant, Kate could see that Jack was tensing for a fight. "Just give her what she wants," he said in a clipped tone, as if he were trying to keep his anger under wraps.

"Like I'm sure you do," the southerner countered in a sarcastic tone, making the innuendo clear.

Kate saw Jack tense again, clenching his fists. "Get the bag, Kate, and let's go," he ground out, staring the southerner down as she gathered up Kevin's belongings.

He waited until she left the crash site to catch up to her, jogging up alongside her. "What an ass. Did you get everything?"

"Minus a couple of tubes of sunscreen," she told him as she dropped down into the sand at the top of the beach. "Thanks."

"No problem." He watched as she unzipped the suitcase and dug out the yellow envelope, smoothing the creases before opening it. "What are those?"

Taking the one off the top, she held it out for him to see. It was a picture of the two of them outside the church, right after the ceremony. "Kevin's mother sent them to our hotel so that we could proof them," she explained, wondering what she was going to tell her if Jack was right. She doted on Kevin; on all of her boys; it would break her heart if he didn't come home.

"That's him? Kevin?" Jack asked, sitting down beside her as he took the picture from her.

"That's him." She was so overcome by gloomy thoughts of him again that she almost didn't notice the way Jack's brow furrowed as he studied it, his expression troubled. It was almost as if he recognised him, she thought, though she knew that that was impossible. She'd only left Kevin's side once at the airport, to go to the bathroom, and he hadn't mentioned talking to anyone afterwards. "What?" she asked when he looked up again, returning it to her without saying anything.

"Nothing." He shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. "I can just see why he wanted six kids, that's all. He's a good-looking guy, and you're…" Seeming to think better of whatever he was going to say, he trailed off, staring out at the ocean.

"I'm what?" she asked curiously: beautiful? Hideous? Lucky that a guy like that would want her?

But he didn't answer, colouring slightly as he pushed himself to his feet. "We should go talk to some of the others," he said, all business again, "see if they remember anything about the crash that we don't. One of them might have an idea of where we should start looking for the tail."

He didn't wait for her to get up as he started back towards the fuselage, closing the distance in long, brisk strides, leaving her to wonder what it was that he was so afraid to say, not just about Kevin, but about her.

* * *

Don't worry, Sawyer will not be turning it into a really creepy love quadrangle (three guys and one girl is a bit much!). I just thought it would be a cool cameo, given how he was in early season one. 

Next chapter (s): Jack and Kate meet some of the other survivors.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for the reviews, for both stories. I'm glad you all enjoyed the epilogue. I would have updated this sooner, but after posting something like seven chapters in as many days I felt like I needed to take a few days off. ;)

As promised, there're some more familiar faces in this chapter, and a couple of Jate moments. For those of you who are getting impatient, it'll be the second last beach one, then, in chapter 6, they'll head off.

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Chapter 4. Selective Amnesia 

The more people that she and Jack spoke to, Kate noticed, the more distinctive the pattern became. Either they had blacked out like her, and weren't conscious during the actual crash, or like Jack, they didn't remember anything after the plane started to lose altitude.

"You see it in trauma patients all the time," he explained as they made their way further up the beach, to a new group. "I'm not sure what the technical term for it is – psychology was never my strong suit – but it's not uncommon for people to develop a kind of selective amnesia after living through an event like this."

His words were meant to comfort her, but Kate felt herself getting more and more frustrated by the idea. "So what do we do if no one remembers anything?" she asked, remembering what he'd said the night before, about not wanting to go into the jungle blind. "We just give up?"

"No, we try something else," he told her patiently, flashing her a gentle, reassuring smile. "If Kevin's alive, we'll find him, Kate, I promise. It just might take a while." His smile wavered at Kevin's name, and an uncomfortable silence fell over them, causing him to look away, towards the ocean.

"Do you mind if we take a little detour?" he asked finally, his eyes falling on a blonde girl curled up on a bank of airplane seats. "There's someone I really should talk to."

Curious as to their connection, Kate followed him down the edge of the surf, where the girl was writing in a little book suspended over her heavily pregnant belly. She was too young to be in a relationship with him; even though Jack's colouring was darker, Kate thought that there was a slight resemblance there, but when Jack spoke, it was with the kind of politeness normally reserved for strangers.

"Hey, Claire."

Sliding her pen into the book to mark her place, she looked up at Jack, her face breaking into a grin. "Hi. Jack, right?" When she struggled to sit up fully, Jack took her arm, helping her shift her weight.

"You remember?" he asked, looking surprised.

She flashed him a grateful smile as he let go. "Of course I remember. You only saved my—our—" she amended, cupping her belly with her free hand, "—lives. I would've been crushed by that wing if you hadn't dragged me out of the way."

Her face was full of such unadulterated admiration that Jack looked away, letting out a self-deprecating laugh as he stared down at the sand. He was so unaware of how amazing he was that, while she wasn't going to start gushing like Claire, Kate couldn't help admiring him too.

"Looks like your contractions stopped," he said, changing the subject when he looked up again.

"Yup. Yesterday, thank God," Claire agreed, letting out an exaggerated sigh. She set the book down against her thigh, prodding at her belly with one finger. "Now if he would just start kicking again it'll all be good." Her brow creased in concern as she waited, seeming to feel nothing. "You don't think it means anything that he's not, do you?"

She looked so young that Kate couldn't help feeling sorry for her, facing the possibility of losing her baby after everything they'd been through. At the same time, she found herself feeling a little envious, because in spite of everything she'd said to Kevin since the wedding, she really would have liked to start a family with him.

Jack must have felt sorry for Claire too, because even though he looked like he agreed with her, he said, "No, not necessarily – just try to take it easy for a while, and let me know if there's no change."

She relaxed a little on hearing this, seeming to take his word for it as she sank back into her seat. "Is this your wife?" she asked, looking curious as she glanced over at Kate.

Jack coloured slightly, and Kate could feel herself flushing too. Everyone they spoke to seemed to think they were a couple, even though they'd only known each other a grand total of about eighteen hours.

"No, this is Kate," Jack explained, recovering first. "Her husband was in the back of the plane when it crashed." Kate felt her stomach tighten again when Claire offered her a sympathetic smile, as if she too believed he was dead. "We're actually thinking of heading out into the jungle to look for it – you don't happen to remember anything from when the tail broke off, do you?"

Claire closed her eyes, shuddering. "No. I remember feeling the air rushing past me, and hearing people screaming, but I didn't look, if that's what you mean."

Out of the corner of her eye, Kate saw Jack glance over at her, concerned at how she might be handling this, but she ignored him, staring out at the ocean as she only half listened. So far this morning, she'd had to endure at least ten different accounts of what happened when they lost the tail, not one of them useful. If it was all for nothing, she wasn't sure she could hear any more.

"Sorry if I embarrassed you when I asked if you were married," she heard Claire say to Jack. "You guys just seem so comfortable together I thought…"

"It's okay, it's an easy mistake to make," Jack cut in, and Kate saw him glance over at her again, looking guilty this time. "If there's nothing you remember, we should probably keep going."

After saying goodbye to Claire, he turned back to Kate. "If we're going to do this, I want to head out before it gets dark."

He didn't seem to know what to say to her after the mix up with Claire, so once they were out of earshot she said, teasing him, "So you saved her life, huh?"

He lost his awkwardness in favour of embarrassment, running a hand over his hair. "Not really. It wasn't as big a deal as she made it sound – I just helped her get out of the way."

Once again, Kate was impressed by down to earth he was. He didn't seem to have an ego, or if he did, he kept it well hidden. "Yeah, well, you obviously didn't see the way her face lit up when you came over to talk to her. It was a big deal to her," she told him, her smile turning wistful as she added, "Must be nice, fixing people, saving lives."

"Yeah?" He let out another laugh as he asked, "What makes you say that?"

It wasn't something she wanted to talk about, so she shrugged. "I just wouldn't say the difference I make in people's lives is positive."

Jack looked over at her again, surprised, and curious, at this.

He probably thinks I'm just being hard on myself, she thought bitterly. If only he knew…

"I don't believe that for a second, Kate," he said in a tone that was so warm and kind and not what she deserved that it made her want to burst into tears. "You must have made a difference in Kevin's life."

She couldn't tell him the truth, that she had, by lying to him, so she said, squeezing her eyes shut to keep from crying, "If I hadn't married him, he wouldn't've been on that plane…"

She opened them again when he put a hand lightly on her bicep, his brown eyes full of sympathy. "Hey, this isn't your fault. You didn't know the plane was going to crash."

He was being so sweet and forgiving that for some reason she wanted to break down and tell him everything: who she was, what she'd done, how she'd hurt the people she loved, but she couldn't, so she settled for letting him in on the fear that had been plaguing her since the crash. "What if it is? I still don't know where he went before we crashed – what if it had something to do with me?"

His hand slipped from her arm, his expression a mixture of sadness, guilt and pity as he stared up the beach, steeling his courage for whatever he was going to say. "Kate, there's something I should—"

It was the second time he'd started to tell her something about Kevin, but before he could finish, he was interrupted by a Middle Eastern man in a stained wife beater. "Excuse me," he said in his accented English as he came to meet them a few paces ahead of the group. "Did I hear that you're planning on going into the jungle?"

Jack stopped at these words, looking surprised. "That's right, as soon as we can get a lead on the tail."

The Middle Eastern man frowned. "Are you sure that's wise? The rescuers…"

"If it's on the island somewhere, there could be survivors," Jack explained with the same stubbornness as the previous night, only this morning, his position was reversed. "We need to make sure they get picked up too."

Behind them, a blonde man in a striped shirt stood up from the piece of wreckage he was sitting on. "The bloody tail broke off in mid-air! How could anyone survive that?" he said in a thick British accent.

"Hey!" Jack flashed him a warning look, gesturing to Kate. "This woman's husband was in the back of the plane. A little empathy."

"Oh, right." Cringing, the British man flicked his eyes over to Kate. "Sorry."

When the Middle Eastern man followed this up with a sympathetic look that might as well have been his condolence, she thought about reminding them all that they didn't know Kevin was dead, but decided that there was no point. They would continue to believe whatever they wanted to believe, so she just nodded to show the British man that she was okay.

Waiting for them to move on to something more productive, Kate glanced in the direction of the jungle, noticing, for the first time, an Asian woman kneeling on the outskirts of the group, sifting through a pile of luggage. She flashed Kate a sad smile when she saw her looking at her, as if she'd heard what Jack said about Kevin, but when Kate tried to make eye contact with her, she returned her attention to her work, ignoring her.

Figuring that she must be shy, or that it was a cultural thing, Kate shrugged, tuning back into the conversation in time to hear the Middle Eastern man say, "If you're going to search for the tail, then I would like to come with you."

Seemingly annoyed at his interference, Jack ran his fingers over his hair, offering him a polite smile. "Thanks, but we've got it."

The other man's expression darkened, his tone taking on a hint of menace. "I wasn't asking for your permission."

Jack looked taken aback by his quiet assurance, as if he wasn't expecting further argument, and Kate couldn't help wondering if the other man was a soldier of some kind. She'd been around enough military men in her life to recognise one when she saw one, and he had that vibe about him.

"I'm sure you have your reasons for wanting to come along," Jack said, and Kate could tell that he was trying to be diplomatic in case their new friend was dangerous, "but someone has to stay behind to talk to the rescuers. I don't think it would be a bad idea to send a group out to the cockpit, either – if we had the transceiver, we could radio for help."

The Middle Eastern man nodded, considering this. "I'll go," he said finally. "I was a communications officer in the military – if we find the transceiver, I might be able to get it working."

Seemingly relieved that they'd been able to come up with a plan they both agreed on, Jack nodded. "Good."

After exchanging names, the two men parted ways, Jack continuing his rounds with Kate while the Middle Eastern man, Sayid, headed off to make his own preparations. The British man followed, and as he scurried after him, Kate heard him say, "I'll come with you," to which Sayid shook his head, the two men arguing all the way to the fuselage.

* * *

So there you have it: Claire, Charlie, Sayid and Sun (as you might have guessed, we haven't seen the last of her!). I know a few of you wanted Hurley, but I don't get the whole California slacker thing so I find him hard to write. Maybe later, if it fits. I was going to include Locke, but this is when he was still in his creepy silent phase, so I figured he wouldn't be much help... 


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for the reviews. In answer to the question a lot of you seem to be asking, I'm not sure if I'll put Sawyer in it again. I hadn't planned on another appearance, but I will bring him back if it fits and that's what people want. In answer to the question about Jack and Kevin, you'll have to wait and see. ;) Jack does have some potentially devestating information about him, but I'm waiting for the right moment to reveal it...

* * *

Chapter 5. Secrets

When Kate found her own bag just before sunset, the first thing she did was head further up the beach to a secluded cove where she could change and wash the blood out of her hair. Jack was off talking to Sayid about their respective missions; there was no one else around, so she stripped down to her underwear, letting the waves lap over her, washing away the stresses of the past twenty-four hours. She still wasn't any closer to finding Kevin, but closing her eyes, switching off her thoughts, she felt almost human again, the pain in her heart fading to a dull ache.

There was blood on her shirt from the wound on her scalp, staining the water red, so she tossed into onto the shore with her dry clothes, figuring that Jack could use it for gauze or bandages or something. The hem of her skirt was in tatters from her trek through the jungle, the side slit higher than she would have preferred, so she balled it up and used it as a washcloth, scrubbing the grime from her skin.

When her fingers began to prune, she waded out of the ocean, pulling a clean pair of jeans, her underwear leaving damp patches across the back. Fastening the zip, she noticed, out of the corner of her eye, that someone was watching her; afraid that Jack, or one of the other guys, like that redneck from the fuselage, had stumbled across her in her state of undress, she looked up to see the Asian woman standing a few yards away.

"Hey," she called, wondering if her bathing in public was somehow offensive to her, "Are you okay? Do you need something?"

When the other woman didn't say anything, averting her eyes, she finished with her jeans and yanked on the old t-shirt she'd dug out the bottom of her suitcase, tucking her hair into a loose ponytail. After months of trying to look like a real girl for Kevin, it was almost a relief to be back in what she considered her own clothes, though the circumstances prevented her from enjoying it as much as she would on an ordinary day.

She ignored the other woman as she crept closer, timid, like a small child, gathering her discarded clothes. When she looked up at her again, she was standing right in front of her, her dark eyes wide and nervous.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop," she said in heavily accented English, surprising Kate with her fluency, "but I heard someone say that your husband was in the back of the plane."

Unsure what to say, Kate nodded, afraid that she was going to have to endure another expression of sympathy. She seemed to be the only one who believed that there could be other survivors; even though Jack had sided with her earlier, she knew he still had his doubts. He was a scientist, after all, and there was no evidence to support it.

"You're very brave," the Asian woman continued with a rueful smile. "If it was my husband who was missing, I think I would be falling apart."

Thinking back, Kate remembered seeing her with a man who must have been her husband; he was yelling at her, and she was just standing there staring at the sand, taking it. She was obviously very devoted. If she could fall apart over someone who treated her like that, Kate wondered what it said about her that she was coping without Kevin. Not just coping, but calm.

"If you'd asked me yesterday, I would have said the same thing," she told her sadly, wishing she could believe that it was courage and not cowardice that was keeping her from losing it at the prospect of Kevin's death.

"You must love him very much to go into the jungle to find him," her companion added, and Kate wondered if this were true. She loved Kevin, but it wasn't love that was motivating her quest to find him, it was guilt: guilt for getting involved with him when she knew that she shouldn't, for lying to him and jeopardizing his career, for setting him up for heartbreak when all he wanted was a family and a happy ending. As much as she hated the idea of his life being snuffed out two weeks into their marriage, it was almost a relief when she considered the alternative.

She didn't know how to respond, so she said the one thing that she knew was undoubtedly true. "He's a good man. He'd do the same for me."

This obviously wasn't the answer the other woman was expecting; she looked at her curiously, her eyes free of judgement at what was as good as an admission that she didn't love Kevin the same way he loved her. Her empathy was unnerving, so much so that Kate wanted out of the conversation, so she said, "Is that what you came here to talk about? Kevin?" It was hard to think of a reason why the other woman would be so interested.

She stared down at the sand, embarrassed. "No. I came here to tell you that I saw some smoke yesterday, on the other side of the island. I'm not very good with directions, but I think it was north west."

Kate's breath caught in her throat, and it was all she could do to keep herself from hugging this strange woman. "How sure are you about that?" she asked, trying not to get too excited at the prospect of having something concrete to tell Jack. She doubted he'd be willing to set out this close to dark, but they could still leave as early as first light tomorrow.

"Pretty sure."

Kate broke into a grin on hearing these words, relieved that she wouldn't have to spend another day worrying on the beach. "You have no idea what this means to me," she said, feeling her eyes begin to tear up with relief. "Thank you so much…?"

"Sun," the other woman supplied.

"…Sun," Kate finished, rewarding her with a warm smile. "I'm Kate."

Sun offered her a small smile in return, growing nervous again as she added, "Please don't tell anyone I told you. My husband… he doesn't know I speak English. He would be very angry if he found out I have not been honest with him."

Kate didn't hesitate in reassuring her that she would keep her secret. After all, she wasn't the only one who had been less than honest with her husband.

* * *

It was a few hours before Kate saw Jack again, night falling over the campsite without any sign of him, Sayid or the British man, whose name, Claire told her, was Charlie. She seemed quite smitten with him; it was cute, especially when she didn't appear to have had much luck with guys in the past.

Kate was sitting at one of the fires, using Tom's plane and Sun's tip to react the crash when Jack came up the beach, catching her off guard.

"What's that?" he asked when he saw the tiny silver object in her hand; it was too late to hide it, so she opened her palm, feeling more exposed than she would have if he'd come across her bathing when he picked it up and studied it curiously. She'd never shown it to anyone, not even Kevin, not since Tom's death, and here was Jack, a near stranger, handling it, trying to guess at its meaning.

"It's nothing," she told him sharply when he handed it back to her, slipping it into the backpack she'd packed for tomorrow's trek, but she could tell that he didn't believe her.

"Okay," he agreed, looking miffed as he sat down in the sand beside her, but he backed off, changing the subject. "We think we've figured out where the cockpit landed," he said, staring out at the dark waves. "Sayid and Charlie are going to check it out first thing tomorrow morning. I took a couple of flying lessons a while ago, so I was thinking of going with them in case they need help with the transceiver."

"You can't," Kate told him quickly, snapping out the funk she'd slipped into on having one of her most painful memories treated so casually.

When he looked back at her, surprised, she added, remembering the promise she'd made to Sun, "Su…omeone told me they saw smoke on the other side of the island, north west of here. You said the cockpit wasn't far, so it had to've been coming from the tail."

Jack nodded, considering this. "We'll need to ask around, see if anyone has a compass, but that should be enough to go on for now," he said seriously, still deep in thought. "It's too late to do anything about it tonight, but if you still want to do this, we'll get some supplies and leave with Sayid at first light."

He flashed her a warm smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "It's going to be okay, Kate. We're going to find him – all of them."

* * *

Next chapter: the adventure really begins...


	6. Chapter 6

Ah, the smoke monster… yes, that is coming up to put Jack and Kate in a rather compromising position. ;) As for them not being the only ones on the island, obviously that will come up if they find the Tailies, but I don't have any plans to include the Others. As for what Kevin was doing at the back of the plane, still no comment. It will definitely be interesting to see his reaction to Jack calling her Kate, although it will be just as interesting (maybe more!) to see Jack's reaction to Kevin calling her "Monica". I was surprised no one mentioned Tom's plane in their reviews, although I haven't finished with that…

* * *

Chapter 6. Guilt

Kate was so eager to start their journey that she couldn't seem to relax again that night, slipping into a troubled sleep a few hours before sunrise. It was still dark when she opened her eyes again, disoriented, to find Jack hovering over her, shaking her shoulder gently.

"You okay?" he asked when she dragged herself into a sitting position, blinking until her eyes adjusted to the half-light. "I must have called your name a half a dozen times."

"Yeah, just didn't sleep well," she agreed, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and smoothing her clothes as she pushed herself to her feet. She was glad that he couldn't see her any better than she could see him at that moment, because this early in the morning, she knew she must look pretty scary.

"We don't have to do this today if you don't think you're up to it," he said, watching, concerned, as she tried to snap herself out of her stupor, but she shook her head.

"I'm not going to sleep any better tonight if we don't," she reminded him, bringing out a weak smile. If he hadn't sounded so determined when she told him about the smoke the night before, she would have thought that this wasn't the answer he was hoping for. "Just give me a few minutes to wake up."

She couldn't exactly make herself a cup of coffee, so she splashed her face with seawater while he went to meet Sayid and Charlie, joining the group when she felt awake enough to focus. Jack had borrowed a compass and a couple of hunting knives from a man he referred to only as "Locke"; he handed one to her, warning her to be careful, and she slipped it into her belt, amused, wondering if he'd ever used one for anything other than surgery or food preparation. Even though he'd changed out of his suit, into jeans and a sleeveless t-shirt that showed off a series of intriguing tattoos, both looked almost new; somehow, she just couldn't see him as the outdoor type.

"We'll head into the jungle together, then branch out once we reach the valley," he said, mostly to Sayid as he shrugged on his backpack, prompting Kate to do the same. The Iraqi had a knife tucked into his belt too, but other than that, neither he, nor Charlie, appeared to be taking anything, even water, on the trek. "The cockpit should be a couple of miles north east of there," Jack continued, explaining this. "You should be back before anyone even notices you're missing."

"You're sure you wouldn't prefer me to come with you?" Sayid asked as they started towards the jungle, Charlie scurrying behind, clearly unfit for a cross-island journey. "We have no idea what's in that jungle. It could be dangerous."

Jack stopped long enough to glance over at her, then back at Sayid when she nodded. "We're sure," he agreed, speaking for both of them. "Our best chance of getting rescued is getting that transceiver working. We need you here more than we need you out there."

This seemed to appease the Iraqi; he nodded, picking up the pace, apparently eager to get to work on sending a distress call. Kate couldn't blame him; as it was, she seemed to be the only one who had a reason to want to stay on the island any longer than they had to.

"If you ask me, you're both crazy," Charlie piped up as he struggled to keep up with the rest of the group. "What if you get all the way to the other side of the island and there's nothing there?"

He wasn't trying to be insensitive; it was a fair question, one that Kate had been asking herself all night. "Then we come back," she told him as stoically as she could, surprised at how easily she was able to keep her emotions in check. If they got to the other side of the island and there was no sign of Kevin, then maybe she'd finally be able to accept what the others had been telling her all along.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jack look at her, searching her expression for signs of grief, but she kept it neutral, afraid that he would see the relief building inside her and realise what a terrible person she was after all. If she really loved Kevin as much as Sun suggested she did, then why did a tiny part of her hope that it panned out exactly as Charlie said?

They walked through the valley in silence, then split up, Sayid and Charlie going northeast, while she and Jack headed northwest. "Are you really going to be okay with that? With us not finding anything?" he asked, voicing her thoughts as they stepped back into the jungle.

She didn't want to tell him the truth, so she shrugged. "I don't really have a choice, do I?"

He frowned, looking guilty as he added, "I know I said you should prepare yourself for the worst, but that doesn't mean you have to give up hope. They could still be alive."

"I'm not. I'm just being realistic," she agreed, walking ahead of him so that he couldn't see the tears burning her eyes and mistake their cause. She didn't want his sympathy; she wasn't sure she deserved it, not after what she'd been thinking.

He caught up to her quickly, but didn't say anything for the next hour or so, poking the ground with a stick he'd collected. "Can I ask you something?" he said when the silence went from strained to comfortable again, breaking into the synchronised rhythm of their breathing.

It was the question Kate dreaded because it usually resulted in fresh string of lies, but she couldn't tell him no, so she nodded, trying to look nonchalant as she said, "Sure."

"The night of the crash, when you said you didn't have any children, did you mean with Kevin, or in general?"

Whatever she'd been expecting, this wasn't it, so she answered, confused. "I meant exactly what I said. I don't have any kids, with Kevin, or anyone else."

"Have you ever?" he pressed; when she looked at him, his expression was deadly serious.

"No." She stopped where she was, staring at him, her hands finding their way to her hips as she caught her breath. "What's this about, Jack?"

He came to a halt beside her, looking away from her, uncomfortable, as he leaned one hand against a tree. "I just… when I saw that plane last night, I thought it looked like something that belonged to a little boy, and I wondered if that was why you seem to be doing so well with all this," he licked his lips before elaborating, "because you've been through something like it before."

It took her a moment to realise what he was saying, and then, even though he was way off the mark, she couldn't help noticing how insightful he was, especially where she didn't want him to be. "It did belong to a little boy," she agreed sadly, taking her water bottle out of her pack. "Just not mine."

She took a sip to signal the end of the conversation, waiting for him to start up again, but when he stayed where he was, looking her expectantly, she added, "His name was Tom. We grew up together. When we were twelve, we made this time capsule – we were going to dig it up in twenty years. He said we'd be married by then, with nine kids." She smiled at the memory. It all seemed so long ago now, like something that had happened to somebody else. "I tried to stop him from putting it in, told him it was for babies, but he was so excited about it that I let him do it in the end."

When she had to stop, the whole thing still too raw to talk about, he took his hand off the tree and put it gently on her shoulder. "What happened to him?" he asked, but she could tell by the look in his eyes that he knew.

"He died, a couple of years ago," she confessed, and he nodded, as if this was exactly what he'd thought. She tried to keep her emotions in check as she choked out the next words, but she couldn't stop the tears from spilling over onto her cheeks. "It was my fault. I should never've let him get in that car. I should've told him to stay out of it, but I didn't, and now he's dead." She looked up at him as she added, "That's what I meant on the beach. I hurt people. If you stick around long enough, I'll hurt you too one day, you'll see."

It was all too much to deal with on top of Kevin; she covered her face with her hands, sobbing freely into them now, not caring if he saw her anymore, but he pried them away gently. "You can't blame yourself, Kate."

He was trying to soothe her, but he couldn't, not when he didn't know the whole story, not when he thought it was all some big accident. "Yes, I can," she cried, snatching her hands away from him roughly, leaving him looking hurt. "You weren't there. You don't know what happened."

"No, I don't," he agreed in the same careful tone he'd used when he tried to convince that there were no other survivors, "but I don't believe you'd ever intentionally hurt anyone." He smiled, trying to tease a grin out of her. "You're too nice."

He was wrong about her hurting people on purpose, at least where Wayne was concerned, but she smiled back, touched once again by how good-natured he was. He probably thought she was a raving lunatic by now, but he hadn't given up on her because of it, which was more than most people had done for her in her life.

"You kind of remind me of him, you know," she told him as they started walking again, feeling lighter now that she'd finally been able to voice some of her guilt. "He was a doctor too…"

* * *

Next chapter: It's Jack's turn to disclose something about his past… 


	7. Chapter 7

I know, it's wishful thinking having Jack and Kate open up to each other so early in their relationship (although it was on about the third day that Kate tried to tell Jack what she did), but it's necessary to the development of the love triangle (as you pointed out mcanj). I can also justify it by saying that since neither of them believes it can ever go beyond friendship, the stakes aren't as high as they are with Kevin, or Jack on the show. Plus, I think not having the marshal around helps, since Jack doesn't know she's keeping secrets, and he certainly doesn't think she's dangerous, so she has the luxury of telling him in her own time, without incurring his wrath for not being more forthcoming... ;)

* * *

Chapter 7. Damaged 

"So what about you, Jack?" Kate asked a few hours later when they stopped by a stream to rest and refill their water bottles. "What deep dark secrets are you hiding? It seems like all we ever talk about is me."

It was a pretty overt attempt at directing the conversation away from herself now that he was getting closer to the truth, but at the same time, she couldn't help being curious about him, and whether or not he was really as perfect as he seemed. One of the things she loved most about Kevin was that he was completely uncomplicated: there was nothing about him that wasn't visible at surface level; something she sensed was not the case with Jack. She'd known him almost three days, and so far, he'd been even less forthcoming than she had: other than his name and occupation, she knew almost nothing about him.

He let out a self-deprecating laugh as he dipped his own bottle into the stream, watching the current rather than meet her eyes. "I'm a pretty boring guy, Kate – I go to work, I come home. There's not much to talk about, secret or otherwise."

"Why don't you start with those tattoos?" she pressed with a pointed look at his bicep, unwilling to let him off the hook that easily when he was contradicting himself with his reticence. "There must be a story behind those." She grinned, trying to lighten the atmosphere between them as she added, "You weren't in a gang, were you? Because then I might have to rethink my entire position on spinal surgeons."

"And what is your position?" he deadpanned as he screwed on the cap, but she could tell by the twinkle in his eyes that he was intrigued and amused.

"That they really are boring," she told him innocently, taking a swig from her own bottle to cover her laughter before shoving it back into her pack. "So where'd you get the ink, Jack? It just doesn't seem very you."

She was goading him, but while he joined in her laughter, he didn't seem to want to play when he said, "It's personal," straightening up and replacing his own pack. "We should get moving. I want to cover a few more miles before dark."

He started back into the jungle, but she ignored him, staying put, more wounded by his comment than she knew she had reason to be. He was just some guy she met in a plane crash; it wasn't like they were married. "What?" he asked when he realised that she wasn't following, coming back over with a bemused frown.

"You think what I told you about Tom wasn't personal?" she snapped before she could stop herself, not sure why she was making it into such a big deal, other than because it didn't seem fair that she was the only one being forced to spill her secrets. "My _husband _hasn't even heard that story."

He looked surprised at this, his frown deepening as he said, "So why did you tell _me_, Kate? I know I asked about the plane, but he probably did too."

He hadn't, because like so many other things from her past, from _Kate_'s past, she hadn't shared it with him; she didn't know how to answer, what it meant, so she said, "Because it was better than you thinking I had a dead kid," but she knew as soon as the words left her mouth that this couldn't be further from the truth. She loved Kevin because he was stable and good and not screwed up like her, but from the moment they'd met, she'd sensed in Jack a kindred spirit, someone as damaged as herself. He hid it well, better than she did, but he lacked the innocence that had drawn her to Kevin, that complete and unwavering trust.

It wasn't something that she wanted to give too much thought, not while Kevin might still be alive, so she said, "Sun's gonna set in a couple of hours. We should get going unless you want to lose the light."

Jack nodded, leading the way out of the clearing, but didn't say anything until they were back on the path. "You're right, told me about Tom," he agreed as they trudged in the direction they thought was northwest, pushing vines and low growing branches out of the way, "I was in a pretty dark place when I got those tattoos, so I'm not gonna tell you what they mean, but if you want to ask something else…"

"Can I ask _why_ you were in a dark place?" she checked, unable to keep the hint of spite from her voice as she added, "Or is that personal too?"

He glanced over at her with a tiny smile, as if to say he deserved that, before explaining, "My marriage had just broken up, and let's just say I didn't handle it as well as I could have."

It was her turn to be surprised then. "You were married?" she repeated, though what she wanted to ask was, "You're divorced?". He was smart, sweet, heroic, and painfully attractive; it was hard to believe that any woman would let a guy like him go.

He let out another self-deprecating laugh. "For about eight months, so I'm not sure if it really counted."

"What happened?" she prompted, his expression darkening to one of sardonic amusement.

"She cheated on me. Wouldn't even tell me the guy's name."

Kate felt a pang of guilt, remembering her earlier thoughts. It was the worst thing you could ever do to someone you loved or were supposed to love; she shouldn't even be having feelings for him, no matter how alike they were, not while she was still married to Kevin. "You never found out who he was?" she asked, wondering if it was worse if the other party was a stranger, someone who was part of a whole other life, one your partner didn't know about.

"No. I went a little crazy," he confessed, staring at the ground sheepishly, "I was so paranoid, I blamed my own father. Turns out he was sneaking off to AA meetings."

She knew it was wrong to make light of someone else's pain, but she couldn't help letting out an incredulous laugh. "You didn't."

"I did," he agreed, laughing too, though the sound was harsh and bitter, his eyes sad, "and now he's dead, so believe me when I say I know what you meant about hurting people. If I hadn't given him a reason to hate himself, then maybe those meetings would've stuck…" He looked away from her then, tearing up as he mentally berated himself, so she put a hand on his arm to get his attention, over his tattoos.

"If I can't blame myself for Tom, then you sure as hell can't blame yourself for the decision your dad made. Sounds like he had a problem long before you got involved."

He flashed her a weak, watery smile, nudging her gently with his shoulder as he tried to lighten the mood. "Still think spinal surgeons are boring?"

She pretended to think about it for a moment before bumping him back playfully, returning his grin. "Depends on whether you're the exception or the rule."

* * *

Next chapter: Setting up camp, and sleeping arrangements... ;) 


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for the reviews. Glad you all liked the flirting – I wanted to speed their relationship up a bit, to what it was at this point on the show. ("The Brig" is on in an hour, so we're lucky -- we've still got a few new episodes to look forward to!)

* * *

Chapter 8. Goodnight 

They walked on until sunset; by then Locke's compass had begun to malfunction, spinning around wildly before settling back the way they'd come; with no way of determining whether or not they were still headed in the right direction, they decided to call it a night.

"I don't think we're gonna find a better spot than this," Kate said, setting her pack down in a clearing not far from the stream they'd been following. "We've got water, and enough tree cover to keep the wind out."

"Sounds good," Jack agreed, depositing his own bag next to hers while he helped her collect wood for a fire.

Once they had enough for a decent sized blaze, she dug a shallow pit in the jungle floor and assembled the kindling the way her father taught her when she was a kid. She was still trying to remember how to light it without a match when Jack tossed her a small, silver object the size of her thumb. "Here."

Catching it, she saw that it was a cigarette lighter, almost identical to the one Wayne had used to light his last cigarette.

"I swiped it from that redneck jerk," Jack explained with a grin that was half impish, half embarrassed. "Thought it might come in handy."

Forcing back the memories it stirred up, she flicked the catch and set it to the wood, turning away from him so that he couldn't see the expression on her face. "Quite the survivalist there, aren't you, Jack?"

She looked up again in time to see him offer her a self-deprecating grin, holding his hands up in front of himself as he perched on a log a few feet away. "Hey, I never said I was a boy scout."

"Really?" She fed another handful of sticks into the pit before sitting back on her heels to examine her work. "'Cause you seem to have the 'Always Prepared' thing down."

He laughed again, and looking over at him, she blushed when she saw that he was studying her movements intently. "I've been camping exactly once in my life, when I was ten," he confessed, shifting his eyes away to the fire when he caught her watching him watch her. "Not an experience I've cared to repeat."

Returning her own attention to the fire, she added a few more branches, settling back on the log beside him when she was satisfied that it wasn't going to sputter out. "It's not _that_ bad," she teased him, reaching into her pack for a warmer shirt. "What happened?"

"Poison ivy." When she raised a dubious eyebrow at him, he added, embarrassed, "On my ass. I couldn't sit down for a week." He laughed good-naturedly along with her, smiling at her when they both stopped.

"So what? You're scarred for life now?" she asked, surprised at how much she enjoyed spending time with him. It was never this easy with Kevin; she was always afraid she was going to slip up.

"Basically." He laughed again, running his fingers over his hair; watching him, she couldn't help wondering what it would feel like, if it would be soft and fine, or bristly like the hairs of a brush.

"Pretty brave of you to come on this hike then," she told him, shaking this thought off by reminding herself of the reason they were in the middle of the jungle together, "given that it was always gonna involve camping."

She expected him to crack another joke, but he flashed her a weak, but altogether serious, smile, refusing to give her a clue as to his motivation. "So how does a housewife get so good at building fires?" he asked, deflecting her comment.

"How does a _spinal surgeon_ get so good at changing the subject?" she countered, annoyed by the one eighty degree turn he'd made in the conversation, but he shrugged, pulling a foil wrapped package out of his bag. "Hungry?"

She was, so she took it from him, deciding to try another tactic. "Tell me about her – your wife," she said as she peeled back the cover, poking at the airplane meal with her fork. At at least three days old, it was going to be pretty rancid whether or not she tried to reheat it.

"There's not much to tell," he said as he dug into his own meal, keeping his expression neutral. "Her name was Sarah. She taught kindergarten at an Elementary school just outside of Bevery Hills."

"How did you meet?" she asked, curious as to how a surgeon managed to hook up with a school teacher. Somehow she'd pictured him marrying a nurse, or another doctor. From what he'd said, he didn't spend much time away from the hospital.

He poked at his food, avoiding her eyes as he explained, "She blew out a tyre – flipped her SUV over the divider, into oncoming traffic. She was paralysed from the waist down, but I fixed her."

Kate gave him what she thought must have been an incredulous look, unable to keep the surprise from her voice as she said, "You were one of _those_ doctors."

He looked up at her sharply, his brow furrowed into an unhappy frown "What doctors?"

"The ones who date their patients," she finished softly, afraid she'd offended him when he looked away into the fire, his voice defensive.

"She was the only one, and believe me, I learnt my lesson." He didn't seem to want to talk about it anymore, so he said, "What about you? How did you meet Kevin?"

Kate couldn't help feeling guilty at the sound of her husband's name. Somehow, in the time she'd been talking to Jack, she'd managed to forget about him, but now that he was back at the front of her thoughts, she wondered if she should be letting Jack get so close. Not sure one way or the other, she decided that it couldn't hurt to talk about Kevin, even if it was only to remind them both that she was spoken for.

"Now there's a romantic story," she said with a sarcastic laugh, setting her food down, her appetite gone. There wasn't a lot she could tell him, not without giving too much away, so she added, "The short version is – I was in a bar in Miami, passing through on my way south. He was there with some work friends – he told me I looked familiar, asked if we'd met before." She'd almost had a heart attack when she saw his uniform, wondering if he'd seen the APB the marshal put out on her, but as it turned out, it was just a line, the same one he always used.

"I let him buy me a drink, but somehow he managed to sweet talk me into dinner, and before I knew it, he was asking me to marry him. I turned him down the first six or seven times, but he kept on asking, until I ran out of reasons to say no." Bitter tears burned her eyes at the memory, and she wondered, not for the first time, if she should have held out longer. If she had, she'd be somewhere like Cuba by now, and he'd be safe at home where he belonged.

Jack had been watching her carefully throughout her story; he glanced back at the fire when it was over, his expression unreadable as he said, "Sounds like a man who knows what he wants."

"Yeah," she agreed with a wistful smile. Monica. Too bad she doesn't exist.

As with every time Kevin had been mentioned in the past, the atmosphere between them had changed, the easy intimacy gone, leaving them both unsure of what to say.

"Sun's gonna be up early tomorrow," Jack said finally, clearing his throat. "We should turn in, get some rest while we can."

Kate nodded, covering the blush that crept into her cheeks by digging her blanket out of her bag. She didn't trust herself to be near him; somehow the idea of sleeping next to a man she knew she was attracted to felt like a betrayal of Kevin, so she set it down on the opposite side of the fire where she couldn't hear the sound of his breathing, or feel the warmth his body generated.

"I'm a gentleman, Kate – I promise to keep my hands to myself," he said as he laid out his own blanket, seemingly offended by the purposeful distance she'd put between them.

She knew it would be impossible to convince him that it was her own hands she was worried about, so she tried to lighten the mood by saying, "I bet you are, but I'm a pretty violent sleeper, so unless you wanna get kicked…" but she could tell that he didn't believe her. She slept with Kevin, after all.

"Well, goodnight," he said as he crawled into his blanket, turning his back on her.

"Yeah, goodnight," she agreed, staring out into the dark jungle, but it was a long time before she could sleep.

* * *

Next chapter: Day two of the trek, then, in chapter 10, ol' smokey! 


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks for the reviews. I saw "The Brig" last night, and I tell you, I'm about ready to convert! It wasn't easy writing this chapter after that -- I just wanna smack Jack across the back of the head and tell him what an idiot he's being!

By the way, in the world of my fic, Kate's story about Kevin is mostly true, because that's how I picture it, her flirting to cover up how uncomfortable she is, and how much she wants to get away, before realising that she actually likes him... ;)

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Chapter 9. Proving A Point 

When Kate woke the next morning, Jack was already packed, bent over the compass as he examined its face. The fire had died down during the night, the last embers spluttering feeble wisps of smoke as it smouldered out in front of him.

"Still not working?" she asked when he shook it gently and checked it again, the sound of her voice causing him to jump and almost fall off the log.

"Nope," he agreed when he recovered from the shock of realising that he was no longer alone. He flashed her a weak smile across the campsite. "The crash must've damaged it."

"Must have," she echoed as she rolled up her blanket and shoved it back into her pack; it didn't seem likely, but there was no other explanation. "Guess we're just gonna have to do it the old fashioned way."

The sun was still rising in the sky; using it as a guide, they guessed that they were headed due north, altering their course by about forty-five degrees. Jack was quieter than he had been the day before as they continued to clear a path through the jungle; she figured he was still mad at her for treating him like some kind of deviant, but since she couldn't apologise without owning to her attraction, she walked beside him in silence until he relaxed.

They made steady progress until lunchtime, but the deeper they wandered into the jungle, the harder it was to tell if they were still on course. With each step they took, it seemed to be getting darker and darker, until it felt as if they were walking through a tree-lined tunnel.

Glancing over at Jack, she could see that he was getting frustrated, so she said, "I could climb one of those trees – see if I can make anything out."

It was just a suggestion, but the idea seemed to faze him when he gave her a hard look, his eyes firm. "No," he said, scanning the closest tree, making calculations, his tone more forbidding than any she'd ever heard from Kevin, as if he thought he had some kind of authority over her. "You'd need to make it up at least thirty feet to break cover. It's too dangerous."

She wasn't sure if he was being chauvinistic, or just protective or her, but either way, she didn't like being told what to do, or what not to. She didn't like being considered weak, or incapable, either. "You don't think I can do it?" she checked, her hands coming up to her hips as anger washed over her, her eyes daring him to agree.

"I think _you_ think you can do it," he answered carefully, as if he were afraid of both encouraging and discouraging her, "but I just don't want you taking that risk, not without a harness. If you fall…"

He trailed off helplessly when, with a defiant look, she dropped her pack at his feet and started for the trunk of the nearest tree. "I won't."

She didn't look back to see his expression as she pulled herself up into the branches, but she could tell that he was holding his breath as he watched her ascent. Instead, she shut everything out, concentrating on finding the next handhold, the next foothold, until she was almost at the canopy. It felt like hours, but finally she was standing at the top, breathing hard as she pushed through the leaves.

"What do you see?" she heard Jack call up as she braced herself against the trunk; looking down, she could hardly make out his face.

"More trees," she called back, scanning the miles of unbroken jungle; she thought she spotted some sort of manmade structure further off, but it was hard to tell from her angle. "Looks like rain, though," she added when she noticed the dark clouds gathering overhead; they were going to lose the sun soon, very soon if the feint rumble of thunder in the distance was any indication. Great.

"You should come down then," Jack yelled, disappointment evident in his tone, along with a hint of fear. He was worried about her, she noted with satisfaction; he wasn't a chauvinist pig after all.

Figuring she'd made her point, she ducked her head under the canopy, easing her way back down to Jack. Her limbs were so heavy and weak from scaling the tree in the first place that her foot slipped fifteen feet from the ground; she heard Jack gasp below her, but catching hold of one of the branches, she managed to right herself, waiting for her heart to slow before descending the rest of the way, and slithering to the hard packed earth at the bottom.

"Good job," he said when she was standing beside him, offering his water bottle to her while they waited for her to catch her breath.

"Thanks." Grinning, she took a sip and handed it back to him, wiping the sweat from her brow with her wrist. "My guess is we've got about an hour of decent light before the storm hits. We should probably make the most of it."

"Lead the way then," Jack agreed, helping her back into her backpack, and they set off again, keeping an eye out for places to take cover when the rain started.

They'd made it about another half a mile into the jungle before she noticed that he was sneaking sidelong glances at her, a tiny smile playing at the corners of his lips. "What?" she asked, suddenly self-conscious when she realised that he was paying more attention to her than the path ahead. "Have I got bark in my hair or something?" She ran her fingers over her head, through her ponytail, feeling sheepish when they came away empty.

"I'm just impressed, that's all," he said, admiration, maybe even affection, clear in his smile. "You don't seem to have any trouble taking care of yourself."

It was turning into one of those moments where she could almost feel the heat in his gaze; overcome by the need for contact, she turned away, her cheeks burning as she stared into the trees ahead. She shouldn't want to kiss him, but glancing over at him, she couldn't help wondering how he would respond if she did, how his lips would taste, what his hands would feel like in her hair, on her skin…

"You should see me hunt," she said to distract herself from these thoughts, afraid that he would be able to tell.

"You hunt too?" he repeated with a laugh, seemingly oblivious, to her relief. "Now my delicate male ego is bruised."

"My dad used to take me out game shooting when I was a kid," she explained, not wanting to elaborate any further. It still hurt every time she thought about Sam and the fact that he wasn't really her father, so she tried to make it into a joke, gesturing to the knife in her belt as she added, "I've never tried it without a gun, so if it comes to that, we might have to improvise…"

Jack laughed again, making her stomach do a little flip-flop. "I'll keep that in mind."

"You do that," she agreed with a grin, halting in her tracks when, with one final rumble, the sky opened, and the rain began to fall.

"Crap," she muttered when it went from a light drizzle to a downpour in the space of about thirty seconds. "I thought we had at least another hour."

"Guess we're gonna have to find somewhere to wait it out," Jack yelled back over the rain, bringing his hands up to shield his eyes as he scanned the jungle for a place to take cover.

She wasn't sure if she liked how much she liked the idea of squeezing into a small, compact space with him, but it was either that or risk pneumonia, so she followed him through the undergrowth, keeping her eyes peeled for a cave or a hollowed out tree.

"Maybe we should split up," she suggested when it seemed like they would never find anything big enough to shelter them both, but she never got an answer, because at that moment, the trees around them began to shake as an inhuman howl pierced the jungle.

* * *

I know, I'm cruel, with the cliffhanger and all, but I'll make up for it next chapter, I promise... (Without being too cryptic, just think: fear, cold and an almost uncontrollable physical attraction, all in a confined space... ;) 


	10. Chapter 10

Since you're all so excited, I'll put you out of your misery on two counts, firstly by heating things up, and secondly, by having Jack drop his bombshell about Kevin (at least on of you guessed it!). I've really been looking forward to this chapter -- it's my favourite so far! (That noise is how Damon and J.J. describe it in the actual scripts, by the way...)

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Chapter 10. A Mistake 

"What the hell was that?" Kate asked Jack, her voice coming out high and shrill, when the howling stopped, only to start up again, closer this time.

MROOOOOWRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOBWWRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

"I don't know, but I think we should RUN!" he cried as the trees ahead of them parted, creating an opening big enough for bulldozer to fit through, not sticking around long enough to find out as he took her hand and pulled her back the way they'd come.

Her legs were quaking as they sprinted back in the direction of the beach, the ground slick with mud and damp leaves; she was sure she was going to slip and get eaten by that _thing_, but as wet as they both were, Jack clutched her fingers in a death grip, propelling her forward until they reached the safety of a hollowed out fig.

"In here," he yelled over the screech and roar behind them, urging her in ahead of him before ducking inside himself.

Whatever it was seemed to have followed them, because it was right outside now, the howl reaching an almost deafening pitch; still clinging to Jack, she watched the trees shudder and groan as it moved past them, emitting a low whirring sound.

"Are you okay?" he asked when it was gone; exhaling slowly, she nodded, looking down to see that her hands were bunched up in his shirt, gripping his lapel as tightly as he'd gripped her hand.

"Yeah." She tried to act nonchalant as she let go, falling back against the wall of the tree. "You?"

"Yeah." Releasing the breath he was holding, he leaned back against the opposite side of the tree, his knee brushing hers as he tried to get comfortable, sending a tingle through her. "Sorry."

She wasn't, so she shifted sideways to give him more room, hoping that putting some distance between them might help her like it had the night before, but even though they were no longer touching, she could still hear the heavy sound of his breathing, and feel the warmth of it on her skin. "What do you think that was?" she asked, trying to focus on what had just happened, and not on how close he was now.

"No idea." He closed his eyes, bringing his head back against the inside of the trunk, and parting his lips slightly as he tried to catch his breath; she had the sudden and unwarranted urge to run her hands over his chest, up to his jaw and kiss him hard on the mouth.

It was still raining outside, and thing was still out there, so she couldn't go anywhere to get away from him this time; drawing her knees up to her body, she huddled into her corner, trying to make both the thoughts, and the shuddering stop.

_Kevin_, she reminded herself harshly, repeating it like a mantra. You're in love with _Kevin_, you _married_ _Kevin_, but this only seemed to strengthen her frustration, because she knew she'd never felt this way about him, not even when they first met.

It was exhausting, like a physical pain; she wanted to resist, but it was almost too hard when Jack looked at her again, his dark eyes smouldering with the same desire for her that she felt for him. "You're cold," he said when he saw that she was shaking; she wanted to ask him to warm her up, but she was so tongue-tied and confused that all she could manage was "Uh huh".

He shifted closer to her, but before he could take any purely professional measures to help her, she moved in, meeting him halfway, and his lips were brushing hers, lightly, guiltily, at first, until they lost all sense of where they were.

It would have been perfect if it weren't for the sick feeling that crept into the pit of her stomach, remorse forcing her to push him away. "Jack…" she said softly when he opened his eyes, pleading with him to understand, but she could tell from the look on his face that she'd hurt him, making the shame ten times worse.

"I can't… I'm sorry…" she stammered, scrambling out of the tree and running blindly into the jungle before he could stop her, or say anything that would make her feel lower than she already did, unaware that he was following her until she felt a hand wind its way around her wrist.

"Kate, stop," he said, anchoring her there. "It's not safe for you to be out here."

"So?" she snapped, twisting out of his grip. Tears coursed down her cheeks, mingling with the rain as she added, "I'm a bad wife, and a terrible person – I deserve to get eaten!"

Standing there, soaking wet, he almost looked like he wanted to laugh. "That's ridiculous, Kate."

"No, it's not," she cried, her voice rising as she tried to keep from collapsing into the mud and sobbing like a lost child in front of him. "I should never've let you come on this hike. I should never've put myself in this position. I screwed everything up – how'm I supposed to look Kevin in the eyes and pretend everything's fine, knowing what I just did? I can't keep lying to him – I'm sick of lying." She'd come as close as she could to admitting the truth, so rather than say anything more and risk losing his respect, she just let the tears fall, burying her face in her palms while he looked on at her helplessly.

"You made a mistake, Kate," he said softly, even though she could hear that it hurt him to describe what had happened between them that way. "I did the same thing once – I kissed the daughter of one of my patients. It doesn't make you a terrible person, or a bad wife – it just makes you human."

"So what does that make Kevin?" she argued, looking up at him, sniffling as she wiped her eyes on the back of her hand. "He hasn't so much as looked at another woman since he met me. He wouldn't even let his friends hire a stripper."

Jack stared at her for a long moment, then down at the ground, his expression troubled as he said, "Human too."

"What?" she asked sharply, her tears forgotten, thrown by his choice of words.

He swallowed hard and lifted his eyes, meeting hers as he said, "I didn't want to be the one to tell you this, believe me – I was hoping he would – but when we were on the plane, before the crash, I saw Kevin arguing with the woman in 42F."

"You didn't even know who he was and yet you remember her _seat number_?" she spat over the steady patter of the rain, unable to believe what she was hearing. "Do you have any idea how insane that sounds?" The only explanation she could think of was that he was lying to alleviate some of her guilt; that or he'd wrongly identified him. There was no way Kevin would cheat on her, especially this soon after the wedding, when he'd spent the last two weeks trying to convince her to start a family with him. He just wasn't that guy.

"Her name was Ana Lucia – I met her at the airport," Jack explained, looking sheepish as he added, "She invited me to have a drink with her on the plane.

"When I went to take her up on her offer, I saw her talking to Kevin," he continued, causing her heart to sink into the pit of her stomach when he rushed on, his eyes apologetic, "I recognised him as soon as you showed me those photos. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but it sounded pretty heated, like they knew each other. I'm sorry, Kate, I really am, but it looks like he wasn't the guy you thought he was."

She wasn't sure how to handle this information now that the shoe was on the other foot, so she paced in a slow circle, running her hands over the top of her hair. None of it made any sense, but as hard as she tried to deny it, she couldn't shake the realisation that it explained his clandestine trip to the back of the plane.

"That bastard," she choked out after a moment, tears burning her eyes as she wondered if he'd encouraged this woman to follow them to Australia. She was probably angry that he'd gotten married; that was probably what their fight was about. "Here I am freaking out because I kissed you when he's been cheating on me the whole time."

She wasn't sure if she was trying to even the score, or just giving in to the attraction she'd been fighting for Kevin's sake, but before she could stop to think about what she was doing, she had one hand on either side of Jack's face, pulling him down to meet her.

He didn't try to stop her at first, his hands sliding down to her waist, but when, taking this as encouragement, she let hers travel down his back, to where the hem of his shirt clung to his skin, he broke the kiss. "I'm not gonna help you get back at Kevin," he said, his eyes dark and wounded as he freed himself from her arms, turning back towards their shelter. "I'm not the bad guy in this – don't ask me to be."


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks for the reviews. I was really excited about posting that chapter (hence me not being able to wait twenty-four hours!), so I'm glad you enjoyed it. That said, I now have a new favourite… ;)

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Chapter 11. Who Are You?

"Jack!" Kate called as she scurried alongside him, willing him to stop and talk to her, but he walked on as if she hadn't spoken, refusing to look at her even when she crawled into their shelter after him.

It was as if he couldn't stomach the sight of her; the next hour was one of the most torturous of her life as they sat in silence barely two feet apart, waiting for the rain to ease up enough for them to continue their trek. She wanted to say something to make him hate her less, to tell him that he was wrong, that she hadn't been trying to use him, or take advantage of his feelings for her, but her head was still such a mess that she couldn't be sure that that wasn't all their second kiss was. She liked him, more than she wanted to admit; the moment they'd shared hiding from the monster was everything she'd imagined it would be, maybe more; but she was still married to Kevin, and a part of her still loved him, even if he wasn't the same man she'd fallen for. She wished that that wasn't the case, that she could hate him for what he'd done, what he might still be doing; it would make moving on with Jack so much easier; but she couldn't, not when she was guilty of betraying him too. They'd been together for months and she still hadn't told him her real name; even if he was sleeping with another woman, she couldn't be sure that what she was doing with Jack wasn't worse since it went beyond a purely physical attraction.

"We came here to find Kevin, so let's just get it over with," Jack said in a detached tone when the sun began to return, creeping forward until he was clear of the opening. The rain had faded to a light trickle; not enough to cloud their vision or inhibit their movements, but enough to make them both cold and uncomfortable as they started in the direction they'd run from.

It wasn't long before the silence became unbearable again, the harsh sound of his breath setting her on edge as he seethed alongside her; she cleared her throat, determined to have it out with him once and for all so that there could be no more confusion. "I just want you to know how sorry I am, Jack – I never mean to hurt you like that," she began, tugging on his bicep in a desperate attempt to get him to acknowledge her, but he shook her hand off with a look of disgust.

"No, you meant to hurt Kevin," he agreed in an icy tone, still focused on the trees ahead. "You're just sorry that it backfired, and you got caught."

He didn't wait for her to confirm or deny this, picking up the pace so that he was walking a few steps ahead. She tried catching him up, but every time she reached his side he would take a few more exaggerated strides, leaving her behind again. He didn't seem to want anything more to do with her beyond fulfilling the promise he'd made their first night on the island, so eventually she gave up, trudging along tired and despondent in his wake.

"I really like you," she murmured, too softly for him to hear when he wouldn't give her an opening to finish. "I wish it didn't happen the way it did, but I don't regret kissing you. If things were different…"

There was no use talking to him when he was being so pig-headed; picking a branch off a tree, she stabbed angrily at the ground, wishing she'd never let Kevin talk her into coming to Australia. The whole thing was a disaster, from the plane, to Jack, to Ana Lucia. If they'd just stayed home, then none of it would've happened, and she'd still be happy, living in her blissful state of denial, believing that everything was perfect.

With nothing more to say to each other, and no desire on at least one of their parts to start, they didn't stop again that day, pushing on until well after dark. Even though they'd been walking for hours, and she was bone weary and desperate for the refuge of sleep, Kate didn't try to convince Jack to make camp, reluctant as she was to spend another awkward night with him in the jungle. He'd stopped trying to lose her by then, walking tense and protective at her side, but he wasn't any less surly or taciturn than he had been that afternoon when they set out.

They had one tiny torch between them, but it was too small to cut much of a swath through the darkness, so they lit two branches on fire, carrying them to illuminate their way. Kate had never been afraid of the dark, welcoming it as a source of cover while she was on the run, but she felt herself growing nervous as they crept deeper into the heart of the unknown; everything in the jungle looked different at night, the trees casting monstrous shadows ahead of them, reminding her that that thing was still out there, waiting to swallow them up.

"Jack," she whispered when something rustled the bushes nearby, making her start and almost jump out of her skin, "I'm not sure we should keep going like this. We don't know what's out there." She was more afraid of this place than she was of him, so she figured she could brave another uncomfortable campfire discussion if it meant not having to delve any further into it tonight. Who knew? He might even have calmed down enough to let her finish making her apology for the kiss.

He glanced over at her, taking in her taut expression, and nodded, thankfully willing to put aside their differences for now. "We'll stop as soon as we find a place big enough for a fire," he agreed.

With a grateful smile, Kate continued alongside him for another forty yards or so, until she caught sight of a warm orange glow, like an existing fire, off to one side. "I think… I think there's someone there," she told him, squeezing his arm; he looked at her quizzically, following her gaze.

"There's someone there all right. Give me that branch," he said when he saw it, his voice rising in alarm as he took it from her, tossing it onto the ground and stamping it out. He did the same to his own, his hand finding hers in the darkness as they crept forward, towards the source of the light.

When they were close enough to make out a group of twenty or so strangers huddled around a campfire, he stopped, signalling for her to be quiet.

"Who do you think they are?" she asked a moment later when she couldn't see any sign of Kevin among them; their clothes were ragged and dirty, like they'd been in the crash, but aside from that, there was nothing to identify them as fellow survivors.

"I don't know," he replied, ducking down a little lower in the undergrowth. "More of our people maybe. I wish I could hear what they were saying."

Doubled over so that he was almost on his hands and knees now, he moved closer, pulling her along with him. They were little more than ten yards from the gathering when, with one false step, her foot came down on a twig with an audible _snap_, causing the people around the fire to look up. Realising what she'd done, she cringed and covered her mouth with her free hand as she waited for them to react; panicked voices followed, and then the clearing went dark, as if someone had poured water on the blaze to extinguish it.

"Okay, that's not good," Jack murmured, letting go of her hand again as he straightened and began to retreat. "I think we should get out of here."

He started running back towards the path and she ran after him, feeling her way through the darkness until her hands came into contact with another body; she could tell it wasn't his, because she could hear him crashing through the jungle ahead of her, but she couldn't stop quickly enough to keep herself from slamming into it.

Whoever it was was stronger than her; after a brief scuffle, she found herself being dragged to her feet, her hands pinned behind her back as a sharp object was pressed into her jugular. "Who are you?" a female voice with a hint of an accent rasped, pushing harder when she didn't respond. Kate was afraid to move or speak, tears coursing down her cheeks as she wondered if this woman was going to kill her. It wasn't like she didn't deserve it, but that didn't make the experience any less terrifying. "What the hell do you want? Why did you take those people from our camp?"

She seemed to want an answer; Kate was trying to find her voice to tell her that she had no idea what she was talking about when a dim light clicked on in front of them, nearly blinding her as Jack's face came into view. He looked scared, but mostly confused, as he took in the scene unfolding in front of him, turning the torch back on himself so that Kate's assailant could see him properly.

"_You_," she heard the woman say, loosing her grip enough for Kate to let out the breath she was holding, but she didn't release her, her makeshift knife still hovering dangerously close to her throat. "You were on the plane."

Jack opened his mouth to respond, closing it again when another voice broke into the conversation, low and angry, but not directed at them. "Let her go, Ana – that's my wife."

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Hee, hee… I'm jumping up and down in my seat thinking about the next few chapters. Hopefully I'll be able to turn the screw a little further and surprise you. I was gonna have Rousseau, but that seemed like too much of a digression, so I decided to move the plot forward again instead… ;) 


	12. Chapter 12

Thanks for the reviews – they're so awesome! I think I'm more excited about this fic than any I've ever done, even "The Edge of the Ocean"! Speaking of which, I have for you today the stand off you've all been waiting for, or at least, the beginning of it – it's a pretty complex situation, so it's going to take a few chapters for everyone to sort themselves out…

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Chapter 12. It's Not What You Think

"Kevin?" Kate asked stupidly when Jack swivelled the beam of his torch to her right, revealing the broad figure of her husband. The clothes she'd helped him pick out in Sydney were torn and muddy and speckled with blood, and there was a gash across the left side of his forehead, but other than that, he appeared to be unharmed, and to her confusion, very much alive.

"Your _wife_?" her captor repeated with a sardonic laugh, tucking the knife into her belt as she relinquished her hold with a rough shove. Kate stumbled into Jack's chest, letting his strong arms steady her for the briefest of moments before stepping back to a less conspicuous distance. "Does she know about the airport, _Kev_?" the woman continued, the venom in her tone making Kate cringe, because Jack was right, there was no way she could believe that the two of them were strangers after that. "Or should I tell her?"

Kevin gave her a hard look, angrier than Kate had ever seen him. "I think you've done enough," he told her, his voice filled with bitterness.

Turning his attention to Kate, his expression morphed into one of concern, relief evident in his tone as he said, "God, Mon – I thought you were dead." The woman he'd identified as Ana scoffed as he pulled Kate into a fierce hug; sneaking a peak at Jack over his shoulder, she saw his brow furrow with confusion, but when she tried to catch his eye, he turned his face away, lowering his torch to give them some privacy.

"Look at you," Kevin murmured when he pulled away, cupping her face in his hands, and wiping the mud from her cheeks with his thumbs as he studied her in the dim light. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, Kev, I'm fine," she agreed softly, tearing up when he hugged her again, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips, overwhelmed, as always, by how much he loved her. He looked so happy to see her despite the unfamiliar distance in his eyes; in spite of the evidence Jack had presented her with, the evidence that she'd now seen for herself, she wasn't sure what to believe anymore.

He slid an arm around her waist, apparently not ready to break contact yet, but knowing that Jack was watching their interaction only seemed to add to her confusion so she brushed it away, gesturing to place where their campsite had been. "What is all this? Who're all this people?" she asked when, at Ana's shout of "It's okay", they relit their fire, returning to their former places around it.

"They were all in the back of the plane," he explained, letting his hand fall awkwardly back to his side. "They survived the crash along with us. We thought we were the only ones, until…"

He trailed off when Jack cleared his throat, initiating himself into the conversation. "There's another group of about fifty survivors where we came from," he told him in a tone so neutral that it was hard to tell what he was thinking, dividing his attention evenly between him and Ana.

Tearing his eyes away from Kate, Kevin looked him up and down, studying him with the same mild interest he reserved for any other stranger, she noted with a pang. He didn't seem at all jealous to find her in the company of another man; he trusted her, which was more than she could say about him of late.

"Kevin, this is Jack," she said quickly, trying to keep her voice casual, as if he were as much of a stranger to her as he had been four days ago. "He's a doctor, so when I said I wanted to look for the tail, he offered to come in case anyone was wounded."

Jack gave her an incredulous look, seemingly bothered by her compulsion to lie, but she ignored him, forcing a smile when Kevin reached over to shake his hand. "Hey, nice to meet you, Jack," he said with a warm grin, transferring it to Kate as he added, "Thanks for looking out for my girl."

Jack didn't seem to know what to say to this, given that he'd looked out for her a little too well, so he fell back on his manners, offering him a tepid grin as he echoed the sentiment. "You're a lucky man," he added with a wistful glance at Kate, a hint of accusation creeping into his tone that seemed to go unnoticed by everyone but her.

The exchange was making Kate uncomfortable, so she said, "Who's she?" with a slight nod in the other woman's direction.

She meant for Kevin to answer her, to explain their relationship, but Jack opened his mouth too, closing it again when the Latino woman cut in, "_She_ is Ana Lucia," her voice acerbic as she surveyed Kate with disdain. "And you – I don't have to ask who you are…"

Before she could explain what she meant by this, Kevin flashed her another warning look, silencing her. "Hey. Stand down, okay? She's _my_ wife – let _me_ handle it."

"You'd better," Ana agreed, scowling at him. "'Cause we might be here a while, and your _wife_ is one too many things for me to deal with."

Their cryptic argument was beginning to eat away at Kate's already frazzled nerves; she was missing something, something important, and she was more certain than ever now that she knew what it was. "Handle what, Kevin?" she asked, her voice rising with frustration, determined to get a straight answer from him this time. "Who is this woman? How do you know her? What aren't you telling me?"

A wave of revulsion swept through her when he looked back at the campsite, guilt and shame etched across his face. "Oh God, it's true, isn't it?" she whispered, her hand coming up to cover her mouth as she let the realisation sink in. "He was right – you're having an affair with her."

"What? No," Kevin snapped, looking up at her sharply, his eyes wounded as if he couldn't believe that she would even consider the possibility; with an awkward glance at Jack, he returned his hand to the small of her back, ushering her away from the group.

"Calm down, okay?" he said, lowering his voice once they were out of earshot of both Jack and Ana. "It's not what you think."

As far as defences went, this one was pretty lame. In fact, it just might be the lamest justification she'd ever heard. "That's all you can say?" she demanded, refusing to do what he said and calm down until he told her the truth. "'It's not what you think?' Come on, Kevin, you can do better than that."

He sucked in a deep, unhappy breath, exhaling slowly before fixing her with a serious look, his palms coming to rest on each of her shoulders. "It's not a line, Kate," he said, all traces of his boyish humour gone, making him look older and more defeated than she'd ever seen him. "It's really not what you think."

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No, that was not a typo or a continuity error. Next chapter: Kevin's story… ;) 


	13. Chapter 13

Wow, I'm apparently a lot subtler than I think I am! I thought more of you would guess what's going on here. This chapter, I will finally reveal what's going on between Kevin and Ana, and don't worry, Kevin's no saint – I'm sure he'll be plenty jealous when he discovers just how honest Kate's been with Jack…

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Chapter 13. How Long Have You Known? 

"What did you just call me?" Kate asked, stunned, her mouth falling open in shock; for a moment, she wasn't sure that she'd heard Kevin right, until she replayed his words in her head, filtering each one carefully.

It's not a line, _Kate_.

Kate.

He knew who she was, who she really was; after months of deception, it was a relief to finally hear him say it, or it would have been, if it weren't for the sickening realisation that if he knew who she was, then he must know what she'd done.

"Kate – Kate Austen, short for Katherine, right? Monica's just an alias you've been using to cover up the fact that you're wanted in at least two states," he went on bitterly, his eyes flashing with anger when she continued to stare at him mutely like a deer caught under the headlights. "I know you've been lying to me since the beginning, so you can stop pretending that you don't know what I'm talking about."

She wasn't sure how to respond, torn between her desire to smooth it out with another lie and her need to know how he'd discovered the truth. He seemed certain of it now as he fixed her with an expectant look, something in her behaviour confirming what he'd only suspected until that moment, so in the end, she decided that she had no choice but to let the latter win out. "How… how long have you known?" she stammered, terrified of his answer, that their whole relationship had been a sham, that while she'd been playing him, he'd been playing her too, leading her into some kind of sick trap. That he really was too good too be true. "Did you know when we got married? When we _met_?"

"No," he assured her without hesitation, speaking in a low, unhappy murmur as he ran a hand over his eyes. "I had no idea until Ana told me at the airport in Sydney. I was waiting for you to finish up in the bathroom when this woman I'd never met came over and told me she recognised my wife from an APB some marshal called Edward Mars put out. She thought I knew, that I was an accomplice or something. When I told her I was a cop, she laughed, insisted I couldn't be a very good one if I didn't know who you were."

"Ana Lucia? She told you?" Kate repeated, bewildered, her eyes filling up with tears at the look of horror and disgust her gave her. He wanted a denial so that they could go back to the way things were, and she couldn't give him one.

"Yeah," he agreed with a humourless laugh, dropping his head into his hands as he lowered himself onto a tree stump. "Turns out she's a cop too, with the L.A.P.D, or she was, until a couple of months ago."

On hearing this, Kate flashed back on the woman's earlier comments, and suddenly, they began to make sense:

_I don't have to ask who you are…_ _Does she know about the airport, _Kev_? Or should I tell her? You'd better, 'cause we might be here a while, and your _wif_e is one too many things for me to deal with._

Until that moment, she'd attributed Ana's open hostility towards her to that of the jilted other woman, but now that Kevin had helped her put it into context, she recognised it as a more blatant, less sarcastic form of the marshal's. She didn't hate Kate because of Kevin; she hated Kevin because of Kate, because he'd let himself get sucked in.

"When she told me you murdered someone, I tried to laugh it off," Kevin continued when she sank to the ground in front of him, his voice breaking slightly, "I kept telling her that it was impossible, that you'd never even been to the Midwest, but then she explained about the robbery."

"You know about that too?" she whispered, her cheeks colouring with shame, staring down at the jungle floor as she tried to hold back her tears. If Ana had told him that she was on the run, then he had to know about Wayne: that on its own was enough to make him hate her, but her second felony was much harder to justify to anyone but Jack.

"Do I know that you helped a bunch of low life criminals hold up a bank in New Mexico, before shooting them, and walking out with nothing but a toy plane?" he asked, answering her question.

"I guess so," she said, biting her lip.

"When I heard about the plane, I knew it was true," he continued, choking on his words as he lifted his glazed eyes to meet hers. "You think because I never asked, I never saw it, but I did, right before I proposed the first time. I was looking for something to help me resize the ring, but I found this little silver plane instead. I thought it was an odd thing for a grown woman to hold onto, but you didn't seem to want to talk about it, so I figured you were entitled to your secrets."

His voice broke as he added, "Maybe I should've said something, but it seems like you would've just lied anyway. I wish you'd trusted me enough to tell me. We could've figured something out."

"So what does this mean for us?" she asked softly, noting his use of past tense, as if he'd already decided that their marriage was beyond saving. "Are you going to turn me in?"

While a part of her knew that she deserved whatever punishment he was willing to dish out, she couldn't help breathing a sigh of relief when he shook his head sadly. "Ana wanted to. She asked me to help her, offered to give me most of the credit, but when I refused to have any part in it, she told me she was going to do it on her own, as soon as she got back to L.A.

"That's why I went to talk to her on the plane, to convince her to let it go. She said there was a twenty three thousand dollar reward for your capture – I think she saw you as her ticket back onto the force, and into her captain's good books."

Kate would've liked to hate Ana for what she was planning, but she couldn't, not when, like the marshal, she was just doing her job. As noble as he was being right now, she knew that if they'd met under different circumstances, before his feelings got in the way, Kevin wouldn't have hesitated to help Ana bring her in.

"What are we gonna do, Kev?" she whispered, her heart going out to him in spite of the pain she could feel in her own. He looked so sad, so broken; in trying to protect him from the truth, all she'd done was make it worse for him when it eventually came to light.

"I've had a lot of time to think about it while we've been stuck here," he began, his voice wavering as he fought back tears of his own, "too much time, and I swear I'll do everything in my power to stop her – that much hasn't changed. But when we get home, ifwe ever get home, and this marriage is legal, I think I want an annulment."

She tried to nod, to tell him that she understood, but she couldn't seem to conceal her heartbreak when she realised how badly she'd screwed everything up, even before Jack came into the picture.

"I'm sorry," Kevin said, still holding himself together, miraculously, but when she looked at him closely, she could see the damp patches under his eyes as he cried silent tears of his own, "I love you, and I'm glad you're okay, but I don't know you, and I'm not sure I want to."

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I know, no Jack in this chapter, but I'll make up for it next time with his reaction to Kate having more than one name, and some jealousy on both their parts. I'm going to start introducing the rest of the Tailies in the next few chapters too, so let me know if you have any requests. ;) 


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks for the reviews. Are you sure you all want things to be so easy with Jack? That's not really a lot of fun... ;)

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Chapter 14. I Wish I Could Believe You 

"So I guess it's a good thing we never started trying for that baby," Kate quipped with a bitter laugh, unsure of what she should be thinking or feeling now that Kevin had told her that their marriage was over. If she was entirely honest with herself, she was relieved; she'd known for some time that marrying him was a mistake, but even so, an equal part of her was devastated, because when she'd said "I do", she really meant it, even if she'd never been able to bring herself to tell him the truth.

"Don't joke about that," he snapped, wiping furiously at his eyes as he struggled to get his own emotions under control. "I was going to spend the rest of my life with you. I was going to raise a family with you, and you lied to me."

"I'd tell you I'm sorry, but we both know that wouldn't change anything," she told him softly, her gaze falling on her hand, to the thin gold bands that had begun to feel like a part of it. They were a promise, a promise to share her life with him, for better or worse, and she'd broken it; sliding them off, she took his hand and pressed both rings into his palm, closing his fingers gently around them. "For what it's worth, I really did love you, you know. That part wasn't a lie."

She'd never been one for prolonging goodbyes, especially now, when she knew that there was no avoiding him in future, not as long as they were both stuck on this island; leaving him to stare morosely at his fist, she turned to walk away, but he stopped her, calling her name, her real name. "What am I going to tell everyone when they ask me why I came back from my honeymoon without my wife?"

She paused, considering this for a moment, until the perfect response came to her. "Tell them she died in a plane crash," she said with a rueful smile, heading over to the campsite, where Ana was introducing Jack to the other survivors.

Watching him shake hands with a blonde in a tattered dress, she wondered if, in the time that the two of them had been getting reacquainted, Ana had shared the same story with him that she had Kevin, effectively ruining the precarious relationship she had with him as well. Even though, if Jack was to be believed, they'd only met once before tonight, there was an intimacy between them that made her uncomfortable as they shared a grin at something she'd said. If the other woman was serious at the airport, and she had some kind of romantic designs on him, it would be the most efficient way of reclaiming her territory.

Jack looked up at Kate's approach, his concerned gaze flickering over her face, taking in her swollen eyes and downcast expression, but he didn't say anything to her, diving back into the conversation.

"Hey," she said when it became apparent that he was giving her the cold shoulder again, wondering if he'd gone back to punishing her now that they were safe, and he'd fulfilled his promise, "What'd I miss?"

"Ana and I were just talking about leading a trek back to the beach," he explained, not meeting her eyes as he spoke, his jaw set in a way that could only mean that he was mad at her.

"That sounds like a good idea," she agreed, fixing Ana with a cold stare when the other woman scoffed, as if the opinion of a wanted criminal like herself was of no importance to her.

"Yeah." When Jack didn't say anything else, licking his lips as he stared straight ahead, Kate took his arm roughly, dragging him away from the campsite and Ana, into the jungle where they couldn't be overheard.

"What is your problem with me?" she asked once they were alone, tired and hurt and sick of playing guessing games with him. That was the difference between him and Kevin: at least Kevin was willing to tell her how he felt, even if it wasn't all good.

"I already apologised for kissing you," she added in an angry whisper, knowing that it was the last thing her soon to be ex-husband needed to hear. He already thought she was a liar and a criminal; she wasn't sure that she wanted to add adulteress to the mix. "There's nothing I can do about it now, so why can't we just forget it and move on?"

He gave her a wounded look, pulling his arm away from her and meeting her eyes as he said, "What did Kevin call you back there?" taking the conversation in a completely different direction to the one she'd been anticipating.

It took her a moment to realise what he was talking about, and then she cringed inwardly, realising, to both her horror and relief that Ana had kept her mouth shut while she was alone with him. This wasn't about her being a criminal. It wasn't about the kiss either. It was about something else entirely.

"He called you 'Mon', which, unless I'm missing something, isn't a term of endearment," he supplied for her when she took her time answering, surveying her with a mixture of anger and disgust. "And there's no way it's a nickname for 'Kate'. What does he think your name is?"

"Monica," she said softy, too exhausted to even think about lying at this point. Lying had gotten her into this mess; she couldn't see it getting her out of it.

"So if your name's Monica, why did you tell me it was Kate?" he pressed with the same dark look he'd given her when he walked away from their second kiss. It was ironic; she'd actually allowed herself to be honest with him, to show him a side of herself that not even the man she'd married was privy to, and he still thought she was lying to him.

"Because it is," she told him softly, wondering if this was what it felt like to have karma catch up with you. "Katherine, but my mom was the only one who ever called me that. Everything I told you is true – I grew up in Cedar Rapids with a guy named Tom. He got killed because of me, and I kept that plane so I wouldn't forget. I never lied to you – to Kevin, but not to you."

She was being more honest with him than she'd ever been with anyone else in her life; she choked back a sob when he let out a derisive laugh, dismissing her story as if it were all part of some game she was playing with him. "Sure, because if you could find it in yourself to lie to your husband, of course you're going to tell the guy you met in a plane crash the truth."

She was trying to find the words to tell him that for some reason, that was exactly what had happened when he went on, his eyes flashing with fury. "How many times have you done this, Kate, Monica – whatever your name is? Do you have a different one for every guy you screw over, or did you just think it would be easier to get away with whatever con you're pulling here?"

Desperation rose inside her as it occurred to her that there was no way she could convince him that she was being honest with him now, not when he seemed to have made up his mind to the contrary. "I swear I'm telling the truth, Jack," she sobbed, trying to get him to look at her, to see how earnest she was, but there was pity in his gaze as he turned away from her, striding back over to rejoin the group.

"I wish I could believe you."

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Poor Kate, getting dumped twice in one night (once by a guy she wasn't technically involved with!), but don't worry, next chapter she'll receive some comfort from a familiar Tailie… 


	15. Chapter 15

Thanks for the reviews. I know some of you are pretty peeved at me for making Jack angry at Kate, but don't worry, by the end of this chapter, I think you'll have a better idea of where I'm going with this... (And for the record, I'm a hardcore Jater, as those of you who've read my other fics will know! ;) I just got tired of writing the same story over and over, so I thought I'd try something new in this and my last fic.)

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Chapter 15. Psychoanalysis 

After being dismissed by both Kevin and Jack, Kate wandered back over to the campsite, but she didn't try to reassimilate herself into the group. She didn't feel like being social, so while Jack and Ana shared their plans with a despondent-looking Kevin, she perched on a log on the other side of the fire, prodding the flames with a stick.

She was contemplating turning in for the night, not because she had any intention of sleeping, but because it was the best way she could think of to avoid everyone, when the blonde woman she'd noticed with Jack and Ana earlier sat down tentatively beside her.

"You look like you could use a friend," she said with a warm grin when Kate glanced up at her, torn between the need to make a connection with someone in this place, and her desire to remain alone with her thoughts. "I'm Libby, and you must be Kevin's wife – Kate, right?"

Hearing her name, her real name, Kate wondered if it was Kevin or Ana who had her this information. "_Ex_-wife," she corrected her, testing it out. If they were going to be there for as long as Ana seemed to think, it was a phrase she was going to have to get used to.

"Really?" Libby asked, eyes wide with surprise, and confusion. "As of when?"

Kate gave her a wry smile. "As of about half an hour ago."

"Oh." The other woman looked sheepish as she shifted her attention to the fire. "No wonder you look like someone just ran over your dog."

Out of the corner of her eye, Kate saw Libby give her a sidelong glance, checking to see how her joke had been received; she cracked a tiny smile at the expectant look on her face, touched by this strange woman's kindness. She didn't have to come over, or try to cheer her up, but for some reason, she wanted to.

When she didn't say anything in response, the other woman's expression turned serious again. "You know, back in the real world, I counsel people about stuff like this, so if you wanna talk about it…"

Kate didn't know what she would say, not without betraying her secret, so she shook her head, offering her a weak smile. "Not really. But thanks."

Libby nodded, not appearing at all offended by Kate's reluctance to talk to her as she turned her gaze back on the fire. "Okay, we can just sit here," she agreed, settling herself more comfortably on the log.

She was shivering in her tattered halter neck dress, her arms crossed tightly over her chest, so Kate took a shirt out of her pack and offered it to her with a smile.

She accepted it gratefully, returning Kate's grin as she slipped it on over her clothes. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

They went back to sitting for a while, until Libby broke the silence again. "Do you mind if I ask you something?"

Kate didn't want to risk alienating the one person willing to associate with her, not when she'd already been cast out of the inner circle, so she shook her head, tensing as she anticipated the question.

"What happened? The way he talks about you… I can't remember the last time I saw a guy that in love."

Kate wasn't ready for everyone to know, so she settled for providing her with a heavily censored version of the story. "I lied to him about who I really was, and when he found out the truth, he couldn't deal with it." She gave her a wistful smile as she remembered Kevin's exact words: _I love you, and I'm glad you're okay, but I don't know you, and I'm not sure I want to._ "He said he didn't know me."

Libby offered her a sympathetic smile, touching her arm gently as she said, "Everybody lies in relationships, Kate. I'm sure he'll get over it."

Kate wanted to believe her, but she couldn't. Things had gone to far now to ever go back. Kevin wouldn't be able to forgive her, not when he could barely bring himself to say her name. "No, he won't. Everybody lies, but not like this – this was… big."

Libby looked over at her curiously, but seemed to know better than to ask. "So what are you going to do about it?" she said. "Are you going to try to work things out with him?"

Kate's eyes flicked over to Jack, still talking to Ana on the other side of the campsite, as she considered Libby's question. Kevin had gone off on his own again, into the darkness, leaving the two of them alone to chat like old friends. As she watched, Ana turned to Jack with a flirtatious grin, saying something Kate couldn't hear. Her stomach tightened as he laughed, running a hand over his hair, and for a moment she wondered if they were laughing at her.

"I don't know," she said finally. "I don't know if I can."

Once the words were out of her mouth, she realised that it wasn't just Kevin she was talking about; she didn't realise how obvious this was until she saw Libby glance over at Jack and Ana with a knowing smile.

"You don't know if you can, or you don't know if you want to?"

"I don't… what exactly are you suggesting?" Kate asked, but she knew she wasn't fooling anyone, least of all herself.

"I saw the way you were looking at him, at Jack," Libby said. "You have feelings for him, don't you?"

When Kate stared down at the jungle floor, guilty that her break up with Kevin wasn't the only source of her self-pity, she added in a gentler tone, "It's okay if you do – I've dealt with enough relationships in my career life to know that when it comes to love, more often than not, the timing sucks. In your case, it just sucks a little more than most people's."

It was the best lead-in she was ever going to get; before she could stop herself, Kate found herself confessing, desperate to get it off of her chest, "I kissed him today, in the jungle. He thinks it was a mistake, that I was just confused and upset over something he said, but I…"

"You think it might be something else?"

"Yeah," she agreed, biting her lip. "I don't know what to call it yet, but I feel something for him. Do you think what I did counts as cheating?" She wanted her to say no, to tell her it was okay, that she wasn't like her mother, but at the same time, she wasn't sure she deserved to be let off the hook.

"To some people it would," Libby began slowly, looking thoughtful as she considered this, "especially if you have feelings for him, but then kissing someone isn't like having sex – there isn't always time to stop and think about what you're about to do. So in a way, even though it's still a betrayal, it's a lot easier to justify."

What she'd said made sense, but Kate couldn't help feeling guilty when she reminded herself that she'd had plenty of time to think before trying to seduce Jack in the jungle. The first kiss was a fluke, but the second; that was premeditated. "What if I told you that if he hadn't stopped me, I don't know what it would've turned into…?"

"I guess that depends on how far you were willing to let it go."

Kate sighed, staring down at the dirt. It was all so complicated, she felt like her head was going to explode with all the conflicting thoughts swirling inside it. "I don't know," she admitted softly, glad that she wasn't having this conversation with her husband. "I knew what I was doing was wrong, that I was hurting Kevin, that even though it felt good, I'd be ashamed of myself afterwards, but I wanted to keep going. Does that make me a bad person?"

"No, I don't think so," Libby allowed, her smile sympathetic, "not if you really care about Jack. That just makes you human, and we, as humans, are all incredibly complex and messed up. I sometimes wonder how anyone gets out of bed in the morning," she added with a laugh, succeeding in forcing another grin out of Kate.

"That's exactly what Jack said when I freaked out," she told her, glancing over at him, still alone, with Ana. "Not that last part, but the part about being human."

"He's a smart guy," Libby agreed, following Kate's eyes across the campsite. "They're both really great guys – I can see why it would be so hard for you."

She watched Jack and Ana with Kate for a moment, before turning the conversation back to her. "So how did it make you feel – when you kissed Jack?"

It wasn't something Kate had allowed herself to think much about, not when she thought it couldn't go anywhere, but now that she was free to pursue him if she wanted, she realised how frightening that was. "Guilty. Scared. Overwhelmed," she said, confused by the intensity of her feelings after such a short time. "I love Kevin – I have pretty much from the moment I met him – but with Jack, there's this connection that I never had with him, or any other guy I've ever been with. When I'm talking to him, I want to tell him everything, even the stuff I'm not proud of," she confessed, "and not just because I feel bad about lying to him."

"You said lies are what ruined your relationship with Kevin, so why don't you?" Libby suggested gently. "Whatever it is, the anticipation's gotta be worse, right?"

Normally, Kate would agree with her; there were days when she was with Kevin when the fear of discovery made her sick; but knowing how sordid the details of her history appeared from the outside, she wasn't sure she was ready to see the look in his eyes when he found out who she really was. "Because the truth would scare him, and he'd hate me the way Kevin does now," she told her softly.

"There's always that possibility," the other woman agreed, "that he might not like what you have to say, but who knows? He might even surprise you.

"Either way, don't you think the truth's worth a shot? If you tell him, and he can find a way past it, then you'll know that he really cares about _you_, and not just whoever you've been pretending to be. And if he can't – at least you'll save yourself the heartache of going through what you went through with Kevin."

She yawned, covering her mouth, before closing her speech with, "Those are my thoughts, anyway. It's been a long day – I'm gonna try to get some sleep. Just think about what I said, okay? People aren't always the monsters we make them out to be."

Kate couldn't help but smile when it occurred to her that, in spite of her objections, she'd just been psychoanalysed by a professional. "That's amazing, what you just did there – how you snuck in and gave me a therapy session when I told you I didn't want one."

Libby grinned as she stretched her back and stood. "That's my job. Oh, and Kate?" she added as she headed off to the dark corner of the campsite where some of the others were sleeping. "Good luck."

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Next chapter(s): More on Jack and Ana's plan, and Jack and Kate have a serious conversation (Meanwhile, Kevin gets jealous...) ;) 


	16. Chapter 16

Thanks for the reviews -- I'm glad you all liked Libby. I'm actually considering giving her a more prominent role now!

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Chapter 16. Making Amends 

Once Libby had left her to her own devices, Kate followed her advice and thought about what she'd said well into the night, not just about Jack, but about Kevin. She was right: Kevin was a great guy, a really great guy, and a part of Kate would always love him for it, but now that she'd lost him, she wasn't sure that she wanted to reopen old wounds by trying to win him back. He knew the truth now, and that should make it easier, but his reaction only seemed to highlight the differences in where they were coming from: he wanted a house in the suburbs, and a wife who would stay home with their half a dozen kids, something safe and predictable to come home to at the end of the day, and at this point in her life, she couldn't give him that. She was everything he was trying to escape from after he left the station; he deserved to be with someone else, someone normal, someone who could give him the life that he wanted without any strings, and she… well, she needed to make sure that she didn't spend the rest of hers wondering 'what if?': What if Jack was different? What if he could handle the truth? What if her instincts were right, and they really were great together?

It wouldn't be easy, but she decided that the only way to find out the answers to these questions was to tell him the truth, and take it from there. If he still wanted her after that, then she'd know that what they had was real, and if he didn't… then Libby was right, she'd save herself a lot of pain further down the line.

She woke the next morning determined to force a confrontation with Jack, but when she sought him out shortly before sunrise, he was standing at the edge of the campsite with Ana, holding another one of their war counsels, and she lost her nerve. She wasn't sure how to get him alone without attracting the other woman's attention and causing a scene, so she took her backpack and wandered down to a gully at the bottom of the hill.

The others were all back at the campsite; with a quick look around to make sure that no one had followed her, she peeled off her soiled t-shirt and soaked it in the stream, draping it over a branch to dry. She was still caked in mud from their adventure in the jungle; tying her hair back into a messy bun, she knelt on the bank, closing her eyes as she filtered the water through her fingers, rinsing herself off.

She was so immersed in pretending that it was a real shower, and not stream in the middle of nowhere, that she didn't hear someone else approaching until their footsteps were followed with a startled murmur of, "Sorry… I should've let you know I was coming".

Opening her eyes, she turned to see an uncomfortable-looking Kevin standing on the slope behind her, his gaze travelling from the waistband of her jeans, up her bare back, to a point just above her head, as he tried not to stare.

"I saw you come down here on your own," he explained by way of further apology, swallowing and averting his eyes as she reached into her pack for a clean shirt, "and since we've had some… trouble… with the natives, I just wanted to make sure you didn't get into any yourself."

She offered him a friendly smile once she was dressed and he looked up again, touched by his lingering concern. "It's okay, it's not like it's anything you haven't seen before," she reminded him with a wry grin, resisting the urge to laugh at how absurd the situation was. Technically, they were married; married people weren't supposed to get embarrassed over things like this.

"Yeah," he agreed, licking his lips as he stared down at the dirt; they were both blushing now, scores of memories, some not too distant, running through each of their heads.

When the silence began to get too painful, he looked up again, clearing his throat as he waited for her to stop collecting her things and meet his eyes. "While we're here, I just wanna apologise for some of the things I said last night. I was out of line, and I'm sorry. It's not that I don't want to know you, it's just…" he turned away, back towards the campsite as he tried to find the right words, "…hard. I need some time to get used to this, because right now, I just want my wife – Monica – back. Does that make sense?"

She nodded, a fresh wave of guilt and shame washing over her, wishing that she could be the woman he so desperately wanted her to be, if only to make him happy again. "Yeah, it does," she said, resisting the urge to add insult to injury by apologising again.

He offered her a weak smile, seemingly relieved that they'd been able to reach this understanding. "I guess I should get back and leave you to it," he said, gesturing over his shoulder, to their campsite. "You should probably come back too – it's not safe out here alone, and Jack and Ana wanna head out soon."

"Okay," she agreed, returning his smile until he disappeared into the trees. Once he was gone, and she could breathe again, she dropped her head into her hands, letting out an exasperated groan. She wanted to run away from this God-forsaken island, to start over somewhere where nobody knew her, or what a mess she'd made of things, but instead, she was stuck in limbo between two really sweet guys who both wanted her but didn't like what she was capable of.

She waited until she'd composed herself before climbing the hill back up to their campsite, to where everyone was now awake and preparing to follow Jack to the beach.

"Hey," she said when she spotted him chatting to Libby and a couple of other people she didn't recognise, making her way over to his side. To her relief, Ana wasn't with him; in fact, she was nowhere in sight. "Can I talk to you?"

Libby gave her a sympathetic look when he said, "Now's really not a good time," brushing her off as he moved on to the next group.

She probably should have taken this as a sign that he wasn't interested in her, or anything that she had to say, but she wasn't ready to give up, not until he heard her out, so she followed him, succeeding in getting his attention when she grasped his arm, adding, "It's important".

On the other side of the campsite, she could see Kevin watching them, his expression dark and unreadable as he brooded on their intimate body language, but she pretended not to notice as she waited for Jack to respond.

"Okay, you've got five minutes," he agreed after a moment, studying her seriously as he glanced sidelong at her, but he didn't stop.

"It's not really a conversation we can have in five minutes," she argued with an exasperated sigh, wondering if he was ever going to let up long enough for her to finish. He was so different to Kevin, so much less inclined to forgive personal injuries; she guessed a lot of that had to do with his cheating wife.

"Then we're just gonna have to have it later," he said, lengthening his strides, the tiny bit of warmth he'd just shown her flickering out of his gaze, as if he thought this was another lie.

"I really want to tell you everything, Jack," she assured him, keeping her voice low so that no one else would hear her, "why I lied to Kevin, what happened to Tom, what I did to cause all this…"

Her words seemed to have the desired effect when he came to a complete halt, searching her face for signs of insincerity. "You really wanna tell me?" he asked when he seemed to find none; taking a deep breath, she nodded, awaiting his verdict.

"Okay," he agreed, nodding seriously, his anger fading as he gave her a tight smile. "Tonight when we make camp, we'll finish this."

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Next chapter(s): The truth, and Jack's reaction to it! And Kevin continues to get jealous as he picks up on their relationship... 


	17. Chapter 17

Thanks for the reviews. And now for the chapter you've all been waiting for...;)

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Chapter 17. And That's The Truth? 

Once they set out, Kate didn't see Jack again until nightfall as he walked alongside Ana at the head of the group. He wanted to cut back through the jungle the way he and Kate had come, but with everyone still so spooked over their encounter with the "Others", he was forced to concede to Ana's plan of circling the coast.

They walked until dusk, then made camp on the beach, sheltered by the trees at top of the dunes. With the help of pieces of wreckage fashioned into spears, some of the men managed to catch fish, and they roasted them over the fire as the sun sank the rest of the way from the sky.

Kate could never seem to catch Jack alone as he tended to people's bites and blisters and answered questions about Sayid's mission to the cockpit, so she waited until the fire had died down, and most of the others had gone to bed to approach him again.

"You didn't forget, did you?" she asked, jumping up from her own spot, and crossing the campsite to him once Ana had gone to lie down with the others.

She expected him to come back with some semi-flirtatious quip, but he eyed her seriously as he said, "You still want to have that conversation?"

When she nodded, gesturing for him to follow her into the jungle where they wouldn't be overhead, he added, a hint of something that might have been jealousy in his tone, "What about Kevin? Don't you think he's going to mind his wife going off with another guy in the middle of the night?"

"Maybe," she agreed, keeping her voice low as she glanced over to where Kevin was sleeping, or pretending to sleep; she couldn't tell in this light, "but there's nothing he can do about it anymore." When Jack just stared at her, confused, she realised that she hadn't updated him on their relationship status, so she explained, for his benefit, "We broke up."

She could see that he was trying not to look too interested as he asked, "Really?"

"Really," she agreed, cracking a tiny smile at how simultaneously hopeful and ashamed he managed to look. "He says he wants an annulment."

"What about you?" he checked; he was testing the waters, trying to find out where this all left them, so she answered, "Yeah, I guess I want one too," realising that it was true. "It was a mistake – you know how you can just tell sometimes, even when everything's working?"

He nodded as he climbed to his feet. "That's what my marriage to Sarah was like – there was nothing wrong, at least not at first, but it didn't really feel right, either."

"Kevin's a good guy – sweet and easy to get along with," she agreed, settling on a tree stump once they were far enough away from the campsite to be completely alone, but still close enough to make out the other's face, "but he's a cop, and I'm… I'm not exactly a law-abiding citizen."

"I'm guessing if you couldn't even tell him your name – your _real_ name – we're not exactly talking parking tickets," Jack said, more as a statement than a question as he perched across from her, studying her in the dim light.

She shook her head, staring into the darkness as she tried to find the right words to begin.

"Three years ago, I killed a man," she confessed after a long moment, realising that there was no easy way to break it to him. She licked her lips before continuing, "My stepfather. Wayne. At least I thought he was my stepfather, until I found out my dad was out of the country until a few months before I was born. I left the gas on," she explained, "and when he came home from the bar, I blew up the house… with him inside."

Once all this was out, she paused, waiting for his reaction; shock, confusion, even a hint of fear passed through his eyes as he processed this information. "Why?" he asked finally, after several failed attempts to speak.

It was too hard to explain, so she gave him the same answer she'd given Cassidy when she asked her to help her confront her mother. "Because he was a bad guy."

"What do you mean he was a 'bad guy', Kate?" he pressed, his bewildered expression taking on a shade of concern. "Did he do something to you? Did he hurt you?"

Biting her lip, she shook her head vehemently before confessing, "He used to get drunk and beat up my mom, put her in the hospital a couple of times, but he never hurt me, not unless I got in the way. I wish I could give you some story about how he molested me when I was nine, but he never touched me. Not like that."

"And that's the truth?" he asked, looking dubious, as if he thought she were lying out of fear that he'd think less of her.

"That's the truth," she agreed, meeting his eyes.

He nodded, letting out a long breath as he took all this in. "Jesus, Kate. Of all the things I thought you were gonna tell me… this was nowhere on the list." He ran a hand over his hair, shaking his head in disbelief before asking, "So what about Tom? How does he fit into all this?"

This was harder to answer; she took a deep breath, willing herself to remain in control as she said, "Remember how I told you he was a doctor?"

"Yeah, I remember," he agreed slowly, as if he wasn't sure what this had to do with anything.

"About a year after I… after I did what I did… my mom was diagnosed with cancer. The doctors all said it was incurable, so I asked him to help me sneak into the hospital so I could see her before she… before she died," she finished in a rush.

"There were cops all over the place, waiting for me to show up. When I tried to talk to her, she called out for one of them to help her, so I did the only thing I could do – I borrowed Tom's car and I ran. I told him it wasn't safe, but he… he wanted to come with me." The tears she'd tried so hard to ignore were burning her eyes now, making it impossible for her to see; she choked on a sob as she ended the story with, "He died right in front of me, shot by one of the bullets that was meant for me."

As her hands came up to cover her breakdown, she felt Jack reach out and touch her wrist lightly, tentatively, before pulling first one, then the other, away. "Hey, it's okay – it's not your fault," he murmured, kneeling in front of her, still holding her hands, brow furrowed with helpless concern. "You said you told him to get out, right?"

She nodded feebly, hiccupping as she tried to pull herself together.

"So you did everything you could."

He waited until she finished composing herself before adding, "That's it – that's everything?"

She wanted to agree, but since she'd promised to tell him the whole truth, not just the parts that painted her in the best light, she shook her head. "A couple of months after that I helped some guys rob a bank in New Mexico," she confessed, staring down at her hands, fresh shame washing over her as she tried to see it through his eyes.

"The marshal who was chasing me found the plane, and when he couldn't catch me, he put it in a safe deposit box to lure me there. I didn't take anything else, just the plane, and when the guys I was working with threatened to kill the manager, I shot them. That's it, I swear."

She looked up again in time to see him let out another drawn out sigh, but when he continued to remain silent, his expression carefully controlled, she added timidly, "Are you okay? Say something, please."

"It's a lot to digest," he pointed out, his voice slow and deliberate, giving away no clue as to what he was thinking.

"I know," she agreed, tearing up again as she added, "You probably wish you'd never met me now that you know who I really am."

"No, I'm glad I met you," he corrected her with a genuine smile. "I know you don't believe it, but underneath it all, you're a good person, Kate."

As much as she longed to believe that his feelings were really this clear-cut and simple, she couldn't, not in light of everything she'd just told him. "Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive me?" she asked softly, afraid that any minute now, he was going to turn tail and run.

But he didn't, reaching over and cupping her chin in his palm, forcing her eyes back to his as he said, "There's nothing to forgive, Kate – you killed your stepfather to protect your mom, Tom was just bad luck, and you said it yourself, the marshal goaded you into robbing that bank.

"I can't say I agree with what you did, _any_ of what you did – I wish you'd let the cops handle Wayne – but I get why you didn't. I get why you reacted the way you did, and I don't think I could ever regret meeting you – in fact, meeting you is the only good thing that's happened to me since I left the U.S."

"You're really going to be okay with it?" she asked, searching his eyes. "With me being a fugitive?"

"Maybe not today, but I will, if that's what it takes," he agreed, causing a hopeful smile to break out across her face.

Mirroring her grin, he slid his hand to her jaw, running his thumb over her lips; before she could say another word, he brought his own up to meet hers in their first real kiss. This time, as she surrendered to him, relaxing her body into his, there was no guilt or fear, just the sheer joy of knowing that it was really her he wanted.

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Let the jealousy begin! I know I could've made Jack angry, but I figure that that would be hypocritical since he was the one who kept pushing the issue. 

Next chapter: Jack and Kate try to keep their burgeoning relationship quiet as the trek back to the beach continues...


	18. Chapter 18

Thanks for the reviews. I'm glad you all thought the last chapter worked. It wasn't easy to write, balancing a credible reaction to Kate's criminal past with Jack's desire to move forward in their relationship...

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Chapter 18. The Right Thing To Do 

"So did you and Jack have that talk yet?" Libby asked as they trudged along the coastline the following morning.

In light of the delicate situation they found themselves in with Kevin, Kate had opted to hang back while Jack walked up front with Ana; to the unsuspecting eye, their relationship appeared no different to what it had been yesterday, only this morning he kept glancing back at Kate and smiling.

"Yeah," she agreed as she met his eyes again with a coy smile, shifting her attention back to Libby when Kevin spun around to see what Jack was looking at. "I did."

Kevin frowned when her movements weren't fluid enough to keep him from noticing her guilty expression, casting a dark look at Jack as he turned back to the path ahead.

"How'd it go?" Libby pressed, witnessing this exchange without comment; Kate could just see the wheels turning in her psychologist's brain as she tried to decipher its meaning.

Kate was pretty sure that it meant Kevin no longer believed her story about Jack being just a doctor, but she pushed this thought aside as she said, "It went… well," downplaying her excitement at the unexpected turn the conversation had taken.

Libby laughed, raising her eyebrows as Jack rummaged through his backpack, trying to sneak another peak at Kate out of the corner of his eye. "That's why he hasn't been able to take his eyes off you all morning."

"You were right," Kate agreed with a shrug, sharing the other woman's grin, "sometimes people really do surprise you."

She smiled as they continued on in silence, flashing back to the way Jack had kissed her in the jungle the night before, but her happiness was short-lived when she remembered the look on Kevin's face as he watched Jack watch her. "Do you think it's a bad idea to get involved with him when I only just broke up with Kevin?" she asked, suddenly ashamed at herself for taking steps towards moving on while he was still so crushed.

"Everyone handles break ups differently, Kate," Libby said, touching her arm gently to get her to look at her. "Some people grieve… some move on. No one can tell you what you should or shouldn't be feeling – if you think this is what's right for you, then it isn't a bad idea. You have to do what makes you happy."

Turning these words over in her head, realising how much sense they made, Kate gave her a soft smile. "You're amazing, you know that? How'd you get to be so smart?"

The other woman laughed again, lifting one shoulder slightly as she explained, nonchalant, "Years of listening to other people's problems has given me a certain insight… and a massive therapy bill of my own."

"Yeah, well, if we're stuck here much longer, you should start charging," Kate told her, refusing to believe that someone as seemingly well-adjusted as Libby would ever need that much help. "You'd be the richest woman on the island."

"So what does Kevin think of all this?" Libby asked at the next lull in the conversation, giving her a tentative look.

"I don't know – I haven't told him," Kate confessed, feeling her cheeks flush with shame at how selfish and cowardly that made her look. She wanted to be honest with him, but she wasn't sure how much more honesty he could take now that he knew her secret.

"Don't you think you should?" Libby pressed, echoing her thoughts. "I know you broke up, but it's the right thing to do, especially with the three of you stranded here like this. It could get really messy otherwise."

"I know, and I want to tell him," Kate agreed, "but I need to know where all this is going first." She flushed again, with embarrassment this time, as she added, " Jack and I didn't really get a chance to talk about it last night…"

* * *

Later that night, when she asked Jack to take a walk with her into the jungle, she had every intention of raising both points with him, but this was easier said than done when they found themselves completely and utterly alone for the first time in almost twenty-four hours. 

"I missed you," he breathed in between kisses when they sat down in a clearing away from the others, pulling her forward so that she was straddling his lap; it was another few minutes before she could muster the will to speak, lost in the heady rush of being in his arms. With Kevin it was always... nice; he was gentle and sweet; but this... this was unlike anything she'd ever experienced. She didn't want to stop, but the more she tried to shut them out, the louder Libby's words resounded in her head.

It _is_ the right thing to do, she agreed.

"Jack," she tried, breaking the kiss, letting out an exasperated sigh when he shifted his lips to her throat instead of answering. It felt so good; closing her eyes, turning her head slightly to allow him better access, she wanted to give in, but she couldn't, not until things with Kevin were resolved. "Jack, I think we should tell Kevin about this – about us," she continued, sighing again when all she got was a non-committal grunt. "If there even in an 'us'."

"Mmm," he murmured in response, his face still buried in her neck.

She could feel her body temperature rising, making it difficult to concentrate so she pushed him away, gently but firmly. "Jack, are you even listening?" she asked, sliding back off of his lap so that he had no choice but to acknowledge the fact that she was trying to have a serious conversation with him. "I said we should talk to Kevin."

Releasing an exasperated sigh of his own, he ran a hand over his hair, giving her a serious look. "And we will, Kate, but it's the middle of the night. Everyone's asleep, including Kevin. Do you really want to wake him up with this?"

"No, I guess not," she agreed reluctantly, bracing her hands against his chest when he tried to draw her back in, returning her to his lap, "but I'm not comfortable with sneaking around, either, which is why we can't take this any further tonight."

He lifted his eyes to meet hers, his disappointment evident as he tried to gage how serious she was. "He broke up with you, Kate," he reminded her, but he was hesitating too now, sharing her guilt. "What you do – what _we_ do – is none of his business."

"I know," she told him softly, cupping his jaw in her hands as he pressed a gentle kiss to his lips to placate him. "I just want to make sure we do this right. I don't want to start another relationship with lies and deceit."

He nodded, understanding, tightening his arms around her as he balanced his forehead against hers. "Okay, you win. We'll tell Kevin tomorrow, first chance we get." His serious look faded, replaced by a devilish grin as he added, "But in the mean time, I don't see any reason why I can't do this…" bringing his mouth back down to envelop hers.

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Next chapter: Kate talks to Kevin about her relationship with Jack... ;) 


	19. Chapter 19

Does anyone know what's going on with the menu?

I haven't heard anything, so I'm not sure how many of you missed me, but just in case you did, I will explain my week-long absence. It was a combination of things: the flu, Harry Potter, and lack of motivation due to the fact that reviews have been steadily declining.

So basically I've spent the last few days reading _The Deathly Hallows _instead of working on my usual daily updates... (I'm not quite finished yet, so please, no one comment on the ending!)

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Chapter 19. Telling Kevin 

Even though Jack was prepared to come with her, in the end, Kate decided that it was probably better if she talked to Kevin alone. She wasn't sure how he was going to react to the news, and she didn't want to tempt fate by offering him someone to lash out at.

She got her chance just after sunrise when she spotted Kevin sitting alone by the dying fire, emptying the sand out of his shoes. He ignored her approach, his attention focused on reknotting the laces; she wasn't sure he knew she was there until she said "We need to talk," and he glanced up at her, his eyes fierce.

"You're damn right we do."

She was so taken aback at his anger when she hadn't said anything yet that all she could manage was a startled, "What?"

With a final, violent jerk on his shoelace, he pushed himself to his feet. "You came to tell me that you're sleeping with that Jack guy, right?" He let out a sardonic, self-deprecating laugh as he added, throwing her words back in her face, "The doctor who just came along to help with the wounded. I can't believe I actually bought that."

"I'm not sleeping with him," she told him softly, feeling guilty, since while she'd managed to refrain for Kevin's sake, it wasn't like she hadn't wanted to. She almost had. "I haven't been with anyone else since we met." She was telling the truth this time, but after all of the lies she'd told him, she wasn't surprised when he didn't believe her.

"That's why you came back from the jungle looking all flustered last night," he retorted, his voice bitter as he turned away from her, towards the ocean, in disgust. "It may've taken me six months to figure out your real name, but do you really think I'm so naive that I haven't noticed the way you look at each other? Or that that's the second time you've gone off with him in the middle of the night? For someone who makes a career out of lying, you're not doing a very good job of hiding it."

After days of suffering his hot and cold persecution, of enduring both verbal and non-verbal guilt trips, her patience with him was beginning to wear thin. "You're right," she agreed, matching his tone, "I'm not gonna insult your intelligence by telling you there's nothing going on, but I did not cheat on you. I wanted to be straight with you, so you knew that this really was over, before I slept with him."

"Then where'd you get the love bite?" he pressed, eyeing her throat as he added, "'Cause I sure as hell didn't give it to you."

Surprised, Kate brought her fingers up to her throat, running them over the spot he was glaring at. She bit back a smile when she realised he was right; the skin beneath her jaw, just below her ear, felt bruised, where Jack's lips had touched it the night before. Untucking her hair from behind her ear so that it was hidden from view, she made a mental note to tease him about it later.

Kevin was still giving her an expectant look, waiting for to try to defend herself again, so she said, "If I remember right, _you_ were the one who decided we should get our marriage annulled, so I don't have to justify myself to you. This is just a courtesy."

His expression darkened when she didn't deny the fact that her relationship with Jack had taken a physical turn. "I didn't hear you put up much of a fight – you were waiting for me to give you an out. Guess I know why now." His eyes flashed with wounded anger, and she almost felt sorry for him, until he added, sounding uncharacteristically juvenile, "Go, enjoy your fling with this guy – I hope he's worth it."

"That is not what this is," she corrected him, though in the back of her mind, she wasn't sure. Even after her conversation with Libby, she hadn't been able to get Jack to describe his feelings for her, or put a label to what was happening between them.

Kevin seized hold of this uncertainty, grasping at straws as he asked "Did he tell you that? Or are you just hoping he will?"

It took her a moment to answer, flashing back to the scene in the jungle the night before. When she referred to herself and Jack as "us", he hadn't contradicted her, but he hadn't confirmed it either, unless she counted his non-committal "Mmm".

"He's not like that, Kevin," she said finally, setting her doubts aside, her instincts telling her that Jack wasn't the kind of guy who only cared about having a warm body in his bed. "I told him I was married when we met, and he respected that. He never pushed me for anything – when I was upset because I thought you were cheating on me, and I kissed him, _he_ was the one who pulled away."

She was so busy trying to defend Jack's honour that she didn't realise what she'd said until Kevin gave her a sharp look. "This kiss – how long ago was it?"

Knowing that she'd been caught out, she stared down at the sand, confessing quietly, guiltily, "Three days ago. On the way over here."

Recoiling from her as if she'd slapped him, he ran his hands over his face as he walked in a slow, frustrated circle. "So while I was on the other side of the island trying to get Ana to leave you alone, you were making out with some guy you just met?"

Since discovering the truth, she'd tried to avoid thinking of it like that, but now, tears burned her eyes as she whispered, "I'm sorry, Kevin – I never meant for any of this to happen. I wanted this to work, but it just… didn't. I don't know why it does with Jack, but it does. It's different."

"So what happens when he finds out the truth?" he asked, his voice breaking, and looking up at him, she could see that he was torn between his desire to lash out at her, and the love that prevented him from doing so.

"He knows," she admitted, returning her eyes to the sand when she saw the raw pain in his expression at these words, "and he's okay with it. I don't know what we're gonna do, but he didn't run like I thought he would."

_Like you did_, she added silently, the words hanging in the air between them.

Neither of them spoke for a long moment; Kate had never seen him look so wretched and angry, like for once if his life, he could have hit her, until a snatch of conversation broke into the silence.

Jack was walking along the beach with Ana, glancing over at them distractedly before returning his attention to her. Kevin's head jerked up on hearing his voice, the sound causing something inside him to snap; before Kate had time to realise what he was planning to do, he was striding across the sand towards them, swinging his fist into Jack's face.

The first blow seemed to catch Jack by surprise, sending him stumbling backwards as it connected with his jaw. "I take it she told you," he said as he straightened up, clutching his injured face, but his lack of remorse only seemed to incense Kevin further.

"So you admit you've been trying to screw my wife behind my back?" he growled in a tone Kate had never heard him use before; Jack was ready when he pulled back to hit him a second time, blocking his arm as he threw a punch of his own.

"I wasn't _trying_ to do anything," he returned as Ana rolled her eyes and jumped on him, pinning his arms.

Following her lead, Kate rushed over to do the same thing with Kevin, before either man could hit, or get hit, again.

He shook her off once he began to calm down, wiping the blood from his nose with the back of his hand as he glared at Jack. It didn't look broken, Kate realised with relief, since there was little chance he would let Jack treat it later.

"I wasn't trying to do anything," Jack repeated, meeting Kevin's eyes as their breathing began to slow. "This was your choice. Sooner or later you're going to have to face up to that. You chose to end things with her – if you hadn't, I would've backed off. I'm sorry she lied to you, but you can't keep playing the victim, not when it sounds like you never really wanted the truth."

Kate expected Kevin to leap on Jack again for making such presumptuous comments, but his anger faded to resignation at these words. "You know what? I give up," he said, looking over at her, his eyes sad, but full of acceptance. "Go, be with him if that's what you really want – if that's what'll make you happy."

She bit her lip to keep from crying, offering him a grateful nod, relieved that he wasn't going to try to stand in the way anymore.

He gave her a tiny smile in return before turning back to Jack, staring him down with his best bad cop look as he added, a hint of menace in his tone, "But if I find out this was all to get her into bed…"

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There you go midnight-sk8r -- I made Kevin punch Jack! ;) (And of course Jack hit him back, because we all know he's no weakling!) 

Next chapter: Jack and Kate discuss their relationship while Kate tends to his wounds...


	20. Chapter 20

Thanks for the reviews. Kevin doesn't strike me as a violent guy, so I wasn't sure he would hit Jack, but then there really is only so much a guy can take... Things will get better for him, though. I have a plan. ;)

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Chapter 20. I Think I'm Falling In Love With You 

After losing what turned out to be his very public fight with Jack, Kevin slunk off into the jungle, Libby, ever the peacemaker, scurrying along in his wake. He'd taken such a battering, not so much physically as emotionally, that Kate was relieved to see someone go after him, since she could no longer legitimately do so herself.

By the time they returned, Kevin placated, but staring dolefully at the sand, everyone was ready to go; with a mumbled apology aimed more at Kate than at Jack, who he regarded coolly, he brushed past them, merging into the back of the group.

While there was no longer any reason for Kate to keep her distance from Jack, she wasn't sure what to say to him, especially when he seemed so ashamed of stooping to Kevin's level and trading blows with him, so she decided to wait until they were alone to mention it. Instead, she made small talk with him and a reluctant Ana, who either thought she was going to start murdering the other survivors in their sleep, or else just didn't like having to share Jack's confidence, especially with another woman.

She tried to find an opportunity to talk to him throughout the day, hoping to catch him alone as he refilled his water bottle, or stopped to fix his shoelaces, but with twenty other people around, and him the de facto leader, this was more difficult that she anticipated it to be.

It wasn't until after dinner, when the light of the fire began to die, and the others settled down to sleep, that she was able to light a torch and follow him into the jungle, stopping when she saw him perched on a log, feeling his jaw gingerly as he stared pensively into the darkness.

She knew he sensed her presence because he didn't jump when she dug the torch into the dirt and, sliding her backpack off, sat down beside him, avoiding her eyes until she took his face in both hands, tenderly examining the bruise.

Glancing up at her guiltily, he winced as she prodded the bruise with her fingertips, causing her to let out a sympathetic hiss. It wasn't swollen anymore, or fractured, but that didn't change the fact that the whole thing was unnecessary. "I'm sorry he did that to you," she told him, brushing the stubble on his cheek.

He let out a self-deprecating laugh as he freed himself from her, pushing her hands gently away. He didn't seem to want her sympathy, because he thought he deserved Kevin's wrath, or because he hadn't been able to prevent himself from unleashing some of his own, she wasn't sure. "It's okay," he said with a grim smile, "if I'd been able to get my hands on the guy my wife left me for, I can't say I wouldn't've done the same thing."

Kate couldn't help tensing at this unexpected mention of Sarah, wondering if that was what this was all about. Did he see himself as the other guy, the one who'd swooped in and stolen someone else's wife? Or was he still in love with her, and hurting because of it, afraid of letting anyone else get that close?

"What is this, Jack?" she asked softly when they fell into silence, deciding that this was as good an opening as she was going to get to broach the question that had been bothering her all day. After all, she _had_ left her husband for him. "To you? Is it serious? Do you… do you love me?"

He looked back at her seriously, surprised, until understanding dawned on him, darkening his expression. "This is about Kevin, isn't it?"

When she didn't answer, wondering how he would react if she told him that it was, at least in part, he added, "You shouldn't listen to him, Kate. He's angry and jealous – he doesn't want to lose you, but he can't forgive you either, so he's trying to stop you from moving on. It has nothing to do with me or _us_."

She couldn't help noting his casual use of the word "us", as if the fact that they were in a relationship now had been decided without either of them ever saying it, but still, she needed vindication. "You're right," she allowed, "he was angry, but that doesn't change the fact that you've never told me how you feel about me – whether this is just an island… fling," she cringed, using Kevin's word, "to you, or whether you want to find a way to make it work if we ever get rescued."

He didn't hesitate, as if he'd already given it too much thought, before replying, "_When_ we get rescued, I'm going to help you find a lawyer with a spotless track record, and we're going to make sure you stay out of jail."

He brought a hand up to her face, brushing his knuckles lightly over her cheek as he added, his voice low, "It's not a fling, Kate – this isn't about me wanting to sleep with you, I need you to believe me when I say that. I want to be with you – I want us to have a chance."

Searching his eyes, seeing how earnest he was, she felt her own fill with tears as she struggled to conceal how overcome she was. She didn't want to drag him into her world, as dangerous and depressing as it was, but somehow, she sensed that he wasn't going to let her shut him out of it.

His determination to help her only strengthened the warmth she already felt for him; she wasn't sure what to say, how to thank him, or show him what she was feeling, so leaning in, she pressed her lips to his, kissing him softer, and more sweetly, than she ever had before.

She felt him grin against her as he grazed her lips, before deepening the kiss, one arm snaking around her waist, the other sliding up so that his fingers were tangled in her hair.

Taking this as a sign that he wanted to go further, she wrapped her own arms around him, pulling him with her as she slid off the log, to the bed of leaves on the jungle floor.

"Wait," he said breathlessly, breaking the kiss long enough to lift her back up, and pull the blue airline blanket from the top of his pack, stretching it over the ground beneath her. "Okay."

He really was amazing; rather than pick up where they left off, she dropped a feather-light kiss onto the bruise on his jaw, pecking his lips, and smiling at him when she pulled back to rest her forehead against his, her eyes wet with fresh tears.

"What?" he asked, looking slightly confused by her reaction to what was really a simple, practical gesture. "Kate?"

"I think I'm falling in love with you," she told him, not realising that this was how she felt until the words were out. Then she realised it might already be too late.

His eyes widened in surprise, and puzzlement. "It's just a blanket, Kate,"

"To you," she corrected him, and he grinned, seeming to understand that her feelings went beyond the object itself.

"I'm just sorry it's not a bed."

When their lips met this time, he eased her back onto the blanket, settling on top of her once he was sure that she was prepared to take his weight. As their kisses grew more urgent, she paused long enough to slide his t-shirt over his head, pressing her lips to the skin it exposed.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" he asked, meeting her eyes when she pulled back, and she could tell that he was trying hard to control himself, "The last few days have been pretty intense. If you want to—"

She brought her lips back up to his to silence him, waiting until he relaxed to murmur against his ear, "I want _you_, Jack." Sitting up against him, she dragged her own t-shirt over her head, tossing it aside as she added, "Now. Tonight. I don't want to wait anymore."

"Good," he agreed, matching her grin, as he drew her back into his arms, "because I want you too – I was just being a gentleman."

Lowering her back onto the ground, he kissed her again, trailing his lips across her cheek to her throat, over her collarbone, all the way down to the waistband of her jeans, making her laugh and squirm beneath him where his stubble tickled the sensitive skin.

As he began to work the buckle on her belt, he met her eyes again, both of them breathing hard now, and said, expression softening with adoration, "You know what? I think I'm falling in love with you too."

* * *

I know some of you would like me to change the rating, but I'm really not a fan of vulgar sex scenes, especially between Jack and Kate. I heard somewhere that Mills and Boons tells its authors to focus on feelings more so than anything else, and that's what I prefer personally. 

Next chapter(s): the next morning, and I think it's about time the two groups met...


	21. Chapter 21

You know, I really thought I was gonna get more reviews for that chapter, but oh well... To those of you who took the time, thanks, as always.

I never really intended for this fic to go on beyond them getting back to base camp (as I mentioned before, I'm determined to avoid rehashing the events of season one), so if there's anything (or anyone, even the Others!) you want to see, let me know and I'll do my best to incorporate it. Let me know whether you think Kevin should continue to get jealous, or back off, too, because some of you seem to want him to get over it, and others think he's taking it too well...

Oh, and I finished Harry Potter, so feel free to message your comments if you want to discuss it. ;)

* * *

Chapter 21. About Last Night… 

They collapsed into each other's arms when they had nothing left to give, exhausted but elated as they lay together in the darkness. Once he recovered his breath, Jack rolled them over so that Kate was on top, cradled against his chest, drawing the blanket around her as he tightened his arms across her back, and it was like that that she woke hours later.

The sun was beginning to filter through the trees, temporarily blinding her where the light hit her eyes. They'd been away from the campsite much longer than she'd intended; someone was likely to come looking for them anytime now, and she didn't want that someone to be Kevin.

Ana, though, she wouldn't've minded, she decided with a wry smile. It was about time she realised that Jack was off limits.

When she glanced up at him, his brow was furrowed adorably in his sleep, as though he was still worrying and planning, even now; overcome with affection for him, Kate lifted her head to kiss it gently, causing him to stir beneath her.

"Morning," he said sleepily when he opened his eyes to see her face suspended inches above his, pressing a soft, chaste kiss to her lips.

"Morning," she agreed, returning his kiss with a little more enthusiasm from him than she'd planned, before moving to slide off of him, but he pulled her back, locking his arms around her waist.

"How are you?" he asked, his dark eyes studying hers intently, seemingly afraid that she was beginning to regret the steps they'd taken in their relationship the night before; she relaxed back into him to reassure him, grinning as she replied, "Too tired to spend another day hiking, thanks to you."

Apparently relieved that she wasn't mad, or desperate to avoid him, he dropped his head back against the ground, laughing softly as he ran a hand over his hair. "I could carry you if you want."

"I'm sure the others'd love that," she agreed.

_Especially Kevin_, she added silently, slipping out from underneath his other arm, and the blanket, as she fumbled for her clothes, scattered to the four winds during the night.

"What're you doing?" he asked, a note of hurt in his voice, as he propped up himself on his elbows, watching her replace her underwear, and zip herself back into her jeans.

"Looking for my shirt," she explained, avoiding his eyes as she pretended not to understand his question, not wanting to see the disappointment lingering there. "Have you seen it?"

"It's over there," he said, sitting up with the blanket around his waist, pointing to the spot where the garment lay crumpled on the ground.

"Great. Thanks." Shaking it, picking off the worst of the leaves, she tugged it on over her bra, retrieving her backpack from beside the log, but before she could leave the clearing, Jack stood, catching her wrist, anchoring her to him.

"I think we should talk about this, about last night," he said, pushing her down, gently but firmly, to sit on the log before going after his own clothes.

"And we will, but everyone'll be up back at the campsite by now," she protested, freezing, feeling the guilt written across her expression when he let out an exasperated sigh.

"You mean _Kevin_'ll be up by now," he corrected her as he buttoned his jeans, his tone taking on an unmistakable hint of jealousy, his fingers finding the bruise on his jaw as he added, "I thought the point of telling him was that we wouldn't have to keep sneaking around."

"And what happened when we told him?" she countered, standing up, seizing on this as inspiration, determined as she was to avoid any more scenes like the one on the beach. "He almost broke your jaw. What d'you think he's gonna do when he realises we're actually sleeping together now?"

"He's not gonna do _anything_, Kate," he argued stubbornly as he slipped on his own t-shirt, sighing again, this time in frustration. "Sooner or later he's gonna have to get over the fact that we're together, and you're not doing him any favours by shielding him from it."

"I know," she agreed, walking over to him, hating the fact that they were fighting, especially over Kevin. "I know, but I've put him through so much – I don't want to hurt him again by flaunting how happy I am in his face."

"You're happy?" he repeated with a tiny, hopeful, smile when she stopped in front of him, too stunned to remember that he was supposed to be mad at her.

"Yes," she agreed, taking his face in her hands, punctuating each word with a soft kiss on the lips, "Ridiculously… deliriously… happy." She draped her arms loosely around his neck when he slid his around her waist. "I don't regret this, _any_ of this, especially not last night, but we're all here for God knows how long – I just don't want to rock the boat any more than we have to."

Meeting his eyes, bringing her lips enticingly close to his, so that she could feel the heat of his breath against them, she added, "Just give me some time to figure out how to act around him, okay? This is all new to me."

"Okay," he agreed, sneaking another quick kiss before resting his forehead against hers, reassured that she wasn't backing out on the promises they'd made. "So long as he knows that you're mine."

If Kevin didn't know this already, Kate was pretty sure that he did after watching them emerge from the jungle together a while later. She tried to drop Jack's hand when she saw that he'd seen them, but he clutched hers tighter, determined to make his point as they took their place at the head of the assembling group.

Glancing back over her shoulder at Kevin, she couldn't tell what he was thinking; he stared at her for a long moment before turning away, his jaw clenched while the rest of his face remained impassive.

She knew it wasn't a good idea to approach him; not only would it give him false hope, but it was the surest way she could think of to get into another fight with Jack, so she decided to seek out Libby instead.

"I slept with Jack, last night in the jungle," she confessed when she found her crouching by a stream during one of their breaks, alone, splashing water over her face to cool off.

The other woman's lips quirked in amusement, her eyebrows lifting on her forehead as she glanced up at Kate. "Jungle sex… that's kind of kinky," she quipped.

Standing up, she turned to Kate with an open, interested look, settling on one of the rocks on the bank like a psychoanalyst on a couch, waiting for her to continue.

"It wasn't," Kate told her, dropping down onto a rock across from her when she realised that she had her full attention. "It was…" unsure of the best word to describe how she felt, she explained, "He laid a blanket out for me, and asked if I was really sure…"

"And were you?" Libby checked, her voice etched with concern as drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. "Because less than forty-eight hours ago you were asking me if I thought it was too soon."

"I know," Kate agreed, feeling suddenly self-conscious, afraid that she was taking advantage of her by over-sharing, "but last night he told me he wanted us to be together whether or not we get rescued, and it just felt… right. Like sealing the deal, I guess."

Kate figured that Libby's work as a counsellor had desensitised her to awkward conversations, because she didn't seem at all uncomfortable as she stared out across the stream, deep in thought. "Sounds like you knew what you were doing, so I'm guessing you don't so much regret it as feel guilty about Kevin," she said after a moment, meeting Kate's eyes again with a kind smile. "Am I warm?"

"You're warm – hot, actually, although I'm not sure either of them would appreciate me saying that," Kate joked feebly, and they both laughed.

"I guess I just need to know that he's gonna be okay," she explained, her grin fading, when they sobered up again, "and since you talked to him yesterday, I thought…"

"You want to know what I said to him, and how he took it," Libby finished for her, and Kate nodded. It was easier to talk to her about this than to try to explain it to Jack; she knew that Libby, at least, wouldn't judge her, or take her guilt as anything other than a natural reaction to the end of her marriage.

"I told him exactly what you told me – that you really cared about Jack, that you felt like your relationship was beyond repair, and that you needed a fresh start, without all the lies, that it was hard for you, closing that door, but that you thought it was the best thing for both of you…

"He didn't like it – he tried to argue with me – but I think he understands where you're coming from a little better now. He hasn't tried to punch Jack again at any rate," she added with a wry smile, and Kate smiled too.

"You're a good friend, and a kick ass counsellor," she told her, pushing herself to her feet and offering a hand to help her up when she caught sight of Jack and Ana rounding up the group. "One of these days, I'm gonna have to think of a way to repay you."

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Next chapter(s): They reach base camp, and catch up Charlie and Sayid... ;) 


	22. Chapter 22

Thanks for the reviews. Glad you all liked Libby (who, incidentally, is me – most of what she says is what I would say!), and possessive Jack! You'll be pleased to know that it's only gonna get worse as their feelings become more intense…

I was going to end the story somewhere around here (after all the secrets and lies have been revealed), and start work on one of the myriad of new fics I have in mind, but I'm enjoying it too much to let it go, so I've come up with some new ideas, most of which will take a while to develop… ;)

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Chapter 22. Back On The Beach 

It was almost dusk when the fuselage came into view, like a lighthouse guiding them home. Seeing it sprawled across the beach, dwarfing the campsite, like the carcass of a wounded beast, Kate was seized by a momentary burst of panic, until she spotted the tiny figure of Sayid talking to the bald man Jack had previously identified as Locke. Whatever the outcome of his mission to the cockpit, they were all still there; they hadn't been picked up by a rescue boat during her and Jack's absence.

All around her people were laughing and shouting with joy, shaking hands and hugging each other, glad for this small skerrick of hope; even Ana was smiling as Jack slipped his hand into Kate's, squeezing it and grinning as if to say "We did it".

Their strength renewed after four long days of trekking around the coast, no one complained or asked to take a break as they crossed the last mile separating them from the main camp, increasing the pace in their eagerness to get there.

Claire saw them first from her post by the water, tossing her diary aside, and easing herself into a standing position to call out to Sayid and the others:

"They're back!"

At her words, the Iraqi looked up, a stunned smile crossing his face as his eyes travelled from Jack and Kate at the front of the group, to the twenty or so others trailing behind them.

Hearing Claire shout, Charlie came barrelling down from the tree line to stand beside her, high-fiveing a large, longhaired man who was hovering nearby. Behind them, Kate could see Sun and her husband, a blonde girl in a bikini, and dozens of others she didn't know; even the southern scavenger had emerged from the jungle to see what the commotion was about.

When the two groups met, the tail survivors stopped, Jack and Sayid meeting in the space between them like generals discussing the terms of a war. Pausing a few steps behind them with Ana, Kate watched as Sayid held out his hand and they shook, the Iraqi looking suitably impressed.

"Congratulations, Jack," he said, smiling as he added, "I thought you were being naïve when you said you wanted to look for other survivors. Fortunately, I was wrong."

Turning to Kate, he acknowledged her with a genteel nod of the head, causing her to grin back. "I'm glad to see that you and Kate both made it back safely."

"I'm glad to see you're all right too, man," Jack agreed with a broad smile as he turned, walking up the beach to the campsite with Sayid, gesturing for the others to follow. "As soon as everyone's settled in, I wanna know all about what happened with you and Charlie at the cockpit."

"Of course," Sayid agreed with another nod, looking slightly annoyed when Charlie scurried after them, seeming to relish the chance to play again with the big boys.

The sun had set by the time the Tailies had recovered their luggage and established temporary shelters at the top of the beach. This led to two awkward moments for Kate, the first when she was forced to show Kevin where she'd stashed his suitcase, watching with a sickening pang of guilt as, while checking to make sure that everything was there, his eyes fell upon the envelope of pictures that had meant so much to her a week before. Still conscious of her presence, he'd buried it carelessly under a pile of shirts, but later, when he thought he was alone, she caught him staring at them with such longing that it made her heart ache.

The second of these moments occurred when it came time for her and Jack to set up shelters of their own, and she realised that she had no idea what he expected from her now that their relationship had turned physical. Did he want to sleep with her every night until rescue came? Or was he content for them to maintain separate beds, like separate apartments, until they got to know each other better?

She was relieved when, in the end, he didn't object to her setting up a tent of her own, close enough to his that they could visit each other during the night, if they wanted, without disturbing any of the others. Even though Kevin, Libby, and most of the Tailies now knew that she and Jack were a couple, she wasn't sure that she was ready for the rest of the camp to find out, not when she'd made such a big deal about finding her husband.

* * *

The sky was dark; the first stars twinkling on the horizon by the time Jack finished doing his job as ambassador, crouching beside Kate where she was sitting alone in the sand, enjoying the rare moment of peace, the freedom of not having to worry about anyone's feelings but her own.

"I'm going to talk to Sayid now, if you wanna come," he said, offering her a hand to help her up. "Just so you know, though, Ana's coming too," he added hastily as she accepted his arm, brushing the sand from the back of her jeans.

She knew she had no right to be jealous, not after everything she'd put him through with Kevin, but the irritation that flooded through her at these words wasn't rational. "Maybe I should just stay here, then," she told him, unaware, until she actually said it, of how juvenile she must sound. She was tired of Ana following him around, of her forcing her way into his confidence, and assuming the position that should, by all rights, be hers. She was the one sleeping with him after all.

"I know you two got off on the wrong foot," Jack said, looking taken aback by her sudden coldness, "but she's not that bad once you get to know her. I think you'd like her if you gave her a chance."

He didn't seem to realise how close he was to pushing it, how defending Ana was only liable to make things worse.

"I'd like her if she wasn't in your ear all the time," Kate insisted, angered by his refusal to see things from her side. It was okay for him to spend excessive amounts of time with Ana, but she couldn't so much as think about Kevin without incurring his wrath. "When was the last time you made a decision without checking with her first?"

"It's just shop talk," he said, running his fingers uncomfortably through his hair, seemingly bewildered as to what they were really fighting about. "The only reason I've ever asked her advice is because she's a cop."

"Kevin's a cop – why don't you ask him?" she pressed, half because she wanted to see him included, and half because she knew it would get Jack to engage.

"Because – to use his words – I'm screwing his wife," he retorted, his own temper flaring. "That's generally not the best way to earn someone's respect."

Kate felt a pang of remorse, hearing how ashamed he was at himself for encouraging her to leave her husband, when it wasn't all that different to what had happened to him. "I just – I can't help it if I feel a little cheated," she confessed, softening towards him. "We're sleeping together – if you need someone to talk to, it should be me."

"I can't exactly exclude her from the meeting," he said, his own anger fading to embarrassment as he gave her an apologetic look, "But I want you to know that I value your opinion just as much as hers – more," he added with a roguish grin, shamelessly trying to win back her favour.

"Good answer," she told him, sliding her arms around his neck, brushing her nose against his before letting him off the hook with a long, lingering kiss.

"I know," he agreed, surveying her with affection when they came up for air, his arm finding its way around her waist as they headed over to the signal fire, to where Sayid and the others were waiting.

* * *

Next chapter: Sayid and Charlie fill Jack, Kate and (I know, boo!) Ana in on what's been happening back at base camp… ;) 


	23. Chapter 23

Thanks for the reviews, although four out of 140?! Don't make me beg -- it demeans us all!

I know Kevin asked for an annulment, but if you remember, he apologised for being so harsh afterwards, and implied that he wasn't entirely sure he meant it. Regardless of his feelings for Kate, he still loves "Monica"... :)

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Chapter 23. Power Struggles 

To Kate's relief, Jack dropped his arm once they approached the circle, waiting until she was seated on a piece of wreckage before joining her. As much as she enjoyed sharing that physical closeness with him, she was afraid of what the other survivors would think of her when, unaware of her fugitive status, they drew the conclusion that she'd left her husband for him. It was none of their business, but even so, she hated the idea of being stigmatised like that.

Sayid was feeding dry branches into the signal fire, but he stopped when he saw that Jack had arrived, taking his own seat across from them, adjacent to Ana and Charlie. Retrieving a small, towel-wrapped bundle from the ground near where he'd been standing, he passed it to Jack, waiting until he pulled out what appeared to be a complicated walkie-talkie to explain:

"We found the transceiver in the cockpit just like you seemed to think we would. I was able to replace some of the parts, but when a group of us took it into the mountains to try to boost the signal, we encountered a problem."

He gave Jack a meaningful look, glancing between Kate and Ana, as if unsure that he should go on, until Jack nodded, gesturing for him to continue as he handed back the transceiver.

"The signal was jammed by another transmission – one made by a French woman over sixteen years ago," he finished, and Kate saw Jack's eyes widen as they both began to question why no one had ever thought to turn it off.

"You couldn't unblock it?" Jack checked, looking hopeful.

"Not without identifying the source," Sayid explained, and Kate felt her heart sink into the pit of her stomach when she realised that the reason they were all still there was because he hadn't been able to send out a distress call. "There must be a radio tower somewhere on this island, but without a map..."

Jack nodded, staring into the fire as he considered the implications of these words. "There's still a chance we could get rescued," he said finally, unwilling to give up on the idea just yet, but before he could start talking about search grids, and black boxes, Charlie piped up:

"No one knows where we are! The pilot said we were a thousand miles off course when we crashed!"

Looking to Sayid for confirmation of this, Jack opened his mouth to speak, but Kate got there first. "You found the pilot?" she asked, her heart sinking a little more when she saw, by Sayid's nod, that this wasn't another one of volatile Charlie's outbursts. "Where is he?" Glancing up towards the tree line, she scanned the beach for a man in the familiar blue uniform, wondering why no one had invited him into the discussion.

"He's dead," Sayid told them, matter of fact, his expression hardly changing from the neutral one he'd worn while discussing the transceiver.

"How?" Ana asked, all eyes turning on her, as if everyone had forgotten that she was there.

To Kate's left, Charlie shuddered.

"Sayid, this is Ana Lucia Cortez, of the L.A.P.D," Jack explained when Sayid surveyed her with a mixture of mild curiosity and amusement. "She's been taking care of the tail survivors." Once he'd finished making his introduction, he settled back with a sidelong look at Kate, as if unsure of how she would react. She didn't like the admiration in his tone, but she gave him a tiny smile to show him that she wasn't upset, at least not while they were all in a group situation.

"_Formerly_ of the L.A.P.D," Ana corrected him with a sardonic smile, meeting the Iraqi's eyes with the same challenging look. "And you are?"

"Sayid Jarrah. I was in the Republican Guard," he told her baldly, and her smile faltered, no longer looking so smug when she realised that she wasn't faced with another doctor or dentist.

"So what happened to the pilot?" Kate pressed, eager to get back to subject at hand once she recovered from her amusement at seeing Ana taken down a few pegs. With any luck, Jack would no longer need her tactical advice now that Sayid was back in the picture.

"He got eaten, by that _thing_," Charlie explained, his eyes wide with fear, giving off the illusion of an overgrown child.

Ana scoffed at these words, but Kate felt her stomach tighten as she glanced over at Jack, seeing that he was thinking the same thing.

"We heard it, in the jungle," she told Charlie, her eyes travelling from him to Sayid. "Did you see what it looked like?"

Both men shook their heads.

"It took the pilot straight out of the cockpit," Sayid said, apprehensive, but not as spooked as Charlie, not seeming to share his conviction that it was a monster. "We found his body in a tree, crushed, as if by a machine."

Remembering how close she and Jack had come to being its next victims, Kate shivered, feeling suddenly cold, relaxing when Jack put a reassuring hand on her back.

"While it's great that you all still believe in the bogeyman, we've got bigger problems that that," Ana said, cutting into the tension with characteristic sarcasm.

"And what problems are those?" Sayid asked, his contempt for her clear.

"_Them_ – the other people on this island," she told him, as if this somehow explained everything. When he stared back at her, confused, she added, "Our first night on the island, we were attacked. Two of our people were dragged into the jungle. They never came out."

She glanced over at Kate with what might have been an apologetic look, though she still didn't seem all that remorseful about tackling a wanted criminal, or holding her at knifepoint. "When we heard you out in the jungle, we thought you were them – coming back."

Listening to Ana's story, Kate remembered hearing Kevin say something similar by the stream, something about trouble with the natives, but when she turned to Jack, he didn't seem surprised, as if he'd known what Ana was going to say for a while.

That must be what they were talking, she realised, though she wasn't sure if this made her feel better or worse about the time he'd been spending with Ana. She couldn't help wishing that he'd trusted her enough to let her in on what was happening, especially after the guilt trip he'd given her about honesty.

"I think we should set up a watch as a precaution, rotating in three hour blocks," Sayid said to Jack when Ana had finished with her explanation, and Jack nodded. "I'll take the first shift."

"I'll take the second," Ana announced, looking miffed that she'd been forced out of her position, both as leader of her own group, and Jack's second-in-command.

Sayid surveyed her slight frame critically, but didn't comment as Jack agreed without hesitation.

Not wanting to be outdone, Kate volunteered to go next, but Jack overruled her. "I'll take the last three hours," he told Sayid, his tone firm, making it clear that he wasn't going to enter into a discussion.

But as sweet as it was that Jack wanted to protect her (and she hoped that that was all that it was), Kate wasn't going to let him win, at least not in the way that he would've preferred. "I'm helping, Jack – if you won't give me my own shift, you're just gonna have to put up with me sharing yours," she told him, crossing her arms, giving him a defiant look that reminded him that while he might be their leader, she, at least, had a different kind of power.

* * *

Boring exposition chapter, I know, but I had to get it out of the way. I decided to leave most stuff the same, since the only real difference is that Jack and Kate went to look for the Tailies instead of the cockpit. 

Next chapter: Keeping a "vigilant" eye out for the Others... ;)


	24. Chapter 24

Thanks for the reviews. Alerts are down again -- I really hate that.

Sayid and Ana -- that's an interesting idea, given that the circumstances of their meeting are different here, but I was actually thinking of giving her chemistry with a certain snarky southerner, since I always regretted that the writers killed her off so soon...

* * *

Chapter 24. We Can Do This

Once the schedule for the first night's watch had been determined, the gathering broke up, Jack, Kate, Ana and Charlie heading back towards the campsite while Sayid behind stayed to stoke the signal fire. Ana disappeared first, to where she'd pitched her tent away from the others, Charlie hanging back, turning to Kate with a tentative look as he paused halfway between her and Claire.

"Hey, Kate – did you find your husband?"

"Yeah," she agreed, unsure of what else to say. It was sweet of him to ask; he obviously still felt bad about the insensitive comments he'd made the day they'd met.

He seemed to be waiting for something; scanning the beach for Kevin's familiar figure, she wondered if she should point him out, when that was likely to lead to more questions, like why she was still spending so much time with Jack.

Following her eyes to the campfire where Kevin was sitting with Libby, looking happy for the first time in days, he let out a barely audible, "Oh", offering her a strained smile before scurrying over to Claire.

Jack, on the other hand, was more interested in Kate, searching her face for some sign of jealousy; anything that would confirm his fears about her still having strong feelings for Kevin.

She couldn't deny the fact that it made her uncomfortable to see him enjoying himself with another woman, even if that woman was only Libby, but she didn't want Jack to know that, not when he was already so insecure, so she slipped her hand into his, leading him away to the fire closest to their tents.

"Feels good to just sit and do nothing," he said, kicking off his shoes and relaxing as people began to pass around platters of meat from a boar Locke had killed that afternoon.

"It does, doesn't it?" she agreed, doing her best to shut out the sound of Kevin's deep chuckle as she pulled off her own boots, inspecting the blisters on the soles of her feet.

"I should have some antiseptic in with the rest of the medical supplies," Jack said, eyeing her sympathetically, as she winced, setting them back down in the sand. "I can take a look for you after dinner if you want."

He was being serious, but she couldn't resist teasing him by asking, "So you wanna play doctor with me?" succeeding in making him blush when she followed this up with a suggestive wiggle of her eyebrows.

"I am a member of the medical profession, Kate," he reminded her mock innocently, pretending not to understand her, but he was grinning, clearly unopposed to the idea of spending another night like the one they'd just shared.

The two groups remained separate during the meal, and for the hours they spent lounging by the campfires afterwards, the Tailies clustered together like the freshmen in high school. On the other side of the campsite, Kevin and Libby carried on their conversation, chatting like old friends, while Ana sat alone, until a man whose name, Kate thought, was Goodwin, dropped down into the sand beside her.

Since they had to be up early for their shift, they went back to Jack's tent as soon as the group began to disperse, but it was a long time before either of them felt like trying to sleep, enjoying the first semblance of privacy they'd shared since they'd gotten together. After taking their time, exploring each other more fully than they had the night before, Kate curled against Jack under the blanket with her cheek on his chest, her arms wrapped securely around his torso while his moved to stroke her hair, until, contented, they both began to drift off.

The next thing she knew, he had bumped her awake while trying to shift her off of him, still apparently determined to assume his post alone. "What time is it?" she murmured, cracking her eyes open only slightly, wondering if it could really be time to change shifts when it was still so dark outside.

"It's still early," he told her, pressing a soft, sweet kiss to her forehead as he set her back down on the bed of airplane seats without him. "You should go back to sleep."

It was a tempting suggestion, given how tired she was, but since there was little chance of getting him to do the same, she counted to five before hoisting herself up into a sitting position, more determined than ever to go with him now that he'd tried to stop her.

He didn't look happy as she slipped back into her clothes and followed him out of the tent, but he seemed to realise that there was nothing he could do to convince her to stay behind, because he didn't say anything as he led her to the edge of the jungle where Ana was waiting for them to take over.

"You should take this," she said, handing her crude, makeshift spear over to Jack as she stood and brushed the dirt off the back of her jeans. Glancing over at Kate, surveying her with obvious mistrust, she added, "Sorry, but I only got one."

"That's okay," Kate told her coolly, producing the knife Jack had given her before they started their trek. "I brought my own."

She was pleased when the other woman looked taken aback, disappearing among the tents without another word.

When Jack raised an eyebrow at her, giving her a dubious look, she added, shrugging, "She started it," and he cracked a smile, kissing the top of her head affectionately as he pulled her down to sit against him.

"She might've started it," he told her, wrapping his arms around her while she responded by tucking her head under his chin, "but I'm not sure you should bait her like that – not unless you want her to rat you out when we get home, before we can even find you a lawyer."

"_If_ we get home," she corrected him, wondering how he could still sound so optimistic after everything Sayid and Charlie had told them.

"_When _we get home," he repeated, kissing the top of her head again, then her temple, then the side of her cheek, until his lips were brushing hers.

Turning in his arms, she tried to deepen the kiss, her hands moving up to cradle his jaw, but while he continued to go through the motions with her, she could tell that his mind was no longer there with her.

"What?" she asked, pulling back when, after sliding her hands down to his chest, pushing him back against the tree he was leaning against, she failed to elicit a more enthusiastic response. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No, it's okay," he agreed, but, unsatisfied with this answer, she drew back her hands, folding them across her lap as she moved to sit cross-legged beside him.

"Okay isn't really what I was going for."

She tried to keep the hurt out of her voice, but he must have heard it anyway, stroking the back of her palm with his thumb as he took her hand gently in his. "I'm sorry, I just can't stop thinking about what Sayid said – about the radio tower," he explained.

"You want to find it," she said, more as a statement of fact than a question once she realised why it was occupying so many of his thoughts.

"No, it's too dangerous," he argued, shaking his head, as he seemed to remember the hidden perils lurking in the jungle, but he didn't sound convinced.

"It could get us rescued," she pointed out, playing devil's advocate, encouraging him not to dismiss the idea outright. "Doesn't that mean it's worth the risk?"

He offered her a grateful smile, but when he spoke again, his tone was defeated. "We don't even know where to look."

"We didn't know where to look for the tail, either," she reminded him, "but we found them, just like you said we would. We can do this," she added with what she hoped passed for a reassuring smile, in spite of her doubts, squeezing back, when he still looked unsure. "I know we can."

"You're right," he agreed, pulling her back into her arms so that she was resting against him again. "We'll have to talk to Sayid in the morning, but I think we can do this – we have to."

* * *

Next chapter(s): A new mission, and I might finally get around to working in Rousseau... ;) 


	25. Chapter 25

Thanks for the reviews. I know it's a little soon for the radio tower, but as I said, I'm not being literal. I honestly don't know why they didn't go looking for it sooner – it seems like the logical reaction to discovering the frequency is blocked to me. It doesn't matter anyway, though, since we all know that without a trip to the Looking Glass, the mission is a bust.

On a different note, there might be a Kevin and Libby avenue to be explored (I should thank Lostbeth for putting the idea in my head, and Shavanda for helping me come up with a ship name -- "Kibby"!), and an Ana and Sawyer one… ;)

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Chapter 25. Big And Small Gestures

"Absolutely not," Sayid said, echoing Jack's words, when they took the idea to him the following morning. "You saw what's out there."

"We didn't _see_ anything," Kate felt compelled to remind him, for argument's sake, but Jack interrupted her.

"We're out of options," he said, looking exasperated as he ran a hand over his hair, his eyes drifting seaward, as if checking for signs of life; signs that they hadn't been forgotten. "No one's coming for us – isn't that what the pilot said?"

"The pilot said we were off course," Sayid corrected him with a deep frown, clearly unimpressed by Charlie's phrasing. "The coastguard might still—"

"No," Jack broke in firmly, shaking his head. "We're done sitting here waiting for rescue. It's time we tried something else."

"Even if what you're suggesting wasn't a suicide mission, we have no idea which direction the signal is coming from," Sayid argued, his own temper rising as they shot down each of his points. "The radio tower could be anywhere – it might not even be on this island."

It was an unsettling notion: that they might never be able to locate the tower, or unblock the French woman's transmission, but Kate dismissed it before it had even finished forming in her mind, refusing to admit defeat.

"You said the same thing about that tail and we found it," Jack reminded him, his thoughts seeming to travel along the same route as Kate's, arriving at a similar conclusion. They couldn't give up yet.

"By blind luck, according to the story you told us last night," Sayid rebuked, but Jack folded his arms his arms as he shot back,

"Who says we won't be that lucky again?"

"Who says we will?" The Iraqi raised a challenging eyebrow as his own hands came to settle on his sides.

Tired of watching their verbal sparring match, Kate decided to try a different approach. "You said you picked up the transmission from up in the mountains," she checked, cutting into their argument; glancing over at her, Sayid nodded, curious.

"That's right."

Jack was giving her a similar interested look, so she went on, "So why don't we start there? The signal should get clearer as we get closer, right? Like a radio broadcast?"

"Right," Sayid agreed again, his frown deepening.

"So we might be able to use that to figure out where it's coming from," she finished, fixing him with an expectant look.

Both men were watching her thoughtfully as she finished speaking, nodding slowly in agreement, the corners of Jack's mouth quirking into a smile while Sayid continued to look apprehensive.

"So what're we waiting for?" she pressed when neither of them spoke, pleased at the prospect of having something constructive to do, something that would enable her to keep moving.

"It's an excellent suggestion, Kate," the Iraqi said gently, diplomatically, her heart sinking at the "but" she could hear coming, "but there's no guarantee that once we're up on the mountain, we'll be able to get a lead on the signal. We could be risking our lives for nothing."

"There's no guarantee that _thing_ will stay in the jungle, or that the people Ana Lucia warned us about won't come back," she argued, growing defensive of her idea as she looked to Jack for support, "so who says we're any safer out here? If we stay here, we're sitting ducks for whatever else is out there." She shuddered as the roar of the monster resounded inside her head, loathe to go back into the jungle unless it meant escaping it for good.

"I think it's worth a shot," Jack agreed when she closed her mouth again, and she gave him a grateful smile. "Anything's worth a shot if it'll get us off this island," he added hastily to Sayid, but the Iraqi didn't look convinced.

"If you insist on continuing with this madness, I'm coming with you," he said, the hint of menace in his tone making it clear that he wouldn't take no for an answer.

Seeming to recognise this, Jack nodded. "Get the transceiver and whatever else you think we'll need, and we'll meet back here in half an hour," he agreed with a slightly apologetic look at Kate as they broke from the Iraqi, heading in the direction of his tent.

Once he'd closed the flap behind them, and they were alone, his demeanour changed; he caught her around the waist, pulling her flush against him, and drawing her into a passionate kiss.

Grinning against his lips, she didn't discourage him, waiting until he pulled back to ask, "What was that for?", giddy, but confused by the spontaneity of his actions.

"Because you're a genius," he said, his arms still tight around her, "a beautiful, sexy genius. I just couldn't help myself."

"Suck up," she breathed when he moved in again, knowing that he felt guilty for agreeing to bring Sayid on the trek, but she didn't object when he kissed her again, ducking his head to trail his lips across her throat.

"_Jack_," she gasped when she felt his hands slide up under the back of her shirt, shifting them back around to her hips.

"What? We've got half an hour," he murmured, letting go of her just long enough to check his watch. "Twenty minutes now, but I can think of a lot of things we could in that time…"

Trailing off, he brought his lips down to nuzzle her throat, but she wriggled out of his grasp, trying not to laugh as she cautioned him firmly, "I love you, but I'm not gonna have sex with you with Sayid waiting outside, even if it is our last chance..."

His hands dropped awkwardly to his sides while she was speaking, and she found that he was staring at her with a mixture of fear, awe and shock.

"What?" she asked, confused by this abrupt change in his behaviour.

"You said you loved me," he pointed out, his voice tentative, as if he were afraid that at any moment, she would revoke those words.

"No I didn't," she told him, frowning, wondering how she could have said something so important without realising it.

"Yes you did," he insisted, his face falling in defeat, and she knew that she had. What she didn't know was whether the fact that it slipped out meant she meant it more, or less, than if she'd thought it through first. "But it's okay," he added hastily, seeming to sense how torn she was, "It doesn't have to be a big deal."

"It _is _a big deal," she reminded him, turning away so that he couldn't see the blush that had crept into her cheeks. "It's a huge deal. It took me months to say that to Kevin, and it was still a big deal."

Behind her, Jack was silent for a long moment. "Do you?" he asked finally, hesitantly, taking one of her shoulders in each of his hands and turning her back to face him. "Love me?"

"I think… I do," she agreed, overwhelmed, a lump forming in her throat as she tried not to burst into tears.

"I… I love you too," he choked out, kissing her again, slower, and more sweetly, this time.

When he pulled back, resting his forehead against hers, she let her eyes flutter open, staring into his until he said, taking his hands off her reluctantly, "As much as I wish we could just stay here and do this, we should get our stuff and get moving."

Shoving things hastily into his backpack, he added, as he ushered her though the flap, "We still have to find someone to take over the watch."

Stepping out of the tent, into the sunlight, they almost walked into Kevin, who appeared to have been waiting for Jack. His expression darkened with anger on seeing them together, as if he knew, or at least suspected, what they were doing, until he seemed to remember what he came for. "I'll do it," he said softly, staring at some point over their heads, and Kate wondered how much of their conversation he'd overheard. For his sake, she hoped it was only this last part.

"Sorry?" Jack asked, stopping in front of him, tensing for another confrontation.

"You need someone to keep the look out going while you're away, right?" Kevin asked, and Jack nodded, relaxing only slightly. "I'll do it," he repeated.

Apparently unsure of what to say, Jack nodded again. "Sure," he stammered when he recovered from his surprise. "Get Ana to help you."

Kevin gave them each a grim smile, more of a grimace than an outward sign of friendliness, before continuing on his way, stopping once he arrived at the spot where Ana was talking to Libby.

"Fun guy," Jack said as they moved on to Kate's tent, shaking his head in a mixture of amusement and disbelief. "I wouldn't wanna be one of Them."

* * *

Perhaps it's too soon for "I love you", but it's a pretty intense situation they're in, and oh well, it made for good fluff. I'm not sure they could find the radio tower that way either, but it makes sense to me.

Next chapter(s): Jack, Kate and Sayid head for the radio tower, and receive help from a familiar face on the way. I'm thinking Smokey might put in a repeat appearance as well… ;)


	26. Chapter 26

Thanks for the reviews. I'm glad no one thought them saying "I love you" was too unrealistic...

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Chapter 26. We Should Turn Back

"Wait up you guys!" Kate heard a voice call as she, Jack and Sayid set out along the path through the valley.

Sayid let out a barely audible sigh as they turned to see Charlie scurrying up the hill, pulling his backpack on as he ran. "What are you doing out here, Charlie?" he asked, a note of impatience in his voice when Charlie halted a few paces behind them, his hands on his knees as he recovered his breath.

"I'm coming with you," he gasped, wiping the sweat from his face with the back of his hand as he straightened. "On the trek."

"While I appreciate your enthusiasm, we already have more than enough people going as it is," Sayid said told him, his eyes flicking in Kate's direction, and she had the distinct impression that his words were aimed at her.

While neither he, nor Jack, had tried to prevent her from leaving with them, she knew that they weren't happy about bringing her along, albeit for different reasons. Jack hadn't wanted her to endanger herself by helping with the watch, and that was much safer than this; she suspected that he was only allowing her to come now because he didn't want to start another fight with her, and because he would miss her too much if he left her behind.

"I'm twenty five years old – I'm not a bloody kid!" Charlie complained, his eyes flashing with anger as he registered the implications of the Iraqi's words: that he wasn't wanted, that he would just get in the way. "I risked my life to help you get that transceiver," he added, appealing first to Jack, then Kate. "You can't tell me I can't come."

"He's right," Kate agreed, somewhat selfishly, returning Charlie's grateful smile: four was less of a crowd than three, and besides, she wouldn't've liked it if they'd tried to tell her no either.

"Okay, but you have to keep up," Jack told him seriously, and he responded with a vigorous nod. "I don't wanna be out here any longer than we have to."

"Me neither," Charlie reminded him with a shudder. "I don't fancy being that _thing_'s second course."

Kate gave him another, tiny smile, impressed by the courage he'd shown in coming after them when he'd seen what it could do; the fact that no one would have minded if he'd decided to stay back at the beach only served to make him braver in her eyes.

Sayid didn't offer any more arguments, but Kate could tell that he was annoyed at being overruled again as he walked on through the valley without speaking. The least fit of the group, Charlie lagged behind, singing quietly to himself as he moved at his own pace, while Kate slowed down until her steps fell into rhythm with Jack's, travelling so close beside him that one of her arms bumped against his. A couple of times, he caught her fingers as they brushed against his, clutching them discreetly before letting go under the guise of adjusting his backpack, or running a hand over his hair. Each time, he would catch her eye and smile at her, a gentle, reassuring smile, his eyes promising to make it up to her as soon as they could find another moment alone.

When he reached the next burst of jungle, Sayid stopped and waited for the rest of the group to catch up, his hand resting on the hilt of his knife as he listened for signs of oncoming danger.

Seeing how tense he was as they wove their way through the trees, into the increasing darkness, made Kate nervous too; she snatched hold of Jack's arm when something that turned out to be a baby boar came crashing out of the undergrowth to her left, clinging to him for much longer than she should have with both Sayid and Charlie watching them.

"It's okay," he told her softly, laying his free hand over hers and squeezing, "We're gonna be fine. Better," he added, with a grin. "We're gonna be rescued."

She gave him a watery smile in return, torn between hers doubts, and her fear that he was right, as Charlie passed them with a curious look.

"Everything okay, man?" he asked, glancing from Jack, to Kate, and back again, his eyes lingering on Jack's bicep, where their hands were still joined.

"Everything's fine," Jack agreed, letting go of her reluctantly as she took her hand back, settling it on her hip. She thought he looked slightly hurt, afraid that she was ashamed of being with him, but he seemed to understand why she wasn't ready to shout their relationship from the rooftops, because he didn't object.

"Dandy," Charlie quipped, staring at them for a few seconds longer, his mouth open, as if he wanted to say something, before moving off to catch up to Sayid.

They walked on in silence, stepping over logs and fallen branches as they made their way deeper into the jungle, the transceiver tucked safely inside its towel in Sayid's backpack.

With the thing that killed the pilot still out there, along with Ana's friends, neither he, nor Jack, seemed prepared to stop until they reached the safety of the mountains, so they pushed on through the morning, pausing just long enough to catch their breath as they refilled their water bottles.

Kate's shoulders were sore, and her legs were beginning to ache, by the time Sayid held up a hand for them to wait, but no sooner had she begun to relax when she caught the strained look on his face. "What? What is it?" she whispered, glancing over at Jack, whose expression of alarm she was sure must mirror her own, as they crept forward, crouching behind a clump of bushes with him and Charlie.

"It appears to be some kind of bunker," he told them, keeping his voice low, as he gestured to a ramshackle structure half buried in the jungle floor.

"You think it's Theirs'?" she checked, her voice rising louder than she'd intended in her fear; as she tried to keep herself from panicking again, she felt a warm, familiar hand close around hers, holding it tightly, and for once, she didn't try to break contact. Instead, she glanced over at Jack with a grateful smile, thankful for his presence, and the comfort it offered.

"Perhaps," Sayid agreed, darting to the next tree to get a better view.

Kate moved to follow, but Jack held her back, flashing her a warning look. "Stay," he mouthed.

"You too," he added to Charlie, who rewarded him with another disgruntled scowl as he sank deeper into the undergrowth.

"Yes, _Sir_," he muttered under his breath, but if Jack heard him, he didn't react.

"It's empty," Sayid told them when he rejoined the group, his brow furrowed into a deep frown, "Which is disquieting enough, but the whole place appears to have been rigged with explosives. I think we should turn back," he added seriously to Jack. "We can't take the risk that whoever built it is still out there."

Jack opened his mouth to respond, but whatever he was going to say was lost at the sound of a gun cocking behind them.

"You should have stayed on your own side of the island," a female voice with a heavy accent said, and they all turned to see a scruffy, dark-haired woman pointing a riffle at them.

* * *

Next chapter: More Rousseau and the radio tower! (I've already written it, and am about to start work on chapter 28, so that should be an incentive for you to review, especially since there will be more Jate once they get some time away from Sayid and Charlie!) ;) 


	27. Chapter 27

Thanks for the reviews. 4 out of 114, though -- I'm never gonna win, am I? I'd really like to make it to 300 this time... ;)

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Chapter 27. Danielle 

"Excuse me?" Sayid asked, looking taken aback as the woman circled them, pointing the butt of her riffle directly at his head.

"You should not have come," the woman repeated, narrowing her eyes, and Kate gripped Jack's hand tighter, rattled by the unhinged look she could see in them, as if she were liable to snap at the slightest provocation.

Beside them, she felt Charlie tense, but if Sayid was afraid, he didn't let on. "Who are you?" he asked defiantly, daring her to shoot him. "What have you done with our people?"

The woman let out a sardonic laugh, releasing the trigger enough to make even Sayid flinch and close his eyes in anticipation. "You think you can trick me into sparing you," she said, her cold, blue eyes seeming to stare right through him as she cocked her head to one side like a dog. "But I know who you are. You took my Alex."

"We didn't _take_ anyone," Charlie yelled, blanching when she took a step closer, training her gun on him instead. "We were in a plane crash. We're just trying to get home."

The woman cocked her head again, considering this, but no sooner had she begun to lower her defences than she brought them back up, her expression darkening with indignation. "I don't believe you," she said, and Kate was afraid that she was really going to kill him for his insolence. "You're one of _Them_ – the Others. You all are. You know where Alex is."

"We don't _know_ anything," Jack agreed, releasing Kate's hand, and she shot him furious look, willing him not to do anything stupid, anything that she, at least, would live to regret. "He's telling the truth. All we want is to get to the radio tower so that we can unblock the signal."

On her other side, Kate heard Sayid suck in a sharp breath; Jack was taking a pretty big risk, filling this strange woman in on their plans. If she was really one of Them, she could make sure that her people got there first, ruining any chance they had of replacing the outgoing call.

It was a risk, but a calculated one; the woman turned her gun on Jack, but her hand faltered on the trigger as she stared into him, her expression lightening with amazement. "I haven't been able to get a new message out in sixteen years," she said. "I thought it was you blocking the signal."

"You're the French woman – you made that distress call," Sayid said, voicing the realisation at the same moment that it occurred to Kate. Charlie's eyes widened in understanding, but judging by the lack of surprise on Jack's face, he'd already drawn this conclusion.

That was why he was okay with mentioning the radio tower, Kate realised. He wanted her to know that they all shared a common goal.

"Yes," the French woman agreed, lowering her riffle with a soft chuckle, half bitter, half amused. "My husband and I were scientists. Our vessel was shipwrecked on this island sixteen years ago. When I found the radio tower, I recorded that call, but no one came."

The wistful expression that had crept onto her face as she was talking about her past turned to one of contempt as she added to Jack, no longer seeming to believe that he was one of Them, "What makes you think it will be any different for you?"

"I believe it," Jack said, ignoring the dubious look Kate shot him, along with Sayid and Charlie.

But as hard as Kate found it to agree with him, she knew that he was right. He had to believe it. They all did.

"Your plane really crashed here?" the French woman checked, fixing each of them in turn with that penetrating stare, as if she were trying to see into their minds.

"Yes," Sayid agreed, and Charlie added, his colour returning, "We can show you the wreckage if you like. Half the bloody plane's back on the beach."

The French woman nodded seriously, ignoring Charlie's offer. "Then I will take you to the radio tower. You can try for yourself, although I doubt it will do you much good."

Without waiting for them to respond, she set off, her silhouette flashing through the trees almost twenty paces ahead of them by the time they were all moving again. As scary as she was, somehow, it made Kate feel safer to have her on their side, although she couldn't help wondering what had happened to her husband, and everyone else on board. Had the so-called "Others" taken him as well? Was that why she'd asked them about "Alex"? Or was there a more sinister explanation, like there was for the pilot?

The sun was beginning to set by the time they broke through the jungle, stepping out onto the open ground where the radio tower loomed.

"There," the French woman said, pointing to it before heading back into the trees without so much as a goodbye.

After sixteen years of living alone on an island, Kate noted wryly, it seemed that her conversational skills left a lot to be desired. She hadn't spoken more than two words to any of them since they'd left the bunker, and even then it was only "This way" or "Hurry".

"Wait," Jack called, and she stopped, turning back to him with an irritated, impatient look. "We don't even know your name."

She hesitated for a moment, then her expression relaxed as she gave him a tiny, grateful smile that made Kate's heart ache for her. It must have been awful for her, being so cut off from the rest of the world. Even she couldn't imagine being that alone. "It's Danielle – Danielle Rousseau."

"Thank you, Danielle," Jack said with a friendly nod, which she returned curtly before fading back into the jungle.

"Can you imagine living like that?" Kate asked him as they followed Sayid and Charlie up the hill that separated them from the radio tower. "Being alone on an island – not seeing anyone, or talking to anyone, for sixteen years? No wonder she's a little crazy."

"No," he agreed, sliding an arm around her waist, and kissing the top of her head when the others' eyes were focused on the path ahead. "Fortunately, I can't. Not anymore."

Emboldened by this renewal of his declaration, she stopped, pulling him to a stop alongside her, her hands moving up to his jaw as she met his lips in a slow, tender kiss that had to be cut short when Sayid turned around to see what was taking them so long. Jumping back guiltily, like teenagers sprung at a school dance, Jack's arms slid from around her waist as they released each other reluctantly, hurrying to catch up.

By the time they reached the top of the hill, Sayid had let himself and Charlie into the station at the bottom of the tower, and was surveying the controls.

"Think you can get it to work?" Jack asked, still flustered from the kiss, and their sprint up the hill, but doing his best to hide it.

Sayid gave them both a slightly disapproving look as he glanced from one to the other. "The system itself is basic enough, it's just unblocking the signal that may prove problematic," he said.

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Jack pressed, managing, somehow, to maintain an air of professionalism while Kate felt an embarrassed blush creep into her cheeks.

Charlie, too, had noticed, it seemed, watching the exchange with an amused grin.

"You can gather some firewood," the Iraqi agreed, turning back to the controls, seeming to prefer to work unhindered by conversation. "We're going to have to make camp here for the night."

* * *

Next chapter: Sayid delivers the verdict on the radio tower and they make camp... ;) 


	28. Chapter 28

Thanks for the reviews. They are acting a little like teenagers, but I wanted to keep their relationship alive while they're on the mission, since for me, and a lot of you too, it seems, that's most interesting part... ;)

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Chapter 28. The Radio Tower 

Charlie had been leaning back beside Sayid, resting his elbows on the console, but he pushed himself into a standing position at the Iraqi's suggestion, apparently intending to go with them.

"It's okay – we got it," Jack told him with an apologetic look when he followed them out into the field, and Kate couldn't help feeling guilty at how cliquey their behaviour must seem. "Someone should stay here with Sayid, in case he needs help."

She expected Charlie to lose his temper at what she was sure he would take as another hint that he was superfluous, but he broke into an impish grin, raising an eyebrow at them. "Oh, I see. Hoping for a little alone time, were we?" he asked knowingly, and Kate stared at the ground as she felt her cheeks turn a brighter shade of pink.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jack responded innocently, putting on his best poker face. He managed to look and sound pretty convincing; she supposed it came from being a doctor, having uncomfortable, embarrassing even, conversations with strangers on an almost daily basis.

But as good as his acting was, it wasn't good enough. "You're kidding, right?" Charlie asked incredulously. "You two are like Romeo and Juliet without the bloody poison. Don't think I haven't noticed the looks you've been giving each other over the bamboo," he added with a theatrical scowl, though his eyes were still twinkling with merriment. "Frankly, I find it all a bit sickening."

"We're just going to get firewood like Sayid asked," Jack insisted, trying to look exasperated, but he was laughing as he slipped his hand into Kate's.

"If you're not back in an hour, I'll just look for a balcony, shall I?" Charlie called over his shoulder as he headed back towards the radio tower, closing the door behind him.

"You realise half the camp's gonna know as soon as we get back," Kate said as they started down the hill, towards the jungle.

"Would that be so bad?" Jack pressed, eyeing her with a sidelong glance as he tried to read her expression.

"I don't know," she told him honestly, unsure of how she felt when it came to telling people about their relationship. While she hated having to hide, she found herself welcoming the secrecy, because it meant that she could be with Jack without hurting Kevin any more than she already had.

"I guess not," she agreed with a watery smile after pausing for longer than she'd intended, knowing that it was what he wanted to hear, even if she wasn't sure that she really meant it. She didn't want him to think that she was ashamed of him, because that wasn't it. She was ashamed of herself, if anything: ashamed that he actions made her look fickle.

It took them most of the hour to gather enough wood for even a basic fire, because now that they were alone, they couldn't seem to keep their hands off one another long enough to finish the job.

As hard as Kate tried to focus on the task at hand, she was invariably distracted by Jack sneaking up behind her, catching her around the waist as she straightened up from picking up another branch, and before she had a chance to think about what they were supposed to be doing, whatever she'd managed to collect was on the ground, forgotten, and they had to start all over again.

Not that she was complaining.

She could easily say that gathering firewood with Jack was the most fun she'd ever had carrying out such a mundane task. She even found herself wondering what it would be like to live with him in the real world, trying to cook, or wash the dishes, or vacuum the living room with him in such an amorous mood. Kevin had had his moments, but with him, it was always so much more… restrained. With him, she hadn't felt the same desperate need to touch him, or have him touch her, whenever he was near.

They stopped fooling around when the sun was halfway below the horizon, depositing the firewood outside the radio tower before going to check on Sayid.

"I'm afraid the news isn't good," he said, running his fingers through his jet black curls as he turned to them, too distracted to realise how long they'd been gone. "It appears that Danielle was right – whatever is blocking the signal is coming from an external source.

"Someone doesn't want us to get off this island," he added, giving Jack a meaningful look; talking about the French woman's "Others", Kate was sure, "And they're going to great lengths to make sure that we don't."

"So what do we do now?" Jack asked, his expression contorting into a look of almost physical pain, all trace of his earlier playfulness gone. For once, Kate thought he looked his age as he stared at the console, grappling with the urge to put his fist through the controls.

"We go home," Sayid said, and no one spoke as they let the significance of this statement sink in. They were going home, just not to the place that they'd hoped

* * *

The mood was sombre that evening as they all tried to adjust to the bleak picture Sayid had painted of their future.

They had crashed off course.

They couldn't get a new signal out.

No one was coming.

For the time being, at least, they were marooned on this island, just like Rousseau.

"What're we going to tell the others?" Charlie asked as they roasted the salted boar meat they'd brought along with them on the fire, though none of them had much of an appetite.

"The truth," Jack told him, but for once, Kate couldn't agree.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" she asked, thinking of how despondent it had made them. The others deserved the truth, but at the moment, she couldn't help thinking that they needed the hope more.

"We can't lie to them," he said bitterly, poking the fire with a stick. "We can't let them sit around waiting for rescue boats that are never gonna come. We need to start figuring out what we're gonna do – how we're gonna survive."

No one suggested that they try to find the source of the jam, though Kate was pretty sure that the idea was weighing heavily on each of their minds; after trekking all the way across the island just to return empty-handed, no one seemed to have the heart.

Sayid and Charlie settled down to sleep soon after dinner, when the conversation had long since tapered off, but Jack continued to stare into the flames for a long time afterwards, brooding on their situation.

"I'm sorry," he said when, seeing that it was her turn to comfort him, Kate scooted over so that their sides were touching, burying her chin in his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"It's not your fault," she told him in earnest, lifting her eyes to meet his.

He gave her a grim smile, but didn't answer, stubbornly clenching his jaw as he tried to keep his emotions in check.

"It's not," she repeated, firmer this time, studying his face for some sign of agreement, some sign that he was prepared to let himself off the hook, but it never came.

When his body remained rigid, she lowered her lips to his shoulder, kissing the skin above his tattoo, before laying her cheek against it. "We're gonna be okay," she told him with as much confidence as she could muster, echoing his words, as she tightened her arms around him, hugging him fiercely.

"I love you," she added so softly that even if the others were awake, only he would be able to hear it, succeeding in cracking his stony exterior, bringing out a tiny smile.

"Not as much as I love you right now," he told her, his eyes bright with affection for her when he turned to her again, reigniting the kiss Sayid had interrupted that afternoon.

He pulled her closer when they broke away, his lips nestled against her hair as she replaced her head on his shoulder. They sat like that for a while, his warm breath tickling her scalp as the tension ebbed away, then, when it was time for them to sleep, she lay down beside him, letting him mould his body to hers, her hands clutching his as they circled her waist, no longer caring who saw them.

* * *

Next chapter: Jack and Sayid talk about Kate, and the walk home... ;) 

Now that they know they're not getting rescued any time soon, you have to let me know if you want me to keep going (there is more), or wrap it up and start on one of my new ideas...


	29. Chapter 29

Thanks to those of you who reviewed. Reviews are at an all time low (and I mean all time), so I thought maybe now was the time to start wraping this fic up, if people are getting bored with it. I do have a ton of ideas left, though -- too many, because there's still so much I haven't covered... ;)

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Chapter 29. The Long Walk Home

After spending the previous three nights in Jack's arms, the familiar warmth and weight of his body was noticeably absent when Kate became aware of her surroundings again.

At first, she thought he must have drifted away from her in his sleep, or moved to avoid making the others uncomfortable, but then she heard voices, low in conversation, and she realised that he and Sayid, at least, were already awake.

"Forgive my intrusion," Sayid was saying in the same mildly offended tone he'd used when telling them to gather firewood, "But I thought you said that Kate had a husband?"

Realising that it was her they were talking about, and what Sayid had presumably seen on waking, Kate kept her eyes shut as she waited to hear Jack's response. From what she could gather, Sayid thought that she and Kevin had been reunited on the other side of the island, and that the two of them were using this trek as a way to carry on some sort of secret affair.

"_Had_ a husband," Jack assured him, a hint of indignation in his tone, and Kate could imagine the strained look on his face, the one he always got when he was trying to keep his temper under control. "They're not together anymore."

"And this has nothing to do with you, I hope?" Sayid asked, and Kate could hear the disapproval in his tone.

"No, it doesn't," Jack told him tersely, even though this wasn't entirely true: while he hadn't officially broken them up, he certainly hadn't encouraged Kate to try to fix things with Kevin.

"From what she told me, they wanted different things – he wanted to settle down, have a family, and she wasn't ready," he added, and Kate was reminded of why she'd fallen for him in the first place: even in the heat of an argument, he'd managed to keep her secret, in spite of the fact that it made him look guiltier than he was.

"But you, you don't want that? To settle down?" Sayid pressed, sounding less persuaded than ever to support their relationship, which to him, Kate realised, must look pretty sordid.

The future wasn't something they'd talked much about, with the possibility of rescue looming; she found herself holding her breath as she eagerly awaited Jack's answer. She hadn't wanted that life before, not while she was still on the run, but if they really were stuck on the island indefinitely, then maybe, one day, she could still have it.

"Not any time soon," Jack agreed, and Kate couldn't help feeling disappointed by how closed off to the possibility he sounded, even if she knew where his reluctance was coming from. He said it wasn't a fling, but maybe it wasn't serious either, not like that.

Kevin had told her on their second date, before they'd even had sex, that he was going to marry her; by their sixth, when she finally gave in, this had grown to include having babies with her as well. She'd fallen into a relationship with Jack so much faster; surely he must have some idea of where he wanted it to go.

"The situation is… complicated," he confessed, and Kate could see him running his fingers nervously through his hair. "We still have a lot to figure out about before I can even think about where it's all headed."

There was a beat, as if he was debating with himself whether or not to go on, then he added, almost apologetically, "I tried settling down once, and it didn't work out. It's gonna be a while before I'm ready to make another commitment like that."

While she could understand what Jack was saying, the idea that she'd given up any chance she had of reconciling with Kevin for what might turn out to be a temporary romance still stung; afraid of what she might hear if she let the conversation go on, she cracked her eyes open, stretching as if she'd just woken up.

"Morning," Jack said, pecking her cheek lightly when she sat up, his expression guilty, as if he knew, or at least was afraid, that she'd been listening.

"Morning," she echoed, knowing that now was not the time to take it up with him, not while they still had company. "Morning Sayid. Charlie up yet?"

As soon as she glanced over at him, she saw that he wasn't; she was going to suggest they wake him so that they could get a start on the long walk back to the beach, but he started at the sound of his name, lurching into a sitting position.

"What?"

His hair was matted on one side, and he appeared to have drooled a little in his sleep; Kate couldn't help grinning how young and cute he looked in his dishevelled state, and even Sayid cracked a tiny smile.

"What?" Charlie asked again, bemused, mirroring their grins, albeit uncomfortably. "What're we all laughing at? What'd I miss?"

The earlier tension broken, at least for the time being, they polished off the rest of their supplies, packing up their belongings and extinguishing the fire before heading back into the jungle.

"You're awfully quiet," Jack said when, hours later, she still hadn't said more than two words to him, slowing until they fell back to a safe distance behind the others. "Is something wrong?"

Now that she'd had time to think about it, Kate wanted to tell him no like a reasonable person, to accept that what he'd said made sense, but as confused as she was, she couldn't help lashing out at him by saying, "If there was, would I even have to tell you? It's not like we're committed to each other or anything. For all I know, you tell all the women you sleep with you love them. I know I say it all the time."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw understanding, then regret, wash over his countenance. "You heard," he said, stiffening, as his eyes travelled to the leaves at their feet.

"Well I was there, Jack," she reminded him, her indignation increasing when he made no attempt to apologise, or even explain. "I only wish I could wake up to that every morning."

He stared at her for a long moment, his expression unreadable, before tearing his gaze away, fixing it straight ahead as he said, "I don't."

"Don't what?" she asked, taken aback, forgetting to be angry in her confusion. Was that his way of apologising? Of telling her that he was sorry she had to find out like that?

"Tell every woman I love them," he explained, his voice low with emotion as he looked back at her. "I haven't said that to anyone since Sarah, and before that… there weren't many."

Kate's heart softened towards him on hearing these words; she nodded, but before she could open her mouth to forgive him, the air was rent by a familiar sound:

MROOOOOWRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOBWWRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

The mood shattered, every muscle in her froze as it came closer, shaking the trees like some monstrous typhoon. She could hear the grinding of gears, the metallic clunk of a chain being ravelled and unravelled and then…

"Kate, come on!" she heard Jack yell, his hand tight around hers, pulling her to their left while Sayid and Charlie disappeared into the trees in the opposite direction.

"What about the others?" she yelled back over the din.

"They'll be fine – Sayid's a trained soldier," he reminded her, the words broken up by gasps as they flew over the ground at an inhuman speed, scanning the jungle for places to hide.

"Jack!" she cried fearfully when the thing that couldn't really be a monster crashed through the canopy behind them, squeezing her eyes shut in anticipation, relieved that he was going to be with her, wondering how much it was going to hurt, but he shoved her into a bamboo grove before it could reach them, holding her against him as it continued to grind past them.

Clinging to him so tightly that she thought she was going to crack one, maybe all, of his ribs, she buried her face in his neck, focusing on how strong and solid he felt until the whirring began to subside.

When he drew back to study her face, to make sure that she was okay, she wanted to cry, not just from terror and relief, but because they'd come so close to dying without her getting the chance to tell him how sorry she was.

"I'm sorry I got so angry," she choked out, still holding onto him. "It was stupid – a stupid thing to pick a fight about. Of course you love me."

"I wouldn't've been so scared just now if I didn't," he agreed seriously, kissing her. "I think I was more afraid for you than I was for myself," he added when they pulled back, holding her close, resting his forehead against hers while they waited for their heart rates to slow.

"Me too," she agreed, breathing heavily against him, feeling him struggle for his own breath, wanting to get closer, relieved that she still could.

Her legs were weak, her whole body shaking, so she let him pull her into his lap, settling against him as they listened, waiting until they were sure that it wasn't going to come back.

"What do you think happened to Charlie and Sayid?" she asked when he eased her off of him and to her feet, leading her back to the path.

He didn't let go of her right away, holding her hand as they started walking again. "I'm sure they found somewhere to hide like we did," he answered confidently, though she could see the shadow doubt in his eyes. "They're probably on their way back to the beach as we speak."

"Shouldn't we look for them?" she asked, remembering what her father said had about leaving men behind. What if they were hurt, or needed help… or worse? They deserved to be brought back.

"No," he said, squeezing her hand reassuringly, silently willing her to trust him. "That's not what Sayid would want us to do. We could end up getting lost ourselves, and we can't take that risk, not with that thing still out there. If we're lucky, we'll run into them – if not, we'll catch up with them when we get back to camp.

"They'll be fine," he repeated when this failed to elicit a more enthusiastic response from her, but all she managed was a weak "Yeah" and a watery smile in return.

With the threat to the others looming over their heads, the rest of the hike seemed unbearably long; when she and Jack finally broke through the tree line, onto the beach, she was relieved to see them standing in a huddle with Ana and Kevin, Sayid apparently having come to the same conclusion as Jack.

Aside from a tear in the knee of Charlie's jeans, and a bloody graze beneath, they both appeared unharmed, but as she got closer, she saw that their expressions were grim, Charlie fighting back tears as he surveyed the two cops with hatred.

"What's going on?" Jack asked, his hand slipping from hers, when it became clear that they were fighting, and she could hear the alarm in his tone. "What happened?"

"It's Claire," Charlie managed to choke out, and Kate felt her blood run cold. She seemed like such a sweet girl: had something happened to her and her baby? "They—They took her. She's gone."

* * *

Next chapter(s): The search for Claire, Kate finds a way to repay Libby, and something that will shake the love triangle up and create a lot of angst... ;) 


	30. Chapter 30

Thanks for the encouraging reviews. They made me feel a lot more confident about what I'm doing, which is perhaps why this is the longest chapter to date, setting up some important sub-plots. I can't take all the credit for the monster noise by the way – I adapted it from the pilot script because I thought it was cool… ;)

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Chapter 30. Burning Bridges 

"What do you mean _she's gone_?" Jack pressed, shifting his gaze from Charlie, who didn't seem to know much more than they did, to Ana, and finally, Kevin. "Did anyone actually see her get taken?"

He had that look again, the one from the radio tower; placing her hand between his shoulder blades, Kate rubbed his back distractedly, trying to soothe him, but he didn't so much as glance in her direction, his eyes locked on Kevin's.

"No," Ana spat, seeming to view this as a challenge, "But it was Them," but Jack ignored her too, apparently determined to pin the blame on Kevin, and Kevin alone.

"Jack…" Kate began, but Kevin held up a hand to silence her, staring him down with the same unforgiving look.

Great, Kate thought, and Ana rolled her eyes. Another macho pissing contest.

"We think it happened this morning," Kevin told him, remorseful, but unwilling to apologise. "She went into the jungle a couple of hours ago – she's been doing that a lot, I guess to go to the bathroom – and no one's seen her since. A guy named Ethan, and one called Goodwin, are missing too – they weren't travelling with anyone on the plane, and no one seems to know them, so we think they were moles. How else do They keep finding us?"

Sayid was nodding along in agreement, but Jack's jaw was set stubbornly in indignation. "You let her go into the jungle _alone_?" he repeated accusingly, drawing himself up to his full height.

"She may be young, but she's not a little kid," Kevin snapped, nostrils flaring, and for the first time, Kate realised that he was actually taller than Jack. "What was I supposed to do, follow her? Hold her hand while she peed? The girl deserves _some_ privacy."

"You could've sent someone else to go with her," Jack argued, and Kevin let out a harsh laugh, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I've been a cop for ten years – you don't think I thought of that? I tried the first ten or twelves times, but she was embarrassed. She didn't want to put anyone out. There're almost sixty other people on this beach – there's no way I could keep tabs on her every second of the day, not if she didn't want me to." He scowled, shaking his head again, this time with disgust. "Not everyone is as perfect as you."

Throughout this exchange, Kate had tried to keep silent, to let them work out their issues on their own, but that was it, the last straw. It had to end.

"Stop it!" she cried, startling them, and they both turned to look at her, cowed. "Claire's missing, and all you can think about is yourselves! This," she gestured angrily at both of them, and they lost their defensive postures, ashamed, "is not gonna solve anything. We need to start organising a search party."

Red-faced and out of breath, she stopped, fixing each of them with a hard look, before turning to Sayid. "You and Charlie take northeast, Jack and I'll go north, and Ana and Kevin can cover the northwest. We'll meet back here when it gets dark."

Charlie gave her a grateful smile as Sayid nodded, relieved that he wasn't being excluded from the plan, and even Ana looked impressed, offering her a feeble grimace.

"What the hell was that?" she asked when the group broke, dragging a surly-looking Jack back into the jungle as she searched the ground for tracks.

"What the hell was what?" he returned, showing a less than attractive side of himself that she wouldn't have expected from him.

"You. Kevin. The two of you acting like a pair of testosterone crazed teenagers," she reminded him, knowing that he knew full well what she was talking about.

"He's still in love with you," he pointed out, surprising her; while she knew that his issues went beyond Kevin's failure to protect Claire, these weren't the words she'd been anticipating.

"That's what this is about?" she checked, shaking her head when he didn't answer, staring straight ahead. "How many times do I have to tell you it's over before you believe me? I slept with you. I told you I loved you. What more do you want?"

"I want him to leave you alone," he told her seriously, the melodrama falling from his tone as he met her eyes, searching them for reassurance. "I want him to stop watching you with that hopeful look, like he thinks you're gonna change your mind and go back to him. I wanna know that you're not going to, because I can't go through that again – wondering if I'll ever be enough to make you happy."

"I'm not gonna leave you like Sarah," she assured him, kissing him softly, feeling like she understood his comments a little better now that she knew why he was so afraid of committing. "I don't know what's gonna happen with us, but I promise you that. I care about you too much."

"You left Kevin," he reminded her, sounding so vulnerable and sad that it broke her heart a little to hear it.

"I know," she agreed, wondering if it would be hypocritical to say that that was different, even if it was. "But he told me it was what he wanted. I had no idea it was just his anger making him say that."

He didn't push the point, but the way he turned to her with his mouth slightly open, before thinking better of it, she could tell that he wanted to ask if she'd known, would she have chosen to work things out with her husband instead, and the truth was, she didn't know.

Her relationship with Kevin was safe, solid, predictable; it might not have been the stuff fairytales were made of, but with him, she knew she could have had a comfortable life. He would have made a good husband, and an even better father, but there was no spark; at least not on her side.

She'd never been much of a romantic when it came to love; never believed in soul mates, or chemistry, not until she met Jack, and realised how making that connection was supposed to feel. It was supposed to be dangerous, intense, like falling, but at the same time, she was terrified of getting burnt. Maybe safe and comfortable really was the better option, even if it wasn't ideal.

Not that she knew how to explain any of this to Jack.

It rained before it began to get dark, the sky opening up without warning, slicking their clothes to their skin, drenching them to the bone.

"I think we should head back to the beach," Kate yelled over the downpour, but he didn't seem to hear her, focused as he was on finding Claire. "The trail's gone," she pointed out, taking hold of one of his shoulders, forcing him to look at her, noticing, for the first time, the anguish in his expression. "It has been for hours."

She thought it would help him to learn that the odds were against them even before they set out, but he shook his head stubbornly, hunching his shoulders as he waded deeper into the sodden jungle. "No. What're we gonna tell Charlie when we come back without her? That we gave up because of a little water?"

"Maybe they found her," she called after him, but the words sounded hollow, even to her.

He gave her a look that was difficult to interpret, pushing on silently in spite of the rising mud.

"Jack, this is crazy!" she protested, struggling to keep her balance as she tried not to lose him. "There's nothing we can do. We have to go back!"

"We should never've gone to the radio tower," he said, his expression one of pure misery when he turned to her again. "She was counting on me and I let her down."

"You didn't know this was gonna happen anymore than you knew They were blocking the signal," she told him gently, holding him steady as she tried to make him see reason. "You can't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong – there were sixty people in that campsite this morning and no one saw anything. What could _you_ do?"

"I could've been there," he said brokenly, his shoulders slumping as he stopped trying to fight her.

"You did the best you could," she assured him, sliding her arm around his waist as they started the walk back to the beach.

"What if it'd been you?" he argued softly, still trying to convince her that it was his fault. "Would you still think _my best_ was good enough?"

"It wasn't, but even if it was, I wouldn't blame you," she told him, with a slight shudder at the idea, letting him lean against her as they struggled back through the mud. "And I'm sure Claire doesn't either. We'll get her back," she assured him with a smile that was more confident than she felt.

He didn't look like he believed her, but he let her guide him back to the beach, and into dry clothes, once they'd met up with a similarly frustrated Ana and Kevin, Charlie and Sayid.

She changed her own t-shirt and jeans, and they sat in his tent until the rain, and his anger, began to subside, then went to join the others at the campfire, relieved not to have to go through the motions of small talk. Jack didn't seem to want to let her in on whatever else was going on inside his head, and Kate didn't have the strength to make him.

She couldn't look at Charlie, sitting alone in the dark, but she didn't know what to say to him, how to convince him that it was all going to be okay, so she decided to leave him to his thoughts. Tomorrow, she'd go to him, but for now, it was probably better to let him have his space.

When Libby perched on a piece of wreckage beside her a while later, Kate was relieved for the distraction from all the misery around her, until her friend met her eyes with an uncharacteristically timid smile. "Now's probably not the best time, with Claire and everything, but there's something I wanted to talk to you about," she said, glancing over at Kevin, where she'd left him brooding by his tent, and Kate felt her heart sink as it occurred to her that her suspicions about them might not be entirely unfounded.

"Sure," she said with forced enthusiasm, excusing herself from an almost catatonic Jack. "Shoot."

Libby gave her another nervous smile as they sat down by the water, staring out at the ocean as she began, "Remember when you said you were going to find a way to repay me for helping you with Jack?"

Kate nodded, not liking her thoughts as to where this was headed. "Yeah," she agreed.

"Well, I found one," Libby continued, and for a moment, Kate thought she was asking her to return the favour.

"You want _me_ to give _you_ advice?" she asked dubiously, wondering what she could possibly tell the psychologist that she hadn't thought of already, unless it was something specifically about Kevin, but Libby shook her head.

"Actually, I wanted your blessing," she confessed, her eyes travelling back to Kevin, and Kate felt a little queasy at the implication.

It was hypocritical, she knew, but she didn't want him to move on until she sure that she would never want to go back. The idea of him with someone else made the separation seem final, forcing her to accept the fact that they would no longer be a significant part of each others lives. She would never kiss him again, or hear him tell her he loved her, or meet the children he'd wanted so desperately to have with her. Their marriage would really be over, before they knew whether or not it could have worked.

"I really like him, Kate," Libby was saying when she tuned back in, her eyes shining with a happiness Kate had never seen her express. "He's a great guy – sweet, smart, funny. He reminds me of someone I used to know." A shadow passed over her face at these words, her expression turning wistful, and Kate guessed that she was talking about someone she'd loved, but she knew better than to ask.

"He is pretty special," she agreed, realising that she had to say something, or else Libby would know that it was bothering her, and start on her about what jealousy, if you could call it that, meant. "He deserves to be with someone like you – someone who'll take care of him," she added with a smile, albeit a weak one.

Libby didn't seem to notice, flashing her a genuine grin as she relaxed. "I'm glad you're okay with it," she said, looking relieved that this was out of the way. "I know it sounds like a cliché, but I consider you one of the few real friends I have on this island, so if you'd said it made you uncomfortable, I would've accepted it."

Now that she knew what it felt like to be Kevin, Kate was beginning to wish that she had, but she couldn't do that to them, or to Jack, not after what he'd confided in her in the jungle. This was exactly what he'd been hoping for: for Kevin to relinquish the hold he had on her and move on. "Just don't hurt him, okay?" she told her sadly, feeling like the worst kind of hypocrite, because she knew that no matter what anyone else did to him, no one would ever wound him as badly as she had.

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Next chapter(s): Jack and Kate each receive some life-altering news that will affect how they view Claire's disappearance… ;) 


	31. Chapter 31

Thanks for the reviews. When I write the teasers for upcoming chapters, I always think they're ridiculously obvious, and yet surprisingly few of you seem to guess them... ;)

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Chapter 31. Family Ties 

After saying goodnight to Libby, Kate returned to Jack's side, watching her friend wrangle a smile out of Kevin while her own attempts to distract Jack proved futile. She sat with him until most of the fires had been extinguished, giving him time to gather his thoughts, but when nothing, not even her silence, succeeded in making him more responsive, she kissed his cheek and went to lay down in her own tent.

A part of her hoped that he would cave and follow her in; that they would talk, and make love, and that afterwards, he would let her curl up beside him like he had at the radio tower, but when the light from his fire went out and he still didn't appear, she knew that he wasn't going to give her an inch.

He was gone when she woke the next morning; off scouring the jungle with Sayid, Locke and a guy Ana told her was called Boone, so she went to see Charlie instead, dropping down into the sand beside him as he stared out to sea.

"I shouldn't've begged Sayid to let me come," he said after a long moment, avoiding her eyes, as if afraid that he would see agreement and accusation there.

"Hey." Touching his shoulder to get his attention, she gave him a sad smile, trying to imagine how she'd feel if it were Jack or Kevin who'd been taken. "It's nobody's fault," she told him, repeating the words for what felt like the thousandth time, even though she knew he wouldn't believe them. "You did what you could to help her and her baby get off this island – you didn't know what was going to happen."

The crease in his brow relaxed slightly, and he let her squeeze his hand, but he didn't smile, picking a book Kate hadn't noticed up out of the sand. She recognised it immediately: it was Claire's diary, the one she'd been writing in the first time they'd met.

"I went into her tent this morning, looking for… clues, I guess… and I found this," he said, scowling as he seemed to mentally berate himself for invading her privacy. "Did you know she likes peanut butter, or that she hasn't spoken to her mum in years? Or that her boyfriend left her because he was too selfish to get a job and support her?"

"You read it?" Kate asked, incredulous, though secretly she wondered if, if was it Jack's secrets written out on those pages, she would have done the same thing.

It would make her life a lot easier, she decided, especially when he refused to tell her much himself.

"Yeah," he agreed sheepishly, tracing the cover with his index finger to avoid meeting her eyes. "Not all of it, but enough to see how little I knew her."

"You'll have plenty of time to get to know her when she gets back," she assured him with an encouraging smile; he nodded seriously, but she could see the doubt in his eyes.

"Can you put this somewhere safe?" he asked, giving the diary one last longing look before offering it her. "If I get started again, I don't think I'll be able to stop myself, and she deserves better than that."

Kate didn't know what to say, so she accepted the book, turning it over in her hands as he pushed himself to his feet. "You're sure you don't wanna hold onto it?" she checked, not sure she wanted to be responsible for something so precious to both of them; he looked like he wanted to take it back, but he nodded determinedly.

"Just take care of it, yeah?"

She watched him dust the sand from his clothes, and wander over to his tent, before getting up herself, but as she slipped the diary into the back pocket of her jeans, something must have fallen out, because she heard a voice call, "Hey! You dropped something!", turning to see Ana holding out a folded slip of paper.

It was the first time the other woman had gone out of her way to be nice to her. "Uh, thanks," she said awkwardly, reaching out to take it, but Ana retracted her hand as it flapped open and her eyes fell on the contents.

It was a newspaper clipping, old and faded; her lips pursed together in concentration as she skimmed the article, her face paling as she studied the picture that accompanied it.

"What?" Kate asked, furrowing her brow when Ana showed it to her, confused as to what a two-decade-old medical conference in Sydney had to do with either of them.

"I know that guy," Ana said slowly, pointing to one of the guest speakers. "He doesn't look like that anymore, but he hired me to come with him to Australia – private security work. Wouldn't tell me his name – said I could call him whatever I wanted."

Reading over article, Kate saw that the man's real name was Christian: Christian Shephard, and that he was, in fact, from L.A. As she processed the name of the hospital he was visiting from, a light seemed to go on inside her head: St. Sebastian's; wasn't that the same place Jack had told her he worked? She had a vague memory of him telling her that his father worked there with him.

"He was looking for his daughter," Ana continued, her eyes widening with realisation as she added, "Hey, you don't think it could be Claire, do you? Maybe she was on her way to L.A. to look for him too." She let out a humourless laugh. "Talk about ironic."

She was making an effort; Kate knew she should say something to keep the conversation going, but her mind was too preoccupied with the piece of paper in front of her, and the question of what it might mean. The day after the crash, when Jack had taken her to see Claire, she'd imagined that she saw more than a passing resemblance between them: was Ana right, was Claire Christian Shephard's daughter, and through him, Jack's sister? Or was the name just a coincidence? She could show him the article, but given how hard he'd already taken Claire's kidnapping, she wasn't sure that it was the best idea.

After excusing herself from the conversation with Ana, she was still mulling on this when Jack and Sayid returned hours later, tired, and covered in films of dirt and sweat. She didn't have to ask if they'd found her; she'd never seen Jack look so defeated, not even at the radio tower, when he knew they weren't going home.

Leaving Sayid to deal with Charlie, he made a beeline for his tent, tossing his backpack aside, and flopping onto his back with his eyes closed, too exhausted and angry to relay his adventure.

She knew he wanted to be alone, but she gave him a few minutes, and followed him in, settling on her side beside him, waiting for him to look up and acknowledge her.

He didn't open his eyes, but when he seemed to realise that she wasn't going away, he loosened up enough to reach for her, pulling her closer, until her head rested in the crook of his shoulder.

"How was your day?" he asked, seeming to want to ward off any mention of Claire, but she didn't think she could keep her discovery a secret any longer, not when she'd promised to be honest with him, so she fished the article out of her pocket, fidgeting with it as she began, "Charlie asked me to look after Claire's diary – he didn't want anyone to read it, and I guess he was tempted."

With an almost inaudible sigh, he looked up at her, waiting for her to continue.

She knew there was no easy way to broach the subject of Claire's paternity, so she decided to preserve his temper by getting directly to the point. "When I went to put it away, this fell out," she explained, holding the clipping out to him, "and I thought you should see it."

Shifting her off of him, propping himself up on one elbow, he took it from her with a questioning look; his face lost all colour as he studied it, and he sat up.

"That's your father, isn't it?" she prompted softly, and he nodded, too overcome to speak. "Ana said she met him. She said he went to Sydney to find his daughter – your sister."

"Claire," he murmured as understanding washed over him, balling the article up in his fist. "He never told me."

The look on his face as he made this connection too late was more heartbreaking than anything she could have imagined; part of her wished that she'd gone against her conscience and lied to him, but she didn't think she could keep something so huge a secret from him for long.

"I didn't want to hurt you, but I thought you should know," she told him, and he nodded to tell her that she'd done the right thing, but as she watched his hand fly up to his forehead, hiding his anguish, she wondered if this were true.

"I'm sorry, Jack," she whispered, wrapping her arms around him; as he yielded enough to bury his face in her neck, his shoulders began to shake, and she could feel his tears, warm and wet against her skin. "I'm so sorry," she repeated, kissing the side of his head as she cradled it in her hands, rocking him like a baby as he cried.

* * *

Since we found out that Christian was Claire's father, I've always wondered if, even though she was going to the US to give Aaron up, she intended to look him up while she was there, once she found out who he was. It would've been tempting -- deep down I think she really wanted to know him, and becoming a parent herself would make her more sympathetic towards him.

Next chapter: Jack is more determined than ever to find Claire, and something happens to complicate (possibly even re-open) the love triangle... ;)


	32. Chapter 32

Thanks for the reviews. Which love triangle? That's a good question when there's at least three: Jack/Kate/Kevin, Kate/Jack/Ana (although this doesn't really count!), and Kate/Kevin/Libby. I meant the central one, though…

* * *

Chapter 32. Six Days

Jack was quiet as they sat by the fire that night, and later, when they returned to his tent, but as crushing as Kate knew the blow she'd delivered had been to him, he didn't wallow in his self-pity for long. As soon as it got light, he filled his water bottle and headed back into the jungle, and she went with him, more as a show of solidarity than because she actually believed they'd find Claire.

But as the days wore on, she could tell that he, too, was losing faith: the trail got less distinct with each rainfall, until all they could make out were their own footprints. One by one the others started giving up: Locke and Boone went back to hunting, Ana, Sayid and Kevin stopped coming into the jungle altogether; even Charlie seemed content to sit on the beach and brood. Sometimes Kate wondered if, deep down, Jack would have preferred to do the same, but it was different for him: personal. Claire was his baby sister; though he'd never said as much, she knew that to him, accepting her absence was like failing his father all over again, and that was something he couldn't allow himself to do.

Though she knew it had been more than a week since their return from the radio tower, Kate was so busy trying to keep Jack from falling apart that she didn't realise how much time had passed until Locke told her.

He was sitting in a clearing with Boone, deep in the jungle, talking in a hushed voice, but he stopped when he heard them outside. "You two still out looking for Claire?" he asked, his expression laced with pity as he studied Jack, as if he knew that he was the one who wouldn't let go.

Jack stopped at these words, immediately on the defensive after days of enduring similar statements from Sayid. Ana, Kate was sure, would've agreed with him, had she not suspected the family connection.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jack challenged, and Kate put a hand on his shoulder to steady him, but he brushed her off, taking a step towards the older man.

Boone, who had been watching the exchange silently, glanced from Jack to Locke and back again, eyes wide, but Locke didn't seem concerned at how unstable Jack seemed, maintaining his calm demeanour as he said, "Just that it's been two weeks and you're no closer to finding her than you were when you set out. Maybe it's time to try a different approach."

"And what approach would that be, John?" Jack pressed, a hint of sarcasm in his tone, but Kate was stuck on something else he'd said:

Two weeks.

"What date is it?" she asked, her whole body tensing as fear washed over her, and all eyes turned to her, surprised.

"October nineteenth – almost a month since we crashed," Boone told her helpfully, and she felt the colour drain from her face.

The nineteenth. That was at least six days.

She hadn't noticed.

"Is everything okay, Kate?" Jack asked, losing his anger as his brow creased with worry. "You look a little pale."

She didn't know what to tell him, so she just nodded, flashing him a weak smile before running back to the beach to find Libby.

The psychologist was adding an extra flap to her tent, to form a kind of veranda, but she stopped to smile at her when she heard her approach.

"Hey, Kate," she said, "Didn't you go with Jack?" but Kate cut her off, too anxious for small talk.

"I'm late."

Libby pursed her lips in confusion, shaking her head. "Late for what?" she asked with a laugh, misunderstanding, and Kate wondered if she was the right person to be having this conversation with, but there was no one else. "The only appointments you have are these little sessions with me, and they don't seem to be restricted to any particular time of the day."

Normally Kate would have laughed, and apologised for burdening the psychologist with her problems, but at that moment, it was all she could do to keep from bursting into tears. "Six days," she said, swallowing hard, "I think I'm pregnant," and all the mirth went out of Libby's expression as she stared at her, stunned.

Now that she'd said it, it felt real; a wave of nausea washed over her, and for a moment, she had the irrational idea that it was the beginnings of morning sickness.

"Do you have any other symptoms?" Libby asked when she recovered from the shock, licking her lips, looking almost as nervous as Kate felt.

"No," Kate agreed, relaxing. "That's good, right? It means it's just a false alarm?" She felt relief flood through her until Libby shook her head.

"Most women don't experience morning sickness until at least the sixth week, so you might not be that far along," she explained, and Kate felt her heart sink again.

"So what do I do?" she asked, panic rise inside her at the prospect of having to wait that long for an answer. "I can't just sit here until something happens – I'll go out of my mind."

"You could take a test," Libby suggested, looking dubious, even though it was the obvious answer.

"Sure – I'll just go down to the drugstore and get one," Kate agreed sarcastically, feeling bad as soon as the words left her mouth; she was only trying to help, and it couldn't be easy for her, not when there was a chance that Kate was carrying her boyfriend's child.

Of course, if she really was pregnant, then there was an almost equal chance that the baby was Jack's.

"Someone might've had one on the plane," Libby suggested, graciously ignoring Kate's outburst. "Sometimes when people are having trouble conceiving, and they get really depressed about it, I suggest they go away to try. It takes some of the stress off."

"We've already been through the luggage – where would I go to look?" Kate asked, her insides knotting with fear as it occurred to her that the island's one doctor had everything that came under the heading of medical supplies. "I can't ask Jack."

"From what I hear, he's the wrong guy anyway," Libby agreed, and Kate felt sick again as she followed her friend's gaze to where Sawyer, the hick from the fuselage, was sitting outside his tent, obstructing the opening, like a dragon guarding a mountain of treasure.

"You've gotta be kidding me," she murmured, but she had to know, so she took a deep breath and sidled up to him, hoping that he was feeling more generous today than he had been the last time they'd met.

He wasn't.

"Well, well, well, if it ain't our own little adulteress," he said, his eyes travelling over her in an appreciative way that made her want to ram his book down his throat. "You tired of Jacko yet? 'Cause I'd be more than happy to take you off his hands."

"I didn't come here for a cheap thrill," she retorted, losing her resolve to be nice to him in her anger, and he looked slightly miffed that she wasn't more open to the idea.

"What did ya come for?" he asked, seeming to realise that regardless of her personal feelings towards him, he still had the upper hand. He still had something she wanted, even if it wasn't what he wanted himself.

"Your stash – I want to see it," she told him, hoping that she sounded more casual than she felt. She didn't want to have to tell him why; it was none of his business.

Her refusal to be more specific seemed to pique his interest; he smiled at her like the cat that ate the canary, folding his arms as he leaned back in his chair, stubbornly refusing to move. "You're gonna have to give me more than that, Freckles."

"Can't you just let me look?" she asked, her voice rising in exasperation. She wasn't in the mood to play juvenile games; not with everything else that was happening. "I'll give you…" She was going to offer him whatever he wanted, but she realised that, under the circumstances, that probably wasn't the smartest idea.

"You'll give me what?" he pressed, his eyes twinkling, seeming to have guessed what she was going to say.

"Please just… I need to know if you have a pregnancy test," she told him quietly, too desperate to argue with him anymore.

His eyes widened, and he lost his smirk, but he recovered it quickly, coming back in full force. "I guess I should be congratulatin' you then. Who's the father? I'll buy him a cigar."

Jack was right: he was an ass. Kate wanted to slap him, but she didn't. "I'm not even sure there's anything to be a father to," she reminded him, staring down at the sand to hide how red her cheeks were all of a sudden, wishing that he would just hand it over so that she could slink off into the jungle and die of humiliation.

She waited for him to degrade her a little more, but he must have realised that he'd gone too far, striking a nerve, because he disappeared into his tent without a word, returning with a small blue box. "Best of luck to ya," he said, pressing it into her hand, and sinking back into his chair with his book. "Now scram, and don't tell anyone I gave it to you or they'll all be expectin' freebies."

He didn't seem to want a fuss, so she retreated before he could change his mind, trying not to look too conspicuous as she crossed the camp with the box still in her hand.

When she returned from the jungle a few minutes later, Libby had given up on fixing her tent, and was sitting in the sand, staring out to sea with an unhappy look, but she managed a small, strained smile when Kate dropped down beside her, plastic stick in hand.

"The box says it'll take at least three minutes," she told her, more nervous than ever now that the moment of truth was at hand. She wasn't ready to tell Jack, or Kevin, yet, but she wanted someone there in case it was positive, even if she felt guilty for asking. "Do you think you could wait with me?"

"Sure." Libby nodded, squeezing her other hand reassuringly, but for once, being supportive didn't seem to come naturally.

She didn't seem to want to look any more than Kate did when it came time for them to check the results, and when she finally saw the little plus sign that told them that she really was pregnant, her smile was something more akin to a grimace.

* * *

I'm cruel, I know. When I started this fic, I was determined to make it completely free of Jabies, Skabies and Kabies(?), and it would've been, but now that I've decided to extend it, I just couldn't resist. There're so many ways I could go with it, since we that know Kevin wants a baby more than anything else in the world, and Jack is reluctant to make a commitment, so of course it would be easy for Kate to go back to Kevin and raise the baby with him regardless…

Next chapter: Kate and Libby discuss paternity, and one of the potential fathers finds out… ;)


	33. Chapter 33

Wow! I can't remember the last time I wrote something so controversial! I know you're all worried about Kate going back to Kevin, but you have to trust me, and my devotion to Jate. I have a plan, which should become clearer as the chapter progresses… ;)

As for those of you aren't sure about the pregnancy, I'm going to use it to further the mythology aspects (but don't worry, I won't kill Kate!), including a possible cameo by Juliet… ;)

* * *

Chapter 33. Daddy Issues

Staring down at test, Kate could hardly believe what she was seeing. "I don't – I'm on the pill," she protested, her throat closing up as tears welled in her eyes. "I have been since…" She was going to say, "Since before Kevin and I started sleeping together", but somehow, in her muddled state, she couldn't seem to finish the sentence.

"Well that's not always a hundred per cent effective, Kate," Libby reminded her a little too sharply, and she felt like she was sixteen years old, breaking the news to her mother. "Especially if you don't take it every day." She softened her tone, shoving her personal feelings aside, and switching back into clinical mode as she added, "Did you ever forget, or just decide to let it go?"

"No," Kate assured her defensively, not liking the implication that she was careless, but she couldn't deny the fact that that must be what had happened, that somewhere along the lines, she must have slipped up.

"I… wait." She paused as the truth hit her, bringing with it an idea that she was almost afraid to entertain. "After the crash, when Kevin was missing, it took me two days to find my bag, and when I did… I just didn't think of it until – until the second…" She trailed off, again, trying to decide whether she felt more relived, terrified or guilty. She'd known how much Kevin wanted a child, so until she was sure, she'd made sure that they wouldn't have one, but with Jack, that first time, ironically, babies were the furtherest thing from her mind.

"That was two weeks ago?" Libby asked, relaxing beside her now that her world was no longer being turned upside down as well.

"Two and a half," Kate corrected her, and the psychologist smiled, a real smile this time, though her eyes were sympathetic.

"And your last period was about thirty four days ago?" she continued, counting back from the six days Kate had told her she was late. "Two weeks before you and Jack…"

"Yeah," Kate agreed, licking her lips as it occurred to her that she was, in fact, pretty careless. And stupid. Wasn't that the worst possible time to have sex if you weren't trying to get pregnant? She'd missed a week's worth of pills by then; too many for it to have still been in her system. "So?"

"_So_ have you told him?" her friend finished, trying to force back her grin, seeming to have decided that it was a sure thing, which Kate had to admit, was looking more and more likely.

"No." She shook her head, staring back down at the stick in her hand, trying to process the fact that she was having a baby: _Jack's_ baby. She didn't know whether to laugh, or burst into tears.

"Are you going to?"

"I guess I'll have to," she agreed, and another wave of sickening dread washed over her as she flashed back to their fight in the jungle. "Oh God, what if he doesn't want a baby? I'm not even sure _I_ want a baby. Kevin kept asking me, right before the wedding, and in Australia, and I…" She felt a pang of guilt as she tried to imagine telling him. If he were heartbroken before, the news that she was giving Jack what he wanted more than anything else in the world would surely crush him.

Libby seemed to have caught the train of her thoughts, prompting, "Is it that you didn't want a baby, or you just didn't want one with him?" When Kate didn't answer, she squeezed her hand, watching her patiently. "It's okay. You knew he wasn't right for you. There's nothing wrong with wanting to make it a clean break."

"There was just… there's just some stuff in my life that made it seem like it would be a mistake," she confessed, not wanting Libby to think that it was as simple as her not loving him, or believing that he would make a good father.

"Stuff that matters here?" Libby waved her arm, gesturing around the beach, as if to remind her of where they were.

"With Kevin, yes," she agreed, thinking of the way he still stumbled over her name. If he spoke to her at all these days, it was directly, as if he couldn't bear to say it. She wasn't sure she blamed him: what she'd done to him, pretending, making him fall for someone who didn't exist, was the worst kind of betrayal. "But with Jack…" She shook her head. He didn't care that she was a fugitive: he said he wanted to help her. "Not as much."

"The honesty thing?" Libby asked, and she nodded.

"Good thing he's probably the father."

She smiled again, but Kate couldn't bring herself to smile back. "Is it?" she asked, a little bubble of panic rising inside her at the thought of Jack withdrawing from her like he had in the past. "He just got out of a bad marriage – I heard him telling Sayid he wasn't ready for another commitment."

"I'm getting deja vu here, Kate," Libby said, a note of disapproval, or maybe it was just disappointment, in her tone as she fixed Kate with a serious look. "You didn't think he could handle whatever this thing that ruined your relationship with Kevin is, and it seems like he was fine with it. You've got to stop putting words in his mouth. You're not doing yourself, or him, any favours."

Libby's words echoed inside her head: _People aren't always the monsters we make them out to be_, and Kate realised that she was right. "You think I should talk to him tonight?" she asked, seeking confirmation of what she already knew in her heart, simultaneously frightened and relieved at the prospect of having her condition out in the open between them. Even if Jack couldn't deal, it was better than the constant fear of him figuring it out.

"I think you should drag him out of that jungle right now," Libby told her with a laugh. "God knows the man needs something new to obsess over, but hey, that's just me. It's important that you tell him in your own time."

Kate nodded, and she found that she was able to muster a smile for her friend, even though she wasn't ready to be happy just yet. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Returning her grin, Libby went back to fixing her tent, leaving Kate to process the news on her own.

Feeling strangely delicate, and unsure of her own body, all of a sudden, she climbed carefully to her feet, intending to go back to her own tent to wait for Jack, but halfway there, she ran into Kevin. He looked like he was on his way to see Libby, but he hesitated when they met, offering Kate a smile and an awkward, "Hey."

It was too much for her to deal with right then; tucking the test against her side, she kept walking, but he knew her too well not to realise that something was up.

"Kate?" he said, latching instinctively onto her wrist. "Did I…?" he trailed off as, averting his eyes, he noticed the object in her hand, lifting her arm gently so that he could see it. "You're pregnant," he said, glancing from the test, to her, and back again, gob-smacked.

"Yeah," she agreed, her mouth going dry as he let out a laugh that was half nervous excitement, half disbelief.

"How… how far…?" he asked, checking himself, trying not to sound too overjoyed.

"A couple of weeks, I guess. I don't know," she lied, licking her lips, as she searched for a way to end the conversation without breaking his heart all over again. "I can't exactly go to the obstetrician."

His expression lost some of the hopefulness as he asked, tensing, as if he already knew the answer. "Is it…?" She pretended not to understand him, but he swallowed, finishing, "Ours… mine?"

She lost the tentative hold she had on her emotions then, shaking her head vehemently as tears slid down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Kevin," she managed to choke out as his face crumpled with grief, but he ignored her, adding, "But we… I mean, there's a chance, right? You can't tell me there isn't."

She couldn't, but she was afraid he would try to convince her to come back if he knew that, so she shook her head again, finding it difficult to speak.

"How do you know?" he pressed, but she cut him off before he could make her question it again.

The baby was Jack's. It had to be.

"I just do." It hurt her to see him standing there, looking so dejected, so mumbling, "I have to go", she pushed past him, into the jungle, not stopping even when she heard him call her name.

Once she was alone, she collapsed onto a log, sobbing into her hand, not bothering to muffle the sound. Everything was such a mess: Kevin still wanted her, baby and all, he still loved her, she could see in his eyes, but she wanted Jack, and Jack… she didn't know what he wanted. On their first night together, he'd told her that their relationship wasn't a fling, that they had a future, but when she asked him, he wouldn't tell her what that future was.

She was so deep in her despair that it took her a moment to register the rustle of leaves; her first thought was that it was Jack, or Locke, or even Rousseau, approaching, but when whoever it was failed to announce their presence, her stomach clenched with fear. She didn't have her knife, so, taking a deep breath, she picked up a rock, willing herself to remain calm as she retreated, but it slid from her hand when a figure stepped out of the undergrowth.

It wasn't Jack, or Locke, or Rousseau, or even one of the Others, who stood before her: it was Claire, dazed and dishevelled, but still pregnant, and very much alive.

* * *

Next chapter: More on Claire's reappearance, and Kate tries to find a way to tell Jack… ;) 


	34. Chapter 34

Thanks for the reviews. This probably counts as a spoiler, but if it keeps people reading, I can promise you now that Kate's baby is absolutely one hundred per cent a Jaby, hence the complicated maths. That's one of the reasons I mentioned Juliet, because she's the one person on the island who could clear that up. (And don't worry, I'm not going to complicate things by creating another triangle -- I doubt that she and Jack will even meet.) When I said Kate's pregnancy would complicate the triangle, I meant in terms of emotions... ;)

Oh, and I've been working on a fic with SassieLostie, based on the Dark Phoenix storyline from X-Men 3, so be sure to check that out when the first chapter appears in the next day or so. It's called "Pale Reflection" and we're very excited about it...

* * *

Chapter 34. Drawing A Blank 

"Claire?" was all Kate could say as she stared at the younger woman in shock, but as confused as she was, this was nothing compared to the bewilderment Claire seemed to be feeling.

"Who are you?" she asked, wrapping her arms protectively around herself, looking so small and scared that Kate's heart went out to her. She couldn't even begin to imagine what she must have been through during the two weeks she'd been missing.

"I'm Kate, remember?" she supplied gently, adding, when Claire didn't look any less afraid of her, "We met the day after the crash – you thought I was Jack's wife." It seemed almost funny now, under the circumstances, but she was too emotionally spent to manage more than a wry smile.

Claire shook her head vigorously, fighting back tears. "Am I supposed to know what you're talking about?" she said, and Kate felt her heart sink. They hadn't been the best of friends, but Claire should remember her, and, more importantly, Jack. He was her hero: if they'd grown up together, Kate could see her following him around, shadowing his every move.

"No, it's okay. Just relax, okay?" she said quickly, afraid of distressing her any more than she already had. The last thing she wanted was to have to deliver a baby in the middle of the jungle, especially while she was still coming to terms with her own newly discovered pregnancy. "We have to get you back to the beach."

She took a tentative step towards her, but Claire jumped back, tensing as if preparing to run. "No," she said firmly, like a child refusing to accept a ride from a stranger, but her voice was quivering with fear. "I'm not going anywhere with you."

Up until that point, Kate had managed to keep herself together, but she felt herself panicking then. "Claire, please," she begged, exasperated. "I'm not gonna hurt you. I just need you to come with me so that Jack can check you out."

When Claire let out a muffled whimper, she explained hastily, realising how ominous this sounded, "He's a doctor – he can make sure there's nothing wrong with you or your baby." She wanted to tell her that he was her brother, that he'd take care of her, but she figured Claire was having enough of an identity crisis without her dropping that bombshell on her.

The younger woman still didn't look too convinced, but she crept closer on hearing these words, allowing Kate to support her as they made their way back to the beach.

Jack wasn't back yet, so taking her the long way to avoid attracting the attention of the other survivors, which was sure to overwhelm her, she steered her over to Libby's tent, helping her sit down on a pile of airplane cushions.

"Libby's a friend too," she assured her, squeezing her shoulder, and flashing her a warm smile to let her know that she had nothing to worry about. "She's gonna keep you company until I get back."

"She doesn't remember anything," she told the stunned psychologist, striding back into the jungle before she could press her for details. "Maybe you can help her."

She could hear Libby talking to Claire in her soothing therapist's voice, but she didn't stop to listen, crashing back through the trees to the place where she'd left Jack.

He was on his way back; he looked startled when she burst out of the undergrowth in front of him, surprised to see her so soon after she'd taken off.

"Do you wanna tell me what's going on?" he asked, his voice laced with a mixture of concern and impatience, as she doubled over, trying to recover her breath.

The blood was roaring in her ears; she felt like she was going to pass out, though whether this was due to her pregnancy, or the fact that she'd just run all that way, she wasn't sure. "It's Claire," she managed to choke out between gasps. "She's back."

At first, she wasn't sure that he'd understood her, but then his eyes brightened, and he seemed to forget everything else. "When? How?" he asked, laughing. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him so happy.

"I found her… in the jungle… just now," she explained, hoping that he wouldn't ask her what she was doing there.

He didn't, but instead of being relieved, she felt strangely disappointed. It would have given her an opening. "Is she okay?" he pressed.

"I think so," she agreed, choosing her words carefully. "She's not hurt or anything, but Jack? I think They did something to her memory."

The smile slid from his face then. "What do you mean?" he asked sharply, and she licked her lips, swallowing before continuing, "She doesn't remember who we are."

He was silent on the way back, stopping impatiently while he waited for her catch up, and she wasn't sure he believed her, until Claire greeted him with a similarly blank look.

"You're the doctor?" she asked, and Kate saw his face fall, but he recovered with a weak smile.

"I'm Jack," he said, the words loaded with hidden meaning, as if they could somehow communicate to her everything he was feeling. Everything he wanted her to feel too. "I don't know if you remember, but I saved your life the day of the crash."

She shook her head, offering him a sympathetic smile, and he nodded, glancing down at the sand. "That's okay," he said, his voice coming out hollow in his disappointment. "It's not important – what's important is that you're home and you're safe."

"What is this place?" she asked, not looking at all at home as she glanced from him to myriad of tents scattered across the beach. "Libby said we're on an island?"

"That's right," he agreed, grinning, relaxing now that he was connecting with her, even if it wasn't on the level Kate knew he would have liked.

"Weren't they all discovered years ago?" She wrinkled her nose, looking sceptical, and Jack laughed, shrugging in response.

"That's what I thought too."

Jack seemed to have forgotten about her, so leaving him to get reacquainted with Claire, Kate wandered over to her own tent, curling up on her makeshift mattress. While she was glad that he wouldn't miss out on the chance to get to know his little sister, a selfish part of her wished that Claire had stayed missing just a little longer. She couldn't have come back at a worse time: as much as Kate craved reassurance that Jack would be there for her, she couldn't dump the news of their baby on him while he was still so worried about Claire's.

She must have drifted off to sleep while debating whether or not she should still tell him, because the next thing she knew, it was dark, and he was leaning over her, cupping her cheek in his palm as he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

"You missed dinner, so I brought you something to eat," he said when he saw that she was awake, gesturing to the plate he'd set on the bed beside her, but she shook her head, depositing it on top of her luggage in the corner.

"Thanks, but I'm not hungry," she told him, feeling guilty, knowing what he'd say if he knew, but she was too anxious to keep anything down. "Where's Claire?" she asked, mostly to distract him, when he looked like he was going to argue.

"Asleep." Giving up, he flopped down on his back beside her. "She's had a long day."

Me too, she wanted to tell him, but instead, she asked, "Did you get a chance to examine her?"

"Yeah. Aside from the memory loss, which Libby thinks will wear off, she seems fine. The baby too," he added, grinning at her, awed. "I can't believe I'm going to be an uncle."

"I'm sure you'll make a great one," she agreed, almost mechanically, wondering if he would be that excited about their own child: about being a _father_. It was one thing to breeze in on birthdays and holidays, but did he really want to do that full time: All the diapers and crying and nights without sleep? And more importantly, did he really want to do that with her?

He seemed to sense her strange mood, because he propped himself up one elbow, studying her seriously as he said, "I never go the chance to ask you – what was all that stuff in the jungle about it being the nineteenth of October? Does that mean something to you?"

She knew she could have told him then, that she _should_ have told him, but she couldn't find the words. "It was my mom's birthday," she lied, deciding that it was better to wait until he wasn't so distracted anyway. That way he could give the situation the attention it deserved. "I guess I still get depressed."

He settled back against the cushions, pulling her closer, seemingly relieved that it wasn't anything more serious. "I know that feeling," he said, stroking her hair as she curled into his side with her head on his shoulder. "My dad hasn't even been gone that long, and already, I can't imagine never seeing him again. I still feel like he's at home with my mom, waiting for news."

He kissed her again, letting his lips linger against her temple, before laying his head back down on top of hers. "I thought I was being punished for something when he died," he confessed after a beat, his voice breaking, and she felt him swallow hard. "For not being a better son. But then I met you, and Claire, and somehow, that made me think there was another reason behind it, even if I'm not sure I'll ever fully understand it.

"You gave me something to look forward to during some of the worst days of my life," he finished, his eyes shining with tears, and she felt her own throat close up, "So if you ever want to talk about your mom…"

He trailed off, leaving the rest of the sentence unsaid, but she knew what he was trying to tell her. He wanted to take care of her, the way she'd taken care of him, and for now, that was enough.

"I love you," she told him, lifting her face to his, knowing that he couldn't possibly understand what it meant to her to hear him say it at that moment.

"I love you too," he agreed, and she drifted back to sleep in his arms, secure in the knowledge that whenever she was ready to tell him, he would be there to support her.

* * *

Okay, you're probably all annoyed at me for that, but one, I've figured out the perfect moment for her to tell him, and two, it wouldn't be called "Secrets and Lies" if there weren't any secrets or lies... ;) 

Next chapter: Libby helps Claire recover her repressed memories, and they learn the reason behind her abduction... ;)


	35. Chapter 35

Slow review day... That's okay, though, I'm gonna update anyway because the other fic I mentioned, the one SassieLostie and I are working on together, is doing well and I'm in a good mood. It's called "Pale Reflection" for those of you who haven't seen it yet, and it's going to be very, very cool... ;)

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Chapter 35. Claire's Memories 

When Kate left her tent the following morning, Jack was sitting with Libby outside hers, conferring with her over breakfast, but he stopped long enough to greet her with a distracted kiss.

"You two look pretty cosy," she said as she settled in the sand beside him, drawing her knees up to her chest. She felt an irrational stab of jealousy as she noted the way he listened intently to the psychologist's every word, just like he did with Sayid and Ana. It was like their opinions were the only ones that mattered, all because they had a profession attached to them. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were planning something."

Remembering that Libby was with her when she took the pregnancy test, her jealousy turned to fear as she wondered if she'd mentioned the baby to him, even in passing, but when she glanced over at her, Libby shook her head, miming locking her lips and throwing away the key.

"Libby thinks she can help Claire get her memory back," Jack told her, oblivious to this gesture as his gaze travelled from Kate, back to the psychologist, acknowledging her with a warm smile, which she returned without missing a beat.

"If I can get her to remember how she felt when she was with the Others, that should be enough to transport her back there," Libby explained for Kate's benefit, and Jack nodded. She shrugged, seeming to note Kate's scepticism as she added, "A kind of sensory version of hypnotic regression therapy, only I won't be using actual hypnosis."

"And you think it'll work?" Kate asked, directing her question more at Jack, than at Libby; somehow the idea seemed a little whimsical for his taste.

"It's worth a shot," he agreed, looking as unsure of this process as she felt, and she realised that he'd only made the transition from man of hard science to one of faith because someone he cared about was involved. He needed to believe that there was something they could do.

Claire didn't look too enthusiastic when they explained it to her, seeming to prefer to let sleeping dogs lie, but she caved once Jack pointed out that without knowing what had happened to her, they couldn't be sure that the Others hadn't harmed her baby.

"So how do we do this?" she asked nervously as she propped herself up on pile of airplane cushions in front of Libby. "Do I have to hold your hands or something?"

Libby laughed when the younger woman stretched her palms out awkwardly for her to grasp, shaking her head. "I'm not a psychic, Claire. All I'm gonna do is show you how access the stuff you've repressed. It's already there – you just have to see it."

Swallowing hard, cringing as if anticipating a physical blow, Claire retracted her hands, but before she could tuck them both into her lap, Jack crouched down beside her and took one in his, squeezing it with a reassuring smile. "You can do this, Claire," he said, and Kate smiled too, enjoying watching him play the protective big brother. It was almost paternal, this new side of him; for the first time, she found herself getting excited at the idea of having a baby with him.

Claire nodded, meeting his smile with a feeble grimace, before turning her attention back to Libby.

"I want you to close your eyes, and think about where you were before Kate found you in the jungle," the psychologist said in a voice so slow and even that it made Kate feel tired.

Claire did as she was told, her expression strained as she concentrated on remembering, letting out a little whimper when Libby asked, "Are you there?"

"Yes," she agreed, and Kate saw Jack tense when she looked like she was going to burst into tears.

"What do you see?" Libby prompted gently, ignoring the way he motioned for her to stop. Shifting her position so that she was standing behind him, Kate squeezed his shoulder, shaking her head at him when he gave her a helpless look, seeming to regret his decision to subject her to this. They had to know what they were dealing with, and why, and right now, Claire was the only one who could tell them.

"Walls… and light… green light," she went on, reacting to something only she was aware of. "I'm in a room with machines… and there's a man – I think he's a doctor."

"What makes you think he's a doctor, Claire?"

"He's wearing a white coat, and he wants to do some tests – on the baby," Claire continued, whimpering again, and Jack's face contorted with fury, but this time, Kate couldn't find it in herself to comfort him.

Instead, she felt as if the air had been sucked from her lungs as she realised that that was why Claire, of all of their people, had been taken: because they needed her, because she was pregnant. She could feel herself shaking, with fear, outrage, disgust, but she forced herself to remain silent, letting Libby do her job.

"What sort of tests?" she asked, her eyes meeting Kate's briefly, as if the same thought had occurred to her too. "Can you describe them to me?"

"He took some blood, and he… he injected me with something. He said it was good for the baby."

Kate exchanged another worried glance with Libby, her insides knotting with fear, not just for Claire's baby, but for her own. Jack looked ready to explode.

"Did you see what it was?"

"No."

"Where did he put the needle, Claire?"

"In my tummy. It hurt a lot."

"Did it hurt afterwards or make you feel sick?"

"No."

"Is that all he did?"

"No. He showed me the baby."

"On a sonogram?"

"Yes."

Kate let out the breath she was holding, but she found that couldn't relax. None of it made any sense: if Their intentions were as honourable as Claire's story would suggest, why bother kidnapping her in the first place? If they wanted to help her, why not ask?

"Can you tell me anything else about the place They took you, Claire?" Libby pressed, changing tactics now that it was apparent that Claire's knowledge of what They'd done to her was limited.

"There was a room with a crib," she went on, sounding only slightly less distressed. "The man – Ethan – said it was for the baby. He said they'd take care of it if I gave it to them."

"They wanted your baby?" Kate cut in now that they were finally getting somewhere, her voice laced with panic as she wondered whether They were really going to wait for her to give it up. What she wanted to know more than anything was whether Claire's baby was special, or they just needed a baby, _any_ baby.

Her voice seemed to break the spell: Claire's eyes flew open, and she stared at her in alarm. "The girl who helped me get away, she said they were going to cut him out of me," she confessed, fully alert now; as Jack stooped to comfort her, telling her what a good job she'd done, Kate could see Libby watching her, but she was afraid to look at her, afraid that if she did, she would start crying too.

"You okay?" she asked quietly, coming up beside her, and Kate let out a shaky breath, nodding, not wanting Jack to see how upset she was.

"Yeah," she agreed, forcing a smile, as her straightened up, turning to them with a serious look.

"I want to go there," he said, his jaw set, determined. "Her memory's still patchy, but she gave me directions to where she thinks it should be." When neither of them said anything, he added, defending his decision, "It's the only way we're gonna find out why they're doing this."

He looked like he expected Kate, at least, to try to talk him out of it, but instead, she said, "I'm coming with you," matching his resolve as a maternal instinct she hadn't even known she possessed rose up inside of her. She wasn't going to wait for Them to take her like Claire, to poison her baby, and cut it out of her against her will.

"No," he said firmly, shaking his head. "You heard what They did to Claire. These people are sick – I don't want them anywhere near you."

"Jack—" she complained, but he cut her off before she even had time to figure out what she was going to say.

"_Kate_, I'd feel better if you sat this one out. This isn't like the radio tower."

His refusal was making her desperate: the only way she could protect herself and her child was if she knew what they were up against. "Jack, please – I just… I need to help."

Unnerved by something in her tone, he stopped arguing, searching her expression, and she thought he'd figured out why this was so personal for her, but he just sighed, running his fingers over his hair as he resigned himself to the fact that she wasn't going to be left behind.

"I'm going to go talk to Sayid," he said, turning away from her. "Come find us when you're ready to go."

* * *

Now you see why it's not gonna be easy for Kate to tell Jack. He's not exactly gonna be thrilled that she's a target too now.

Next chapter: Jack, Kate and Sayid visit the medical station... ;)


	36. Chapter 36

Thanks for the reviews. It's awesome that people are enjoying "Pale Reflection" so much. This, I'm not sure about -- Has it become too mythology-based? I've never written an on-island chapter story before, so I might've gotten carried away... ;)

* * *

Chapter 36. The Medical Station 

Despite her confusion, the medical facility was almost exactly where Claire had said it would be, give or take a few hundred yards.

Even though it wasn't that far, the hike took them almost three hours, because before they'd set out, Libby had ambushed Kate at the entrance to her tent, threatening to tell Jack she was pregnant if she didn't promise to take it slowly and rest as often as she could.

It wasn't easy to think of excuses with Sayid glowering at her, seeming to wonder why she was there if she couldn't keep up, and she was pretty sure none of them were very original, from refilling her water bottle, to painstakingly reknotting her shoelaces, but as afraid as she was of Jack finding out, she was even more afraid of him finding out too late, when he was forced to nurse her through a miscarriage.

She knew that he would never forgive her for putting them both through that, or himself, and she was pretty sure that she'd never forgive herself, either. As complicated as it had made her life, she no longer had any doubts about whether or not she wanted her baby: it had become real to her in the moment that she'd discovered how easily it could be taken away.

The door was buried in the side of a ravine, half hidden by vines. As Sayid brushed them aside, letting first one, then the other, creak open, Kate began to wish that they had something more substantial than hunting knives for protection, but she needn't have worried, because the inside was deserted, stripped of anything of use.

They found the examination room, but the machines Claire had described were missing, the cabinets empty and overturned. There was no nursery, no crib, just the faded outlines of the wooden plaques that had previously decorated the walls.

"They must have abandoned this station in a hurry, when Claire escaped," Sayid said as they systematically opened and closed each locker in what Jack insisted looked like the interns' locker room at St. Sebastian's, checking for anything that the Others might have overlooked; anything that would enable them find Them again. "They knew we would come looking for Them."

The hope Kate had been clinging to, that they would get answers, evaporated when their search came up empty. "Maybe this isn't where They brought her," she argued, unwilling to accept that they were just as powerless as ever, but Jack shook his head, misunderstanding.

"Everything's here, it's just not… here," he said; shaking his head again, he slammed his palm against the nearest locker, the look on his face telling her that he felt as defeated as she did.

"I'm going to search the perimeter one more time, then I suggest we head back to the beach," Sayid told them, disappearing back into the corridor.

Watching Jack drop his head, massaging the bridge of his nose, as the Iraqi's footsteps receded, Kate thought about telling him, if only to make him understand why she couldn't let this go, but she didn't want to provoke him, not when he was holding himself together by a thread.

If he found out that she'd knowingly allowed him to lead her there, like a sacrificial lamb, while there was every possibility that the Others were still around, he'd be furious. He wouldn't even care that it was his baby she was carrying; in fact, that would probably just make him angrier. He wouldn't get to be happy or excited or proud: it would just be another problem for him to solve, another thing to lose sleep over.

When Sayid returned, they closed up the facility, replacing the vines, and headed out, making the long trek back to the beach in silence. Even the Iraqi was more reticent than usual, staring straight ahead as he debriefed.

As soon as they emerged from the jungle, Kate, too tired and miserable to talk to anyone, started towards her tent, intending to make good on her promise to Libby by taking a nap before dinner, but she stopped when Kevin barrelled past her.

"I can't believe you," he said, and at first, she thought he was talking to her, but when she turned to face him again, she saw that his words were directed at Jack, who looked ready for another violent confrontation with him, now that the Others were out of his reach. "You go off at me for not protecting Claire, and then you let _Kate_ go into the jungle."

"Kevin!" she called sharply, to silence him, running over to them when she realised what was happening, but he motioned for her to stay out of it.

"Do you want Them to take her, or do you just have your head stuck so far up your ass you can't see what a phenomenally stupid idea that was?" he continued as if she hadn't spoken, red-faced with anger, and Jack stopped, confused as to what they were fighting about this time.

Out of the corners of her eyes, Kate could see a crowd gathering, Claire watching the proceedings, wide-eyed, from between Libby and Charlie. Sayid stood by, ready to break it up if it came to blows, but otherwise, disinterested.

"I didn't _let_ her do anything," Jack insisted, too fired up to care that they were making a scene. "I told her to stay on the beach, but you of all people should know how stubborn she can be. She wanted to come."

"So?" Kevin persisted, taking a step towards him; a step that Jack met with one of his own. Opposite her, Kate saw Claire tense, her hand flying to her belly, and Libby whispered something to her, rubbing her shoulder to soothe her. "You should've said no. She shouldn't be going on hikes – you're a doctor, you're supposed to know that."

"_Kevin_," Kate tried again, but unaware of the real cause of the conflict, Jack let out a sarcastic laugh, shaking his head. "So I should wanna keep her barefoot and pregnant like you do?" he retorted, and for a moment, Kate was afraid that Kevin really would hit him. If he knew what he was saying, he probably would have deserved it. It made him sound like he was being smart.

"You shouldn't have any trouble with that," Kevin ground out darkly, catching himself, by sheer force of will, before he put his fist through Jack's face.

Claire flinched again, doubling over, but this time, she didn't appear to be listening, gripping the side of her abdomen as Libby tried to get Jack's attention. "Jack—"

"What the hell is your problem?" he demanded, bewildered by this remark, and Kevin glanced at Kate as realisation dawned on him.

"You mean you don't know?" he asked, letting go of some of his anger when he realised that Jack hadn't led her into danger intentionally. "She didn't tell you?"

"Jack!" One hand still on Claire's back, rubbing it absently, Libby waved her free arm at him, but he was too focused on Kate to notice.

"Tell me what?" he asked, his dark eyes boring into hers, searching for an explanation, and she thought she was going to have to break the news to him there, in front of the whole camp, until Libby's voice cut through the tension between them.

"_Jack!_"

The urgency in her tone was unmistakeable this time. "What?" he asked, shifting his attention reluctantly from Kate.

"Claire's in labour."

* * *

Damn Claire! She's like the new Michael... (I hold Michael personally responsible not only for ruining the second Jate kiss, or at least, The Talk, but for season 3, since he was the one who delivered them to the Others. That's why he's not in this fic, because I hate him!) 

I know Kevin didn't tell him, but I have something else fairly dramatic in mind, which brings me to:

Next chapter: Jack tries to get Kate to help him deliver Claire's baby... ;)


	37. Chapter 37

Thanks for the reviews. I'm so glad you all liked the last chapter (and the mythology stuff!) -- I was afraid that having Claire go into labour during the fight would be melodramatic... ;)

* * *

Chapter 37. Good News

"Are you sure?" Jack asked with one last irritated glance at Kate, as if to say "We'll talk about this later", hurrying over to where Libby was standing with Claire.

The psychologist wrinkled her nose, letting out a tiny laugh when Claire gasped, watching something wet run down the inside of her leg in horror. "I'm sure," she agreed.

All eyes were on Claire now, Kevin having had the grace to slip off with Sayid to tend the signal fire. "Show's over!" Charlie cried, waving his arms in a shooing motion, and with a murmur of voices, the crowd began to disperse, leaving Jack to do his job.

"Help me get her to her tent," he said, sliding his arm around Claire's shoulders, and both Charlie and Libby moved to take her other side, but he waved the British man away. "She doesn't remember you, Charlie – you're gonna have to give her some space."

Charlie's face fell, and he took a step back, allowing Libby to come to Claire's aid in his place.

Seeing how helpless he looked, Kate offered him a sympathetic smile, silently apologising for Jack's brusque manner, but she turned back to him, startled, when he called her name.

"Kate, I need you to go to my tent and get me some things," he called over his shoulder, rattling off each item faster than she could make mental note of them, "Scissors, thread, towels, the lighter, and something to wrap the baby in."

"So that was scissors, towels, the lighter, and…" she repeated, panicking when she couldn't remember what else he'd said.

"You wanna make yourself useful, Charlie – help Kate," he yelled, looking exasperated, when she remained rooted to the spot.

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Charlie was off like a shot, seeking out each of these things with the fervour of a child on a scavenger hunt. When he was gone, Kate snapped out of her daze, retrieving Jack's backpack from his tent and taking it to him.

When she let herself into Claire's tent, Claire was lying propped up on her bed, with a blanket over her lap, squeezing Libby's hand while the psychologist talked to her softly, waiting for Jack to issue further instructions.

"I've changed my mind," Kate heard her whimper, her eyes pleading with Libby's to make it stop hurting, as she felt as if she could be saying those words. "I don't want to have this baby anymore."

"It's okay," Libby told her, smoothing the sweaty bangs off her forehead, "You're doing great", but Claire just let out a strangled sob in response; watching her writhe and screw up her face with the next contraction, Kate wanted to run outside and be sick.

She'd never witnessed a birth before, except on TV, much less one outside of a hospital, but now that she was seeing what it was like in reality, she was pretty sure that she never wanted to go through it herself.

"What if… What if They come back for him?" Claire went on when she recovered her breath, and this time, it was Jack, moving over to check her progress, who chimed in, "No one's gonna let Them take your baby, Claire – Not if you don't want Them to."

Glancing up as he replaced the blanket, his eyes met Kate's briefly. "I need you to get those things ready," he said in his sharp surgeon's voice, not seeming to notice how pale she was as he returned his attention to Claire.

"I'm going to ask you to start pushing in just a few minutes," he told her, as gently as he could, and she gave him a weary nod, too exhausted to argue if it meant that the pain would be over soon. He lifted the blanket again, folding it over her knees this time, and Libby helped Claire sit up straighter, smiling encouragingly as she gripped her hand.

Realising that Jack was waiting for her, Kate started to do as she was told, but her hands were shaking on the zipper, and she felt like she was going to pass out when she allowed herself another peak at Claire. She didn't want to be there anymore: at that moment, she would have preferred to be in another plane crash than to stay and watch Claire give birth.

Libby seemed to pick up on her anxiety, because she said, "Jack, why don't you let me do that?", but before Kate could hear his response, she'd dropped the backpack and ducked back out of the tent, leaving the scene inside as far behind as she could.

* * *

It was at least an hour before Jack came looking for her, wearing a clean t-shirt, his brow furrowed in a mixture of concern and anger when he found her sitting on a rock, hugging her knees as she stared out to sea.

"How's Claire?" she asked, not meeting his eyes, knowing that he was upset with her for running out on him.

"She's fine," he said, though this was clearly not what he wanted to talk about, and she let out the breath she was holding, relieved that she hadn't caused any complications by baulking. "She has a healthy baby boy. No name, as yet."

"That's great," she told him, forcing a smile, before returning her gaze to the ocean. "You have a nephew. Congratulations."

He was silent for a long moment, and she hoped that he was going to leave, but when he spoke again, she realised that he was just choosing his next words. "What was all that about, Kate? I asked you to help me, and you took off," he said finally, the tone of his voice making it clear that not only was he disappointed in her, but he was utterly clueless as to why she'd let him down. "You've been moody and secretive for days, and I let it go, because I thought it was about your mom, but now I have to ask – is something else going on?"

She'd spent the last hour bracing herself for that question, coming up with excuses to explain her behaviour, but now that he was standing in front of her, his brown eyes boring into hers, she couldn't stop the words from tumbling out. "I don't wanna be like Claire – I don't wanna have a baby here."

It was the best way she could think of to express what she was feeling: her fear, not just for herself, but their unborn child, but all this was lost on him.

"No one's asking you to," he said, looking perplexed as he sat down beside her, but his expression softened, and he took her hand, when he saw that whatever was distressing her was real.

"Yes, they _are_," she sobbed, and his body tensed beside hers as he seemed to flash back on the conversation he'd had with Kevin; dropping her hand, he stood up, pacing in a small, confused circle as he tried to regain his composure.

"So that's it," he said, swallowing hard, "You're pregnant," and she nodded. "Are you gonna go back to him?"

"What?" she asked through her tears, incredulous.

"_Kevin_ – are you getting back together with him?" But before she could answer, he brought his hand up to massage his brow, shaking his head angrily as he added, "So all that crap about wanting to know what this was… You were just filling in time until he forgave you."

"I wasn't…" she began, hurt by the way he was lashing out at her. "It's not… I'm not getting back together with him. I don't have any reason to."

"A baby – that's a pretty big reason, Kate," he retorted, but before he could walk away, she grabbed his arm, forcing him to look at her.

"Libby helped me do the math," she told him, determined to finish this time. "He's not the father, Jack. You are."

He stopped trying to shake her off on hearing these words, staring at her, stunned. "You're not just saying that?" he checked, and she shook her head for emphasis.

"No."

His knees buckled, and he sat down again as a series of incongruous emotions passed over his face. "How long have you known?"

"Since yesterday," she explained, returning to her former position beside him now that he wasn't going anywhere. "I got a test from Sawyer."

She hadn't expected him to be overjoyed, but even so, she couldn't hide her disappointment when his eyes flashed angrily and he said, "And you let me take you to that station?"

"Why wouldn't I? There's no way They could've known – _you_ didn't even know."

He shifted his gaze from hers guiltily, his voice coming out hoarse as he argued, "It doesn't matter, Kate. Do you have any idea how many others things can go wrong this early in a pregnancy? You could have fallen, we could've been attacked – just the hike itself could've been enough to cost us the baby… you too if I couldn't stop the bleeding in time. No wonder Kevin was pissed."

His anger dissolved, and he rubbed his eyes tiredly, as if just the thought of losing her had caused him to age a decade in the time they'd been sitting there. "How could we let this happen? I just assumed you were on the pill…"

"I was," she assured him, embarrassed, and a little afraid that he would see this as her fault, or worse, think that she'd done it on purpose, "but I skipped a couple of days, and I guess it didn't work."

He fell silent again, and she was sure that he was wracking his brain for a safe way out of this situation, when he smiled.

"What?" she asked with a hopeful grin, her heart lifting at the thought that he might actually be happy, or at least, not too adverse to the idea.

"I was just thinking about Claire's baby – my nephew," he said, his face lighting up with pride, "and how, in a couple of months, bar any complications, that'll be ours."

She allowed herself to return his smile, loving the casual way he'd referred to the baby as "theirs", but there was genuine apprehension in her voice as she joked, "That's assuming I make it through God knows how many hours of labour first."

He took her hand, lacing his fingers through hers as he said, "You're stronger than you give yourself credit for," his eyes full of love and admiration for her. "You're gonna be great."

Even though, through his fear, he looked happy, she couldn't help feeling timid as she asked, "So this is good news?"

His smile faded as he considered her question, too honest to give her anything less than the truth, even if it wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear. "It means I'm not gonna be able to let you out of my sight for the next eight months," he said carefully, and she knew he wasn't kidding, "especially after the stunt you pulled this morning, but it's… a baby…" he repeated, breaking into a grin, shaking his head again, this time in awe.

* * *

So that was my big dramatic scene. I hope it was worth the wait, or at least, that it didn't suck too much.

Next chapter: Everything's been so angsty the last few chapters, I'm thinking pointless baby fluff... ;)


	38. Chapter 38

Thanks for the reviews (10!). You _have _been good, which is why I have shameless fluff for you as promised. I'd almost forgotten how much easier angst is to write!

That scene reminded me of WKD when I wrote it too, by the way, that and the cave argument from "House of the Rising Sun". A lot of my scenes remind me of ones from the show -- chapter 1 of "Pale Reflection" reminded me of the Charlie one from "All The Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues".

Speaking of which, it's been interesting (and challenging!), working with a hardcore Skater -- we don't always agree, but we've learned to put our differences aside and focus on the story... ;)

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Chapter 38. On-The-Job Training 

They sat in silence for a long time, adjusting to the news, until Jack slid off the rock, guiding Kate gently to her feet.

"Let's go see Claire," he said, and together, they made their way back to the campsite, to where his sister was resting outside of her tent, cradling a blue-wrapped bundle in her arms.

"How're you feeling?" he asked her, bending to take one of his nephew's tiny hands, and Kate felt a flutter of anticipation as she watched him stroke the baby's fingers lightly with his thumb.

"Good," she replied, beaming up at him. She pressed her lips together, flashing them both an embarrassed smile as she added, "Tired."

"I don't blame you," Jack agreed, dropping his nephew's fist reluctantly, his own hand flying up to scratch his head. "Do you know what you're going to call him yet?" He didn't seem to know what else to say.

"Aaron," she told him after a moment, watching her son with maternal affection. "Aaron Jack Littleton."

"Jack?" he repeated, surprised, and her smile wavered.

"That's okay, isn't it? You don't mind?"

"Mind? I'm flattered," he agreed with a laugh, looking overcome. "But are you sure you really want to do that?"

"You saved us," she said simply, seeming to remember what he'd told her the day she returned. "_Twice_. If you hadn't been here…"

"Someone else would have," he assured her with a modest grin, but he nodded, staring down at the sand to hide the fact that there were tears in his eyes.

"He's beautiful, Claire," Kate piped up to give him time to recover, squeezing his hand as she took in each of baby Aaron's tiny features. Already, she couldn't help wondering what their baby would look like: whether he or she would be as perfectly formed as Claire's. As cousins, they would share at least a quarter of their genes, so it didn't seem like it would be that unlikely. "He's got your eyes."

"I guess he does," Claire agreed, leaning over to study them carefully. "How weird is that?"

As she echoed Claire's grin, Kate tried to imagine a baby with her green eyes, or better yet, Jack's deep brown ones. "I hope he has yours," she whispered, bringing her free hand up to caress the skin beneath her bellybutton, and he smiled.

"Only if _she_ gets your curls… and those cute little freckles," he added in a low murmur against her ear, making her wrinkle her nose and blush.

"I wouldn't wish them on anyone – I've hated them since I was a kid."

"I don't."

When she glanced up at him, he was drinking her in with such intensity that Kate could feel the familiar draw, but before she could lean in, Claire yawned, breaking the tension between them.

"You said the first time I saw you together, I thought you guys were married?" she asked Kate, a coy grin creeping over her features when she flushed again.

"Yeah, you did."

"Huh." Her blue eyes danced with amusement as even Jack coloured a little.

"Guess you were right," he agreed.

"I have a sixth sense for these things," she told them with a smug nod, sounding more and more like the nosy little sister Jack never thought he had, closing her eyes as another yawn ripped through her.

"You should get some rest," Jack suggested, and Kate couldn't tell if this was his honest medical opinion, or he was just trying to get her to change the subject.

"What about the baby?" she asked, her relaxed demeanour gone, as if she thought the Others would try to take her child from her the moment she let down her guard.

"We'll watch him for you," he offered almost shyly, glancing over at Kate, as if to see whether or not she was game.

"You'd do that?" Claire asked, and Kate nodded, giving her an uneasy smile as her eyes strayed down to the newborn. He was so small and breakable, like a living doll: what if she couldn't do it? What if she was just one of those women who weren't cut out for motherhood?

"Sure. We'd love to."

"Okay," Claire agreed slowly, taking her time transferring the baby into her brother's arms, as if she wasn't sure she wanted to let go of him. "Just… just let me know if he needs anything, okay?"

"He'll be fine," Jack assured her, squeezing her shoulder with a comforting smile as he settled his nephew in the crook of one arm. "You just concentrate on feeling better so that you can be there for him when you wake up."

She gave him a grateful smile, fussing with the blanket, kissing her son's tiny cheek before disappearing reluctantly behind the flaps of her tent.

"Poor kid," Jack said when she was gone, leading the way over to his own tent so that they wouldn't disturb her. "It can't be easy for her. If I ever get my hands on that son of a bitch…"

"Are you sure you want a daughter?" Kate asked, laughing at the mental image of him chasing boys off the porch when they turned up for a date. As ludicrous as it was, it was also endearing; she loved the idea of their daughter being a daddy's girl, just like she was before Wayne.

"If we stay here, the only boy we'll have to worry about is her cousin," he reminded her with a fond smile at his nephew, "So we should be okay."

Once they were settled, he broke the spell, offering Aaron to her. "You should hold him," he said, but she shook her head, afraid that she wouldn't share his magic touch. He seemed so comfortable around the baby: it made her feel young and inexperienced by comparison.

"No, he's your nephew – you bond with him," she argued, but he unfolded each of her arms gently, sliding the baby into them, and adjusting them so that he was cradled securely against her chest.

"If we were in the real world, you'd have to take classes at the hospital, right?" he said, leaning back on his hands with a self-satisfied grin when she stared at him, wide-eyed, afraid to move, in case it jolted the baby out of his agreeable mood.

"With a doll," she complained, to hide her fear, and his smile increased.

"Exactly. Think of this as on-the-job training."

She tried to act disgruntled, but the longer she held him, the more accustomed she became to his weight, and the warmth of his tiny body against hers, and before long, she felt comfortable enough shift him so that she could brush his forehead with her lips, breathing in his newborn scent.

"You're gonna be fine," Jack assured her, pushing a stray curl behind her ear as he watched her adoringly, and, forgetting to be stubborn, she grinned at him, appeased.

"Okay, you've proven your point," she agreed, tearing her eyes away from the infant as she prepared to hand him back, but he motioned for her to stay where she was.

"I'm having fun just watching you – the mother of my unborn child with my new nephew," he told her, lowering his voice suggestively as he added, "You've got that maternal glow people talk about – it's kind of sexy."

"Wait until I'm swollen and gassy and leaking in places I don't even want to think about," she said, though secretly, she couldn't wait until their baby was big enough for her to feel. She could imagine lying in her tent with Jack while he talked to it, touching her belly to coax it to respond. "We'll see how sexy you think I am then."

"I'll still think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," he assured her, stroking her cheek with his thumb as he leant over Aaron's head to kiss her, and even though it was corny, she felt herself tear up, maybe because she was hormonal, or maybe, because she could see that he really believed it.

It would have been the perfect family moment, if, when they pulled back, she hadn't noticed Kevin watching them from across the beach, on the outside looking in at the life he should have had, the life she'd promised to him in her vows.

* * *

Next chapter: More angst (especially for Jack!) as Ethan returns... ;) (Oh, and I have plans for Jack and Kevin to bond later in the story...) 


	39. Chapter 39

Talk about a mixed reaction. The four people who reviewed said they enjoyed the fluff, but it doesn't seem to have gone over so well with the rest of you... Oh well, the angst comes back in full force this chapter, so maybe that will be more to your liking.

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Chapter 39. Ethan 

Claire emerged from her tent in time for dinner, and with a disappointed sigh, Kate handed Aaron back to her, missing the feel of him as soon as he left her arms. The eight months until her own baby was born felt like an eternity; as afraid as she was that she wouldn't be able to protect it, after spending the afternoon playing mommy to Claire's, she couldn't wait for it to arrive.

"I can't believe the next baby I deliver is gonna be my own," Jack said, pushing up her shirt, and applying gentle pressure to her abdomen as they lay in her tent that night. She wasn't sure if he was looking for something in particular, or just trying to connect with the baby, but when he was done, he pressed his lips to the bare skin, sending a shiver through her as he covered it again.

"Nervous?" she asked, rolling onto her side, noting his intense look, and he gave her a wry smile as he changed positions with her, settling on his back.

"Are you kidding? I'm breaking into a cold sweat just thinking about it."

"I know I freaked out before, but it's gonna be okay," she assured him, snuggling into his side, getting as close to him as she could while her stomach was still flat. "_We're _gonna be okay."

"Are we?" he pressed, his arms going instinctively around her, but his expression was troubled. "A baby – that's a lot of pressure so early in a relationship." When she didn't respond, knowing that he had a point, he added, embarrassed, "I don't even know what your name was before you got married."

The idea was so absurd that she had to laugh: Kevin hadn't known her first name when they'd gotten married, and now, Jack didn't know her last. "It was Austen," she told him, and he relaxed, comforted. "And I know it's soon – maybe _too_ soon – but I don't think it's so bad if it's something we both want."

He nodded, closing his eyes, and she thought he was asleep until he said, so softly that if she hadn't been lying with her head under his chin, she wouldn't have heard him, "When you told me the baby was ours… Are you really sure, or did you just say it because you wanted it to be true?"

Surprised, and alarmed, she lifted her head, but before she could answer, he rushed on, his voice hoarse, "Even if…" He licked his lips before trying again. "Even if it's… not… it doesn't change the way I feel about you, or the fact that I want us to do this together, I just… I just need to know."

The pain she could hear in his voice made her heart ache for him, enough to convince her to push past her discomfort; lacing her fingers through his, she explained, "I was on my period our last week in Australia, and we only had sex a couple of times after that. I knew if I got pregnant, I'd be stuck as Monica, so I was careful, at least until I found a way to tell Kevin the truth. The night of the crash was the first time in six months that I didn't take it, so yeah, I'm sure."

He nodded, closing his eyes again, and swallowing hard as he dropped his head against the pillow with relief. "I've been thinking," he said when he recovered, "That if we're gonna have a baby together, we should try living together first."

"Isn't that what we're doing?" she asked, confused; since getting together, she could count the number of nights they'd spent apart on one hand.

"I mean really live together," he explained. "No more moving back and forth. The medical supplies are still in my tent, so we could turn that into an infirmary, and…"

"You could move in here with me," she finished, half elated, half terrified by the idea. It was a big step, admitting him into the one sanctuary she had from him, but he was right: it was definitely smaller than having his baby. "Okay," she agreed, and he grinned, sealing the deal with a long, tender kiss. "We'll get your stuff in the morning."

He had to get up early for his shift, and she was tired from hiking to the medical station, so returning her head to his chest, she settled back into him, letting the slow, gentle rhythm of his breathing lull her to sleep. She was so in tune with him now that she stirred when he did, offering, groggily, to keep him company, but he laid his palm over her belly, kissing her and telling her to go back to sleep, and this time, she was too exhausted to argue.

When she woke again, it was morning, the sun streaming in through a chink in the flap. Hearing voices outside, she forced herself to get up, clambering out onto the beach to see if Jack was back yet, but her relief was short-lived when she recognised his look.

"Did something happen out there?" she asked, breaking into his conversation with Sayid. "Did you see one of Them?"

"It was Ethan," he agreed after a long moment, as if he wasn't sure that he wanted to tell her, and Kate felt her breath hitch, her hand flying to her lower belly as panic seized her. "He told me he'd start killing people if we didn't bring Claire back. I don't think he knows she's had the baby."

"Did he say anything else?" she pressed, ashamed at herself for feeling so relieved when he shook his head.

"No."

"So what're we gonna do?" she asked, relaxing now that she knew her own child wasn't in any danger, from Ethan, or any of the Others.

"_We're_ not gonna do anything, Kate," he corrected her, setting his jaw. "Sayid and I'll handle it."

When she opened her mouth to protest, he added, "If we need back up, we'll ask Ana and Kevin."

She knew that he was only trying to protect her, but somehow, this just made her madder, and more determined to help, to prove to him that she could take care of herself. "So that's it?" she retorted, the combination of stress and hormones shortening her already limited fuse. "I don't even get to help plan anymore?"

"You can plan, but that's all," he agreed, and she couldn't help thinking sarcastically how gracious it was of him to give her permission. "This isn't gonna turn into a repeat of yesterday."

Sayid, who had been following the exchange with an air of impatience, cleared his throat then, giving them each a stern look. "If you two are done quarrelling, we should decide how we wish to approach this," he said to Jack, and with a sharp glance at Kate to signal that, as far as he was concerned, the conversation was over, he nodded.

An hour later, he had agreed, with a reluctance bordering on resignation, to let the Iraqi use Claire as bait so that they could capture and interrogate Ethan. Seeing the grim determination in his eyes as he related the plan to his sister, Kate couldn't help wondering if his acceptance had come as much from his need to protect their own baby as it had Claire's.

Once Claire was on board, Sayid handed out weapons to Jack, Kevin, Ana and Locke, tucking a fifth knife into his belt, and Kate felt herself grown increasingly incensed. She had more reason to hear what Ethan had to say than any of them, even Jack; giving him a cool look, she stormed over to the Iraqi, holding out her hand as she asked, "Do you have one of those for me?"

He looked conflicted, offering her his own knife, but Jack snatched it out of his hand before she could take it, his eyes flashing angrily as he snapped, "She's not coming."

When she continued to stare him down, defiant, he added, loudly enough for everyone around them to hear, "I mean it, Kate – this is not a discussion. I don't want you putting yourself or our baby in danger."

Seeming to realise what he'd said, he averted his eyes, embarrassed, massaging his forehead with his palm. Ana and Claire were staring at them, open mouthed, while Locke and Sayid pretended not to have heard. Only Kevin was unsurprised by this announcement, though Kate saw a flicker of pain pass through his eyes at the realisation that Jack wanted the baby as much as he did.

Not wanting to make more of a scene than they already had, she sighed, backing down.

"If you wanna do something to help, you can take Aaron," Jack said, softening towards her once he was satisfied that he'd won the argument. Taking his nephew from Claire, he transferred him into a beach towel and handed him to Kate, fashioning a decoy baby that he then passed to his sister. "All set," he said with a nervous grin, kissing Kate's cheek before leading the way into the jungle.

With each moment that passed, Kate grew more and more anxious, and not even Aaron could provide her much comfort. Libby came and sat with her after a while, following her gaze to the tree line, but they didn't talk, keeping watch in silence.

Kevin was the first to reappear, looking grim. Libby jumped to her feet and ran at him; his eyes widened with surprise as he accepted her hug, walking alongside her as he filled her in on his adventure.

Watching them, Kate felt a pang, not so much for Kevin, but for Jack, who still hadn't come out. Her stomach knotted with fear as Locke strode out of the jungle next, with Claire clutching Aaron's blanket at his side, then Sayid, and finally, Ana, supporting Jack, who appeared to be in shock.

Half shoving the baby into Claire's arms, Kate sprinted over to them, ducking under his other arm as she studied his face. It was pale, almost colourless; his eyes disturbingly blank.

"Is he okay? What happened?" she asked Ana, but it was Jack who answered, looking stunned, as if the truth hadn't quite sunk in.

"Ethan… I… I killed him."

* * *

Poor Charlie, I've given a lot of his storylines to Jack, but in this fic, it just makes sense that Jack would be the one to do it.

Next chapter: More on what happened in the jungle, and Claire confronts Jack about why he reacted the way he did... ;)


	40. Chapter 40

Thanks for the reviews to those who took the time, although I may have to start threating the rest of you with a Kate/Kevin reunion. It seems to work for other writers! I'm glad no one thought Jack killing Ethan was a stretch. (Before anyone points it out, yes, the first part of this chapter reminded me of Through the Looking-Glass too!)

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Chapter 40. Why? 

"Ethan… I… I killed him."

Kate felt sick at Jack's words, unable to reconcile them with what was happening, not even when she noticed the blood on his hands. Jack wasn't a killer. What was it that her father would have said? He didn't have murder in his heart, not like her.

She glanced helplessly at Ana, desperate for an explanation, but the other woman just nodded in grim agreement. She wasn't sure what to do, so, taking over from her, she steered him towards her tent, _their_ tent, she remembered with a pang, sitting him down as she set to work cleaning him up.

He didn't move as she dabbed at the blood on his knuckles; there wasn't much, and some of it was his own, making her wonder how he'd done it. His knife was gone, but he could have lost it in the struggle; she tried not to imagine it buried to the hilt in Ethan's chest.

"Did he hurt you?" she asked, peeling off his bloody shirt so that she could check him over for injuries, but she couldn't find so much as a bruise. Physically, he seemed fine; she wished she could say the same for the rest of him.

He didn't seem capable of speech beyond his brief confession, still stuck in the dream like state she knew all too well; glancing over at Ana, who was hovering nearby, she repeated, more forcefully this time, "_What_ happened?"

"I dunno," she said, shaking her head as she tore her eyes away from him. "He just… lost it. Started beating the crap out of him when he wouldn't talk. Sayid tried to pull him off, but it was like he was possessed or something. I guess he musta hit him one too many times, because the next thing we knew, Ethan was dead."

Listening to her description, Kate shuddered, finding it difficult to imagine the sweet, gentle man she knew doing something so violent, so… savage. She wished, not for the first time, that she could've been there with him. Maybe she could've done something to stop him.

Ana shifted her attention back to Jack, looking fearful as she asked, "Do you think he's gonna be all right? Killing someone… it's a lot to live with."

For a moment, Kate wondered if she was speaking from experience, but she shook the thought off, reminding herself that Ana was a cop. She must have spent a lot of time around killers. "I don't know," she agreed with a grateful smile, touched by her concern. Whether or not her feelings were romantic, it was clear that she cared about him. "I hope so."

God, I hope so, she added to herself as, with one final glance at Jack, Ana left them, afraid that with that one action, the man she loved had disappeared forever, replaced by this sad shell of a human being. He was a healer: he would never recover from taking someone's life, no matter how necessary it had seemed at the time. Her only comfort was that, of all the people on the island, she was one of the few who could honestly say that she knew what he was going through.

He didn't move from the spot she'd placed him in all afternoon, remaining there, like a statue, well into the night. She couldn't get more than a few words out of him, even after the shock began to wear off, and he wouldn't touch his food, not even when she only half jokingly offered to feed him.

He wouldn't sleep either, so, around midnight, with Libby's help, she managed to sedate him, and eventually, he was drowsy enough to let her lead him into their tent. Needing something normal to do, she'd moved his stuff across earlier; undressing him like a child, she folded his clothes and put them into a pile with the others she need to sort through, helping him into bed, and laying down beside him so that their faces were only inches apart.

"Why did you do it, Jack?" she asked softly, now that his guards were coming down, stroking his cheek as she watched his eyelids flutter, fighting sleep.

He turned away from her, and she was sure that he wasn't going to answer, until he said, swallowing hard, "I couldn't let him hurt Claire again… or you."

A lump formed in her throat, and instead of anger or fear or disgust, she felt an overwhelming surge of love for him. He'd done what no one else in her life had ever tried to do: he'd gone out of his way to protect her, and it had cost him dearly. She wasn't even sure she deserved it.

Taking his shoulder, she pulled him towards her, guiding his eyes back to hers. "It's okay," she told him, wrapping her arms around him, and while he resisted at first, slowly, he allowed himself to sink into her embrace.

"It's okay," she repeated, pressing soothing kisses to his face, his neck, his jaw, adding, as the first sob wracked him, "Hey, she's fine, I'm fine, the baby's fine. We're all safe now because of you." She wasn't sure she believed it, but she needed him to.

"Forgive me," he choked out, and she hugged him tighter, so tight that it almost hurt.

"No, because you didn't do anything wrong," she told him, cupping the sides of his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her so that he could see how serious she was. "You were just protecting your family." She could have been speaking about herself; with a tearful nod, he dropped his head against her shoulder, too worn out to argue with her.

"Thank you," she whispered, stroking his hair, and kissing him again, but he'd succumbed to the medication, his eyes closed, his lips slightly parted, looking peaceful for the first time since he'd left to take up his shift.

* * *

The next morning was better, with Jack leaving tent at sunrise to resume his rounds, but there was a darkness to him that hadn't been there before. He seemed older and sadder, and more introspective, and when he disappeared into the jungle without a word during breakfast, Kate knew it was to bury Ethan.

She wanted to go with him, to stand beside him at the graveside while he tried to make sense of what he'd done, but he'd made it clear by his silence that it was something he needed to do alone. She was afraid that if she pushed, he'd withdraw from her again, and she'd lose him forever, and she couldn't, not when she needed him to be okay.

He was gone a long time, busying himself with practical tasks when he returned, not seeming to want to make idle conversation with anyone, even Kate. He chopped wood for the signal fire, finished setting up the infirmary and arranging the medicines, and tended the usual scrapes and bruises brusquely, anything to avoid her and Claire, who seemed confused by his sudden coldness towards her.

Kate could see her watching him from across the campsite, waiting for him to check on her and Aaron, but this was the one house call he didn't seem to want to make, forcing her to seek him out herself.

It wasn't until dinner that she seemed to work up the nerve to confront him, ambushing him outside the tent that he now shared with Kate, when it was too dark for him to find an excuse not to speak to her.

"I wanted to ask you something," she began, hovering beside him, as if unsure of whether or not she should sit down. Shifting her weight, she seemed to decide that it would be best to remain standing, towering over him in a way that, on anyone else, would have been intimidating.

"Is it about Aaron?" he asked, seemingly annoyed by her intrusion into his thoughts. "Because he's fine, Claire – exceptionally healthy."

"No, it's about you, actually," she continued, standing her ground, though Kate could tell by the way she was fidgeting with Aaron's blanket that she was uncomfortable.

"What about me?" he asked, feigning ignorance, but he seemed to know, or at least, suspect, what she was going to say, glancing down at his plate to avoid looking at her.

"Why is it that every time I turn around, you're there, looking after me, _protecting_ me? Is it because you feel sorry for me, or is there some other reason you're not telling me? Some reason you think you have to treat me differently to everyone else?"

Her eyes were flashing with the same Shephard stubbornness Kate had seen on Jack, making them look more alike than ever; he met them with resignation, and Kate was sure that he was going to blurt out the whole story, until he ducked into their tent, causing her to exchange a confused look with Claire.

When he reappeared, he was holding the diary, and understanding dawned her: he was going to tell her the same way she'd told him. "Do you remember what this is?" he asked, offering it to her.

Claire gave him an incredulous look as she reached out to take it. "Yeah, it's my diary – I've been looking for it since Aaron was born. Did you take it out of my bag? Did you _read_ it?" she added, affronted.

Jack let out a hollow sound that almost passed for a laugh. "No, I didn't read it, Claire," he assured her. "But I did see the article you've been carrying around – the one about your father. Christian Shephard."

It was evident that her father was a sore point with her; her indignation increased as she tucked the diary into the folds of Aaron's blanket, giving him a cool look. "I don't see how that's any of your business."

"It's my business," he said dully, swallowing, as he prepared to utter the words that would change both of their lives forever, "because he was my father too."

* * *

Yes, I'm mean, cutting it off there, but next chapter, we'll see Claire's reaction, and some bonding. I'm also toying with the idea of a conversation between Kate and Kevin, but what direction that takes may depend on reviews... ;)

By the way, if anyone's wondering why I had Kate say "thank you" to Jack (it may have seemed a little weird), it's because she killed Wayne to protect her mother (at least as far as we know), and Diane never acknowledged that. So I figured Kate would relate to Jack's need not only for forgiveness, but for some sign that she appreciated what he did for her, rather than the contempt that her mother showed her.


	41. Chapter 41

Sorry to leave you all hanging like that -- after I posted the last chapter, I decided to go visit my brother and his girlfriend, kind of a spurr of the moment thing, so I haven't had time to write. I don't know when I'll get to update again -- hopefully before the end of the week.

This is probably going to incite a few flames, but for the record, while I was kidding about Kate and Kevin getting back together, he will be around (and probably jealous), because, as the summary suggests, he's an integral part of this fic. I have altered my plan to avoid alientating those of you who are sick of the love triangle, but to resolve it, I'd have to end it, and I don't think you want that, not when I've still got some interesting things planned... ;)

* * *

Chapter 41. Confessions

"What are you saying?" Claire asked, losing her disgruntled look in favour of one of confused disbelief. "My father _was_ your father? You mean he's not anymore?"

"No," Jack agreed, looking wary, as if he couldn't deal with his grief, or Claire's, after Ethan. "He died in Sydney. That's why I was on the plane – I was taking his body back to L.A."

Clearly, Kate thought, it was too much for her to take in; opening her mouth, then closing it again, Claire sank onto a piece of wreckage, staring down at Aaron as she considered the implications of what he'd just told her. "If your father was my father, then that makes you my…"

"Half brother," Jack finished for her, and she turned her attention back on him, surveying him as if seeing him for the first time.

"I knew he had another family, but I never really thought about it," she confessed, and Jack tore his eyes away from hers, looking guilty, as he stared out towards the ocean. "I guess I didn't want to know."

"Finding out my dad had an affair hasn't been a picnic for me either," he agreed, offering her a tiny, genuine smile as he added, "but you know what Claire? I'm not sorry he did, because it means I've got a sister and a nephew here, and that's more than most people have." He glanced over at Kate, squeezing her hand, to let her know that he was just as grateful to his father for bringing her into his life, her and their future son or daughter.

Returning his smile, she couldn't help noting how much the actions of a man she would never meet had altered the course of her own life, and countless others'. If Christian hadn't gone to Australia to make amends with his daughter, then Jack would have stayed in the U.S., and in all likelihood, he and Kate would never have met. She would have been reunited with Kevin once the two groups collided and the baby she was carrying would have been his. It would have been easier, at least in the short term; she could have gone on pretending, without having to hurt anyone, but it would have been a lie…

She was rallied out of her thoughts when Claire's voice rose shrilly, as an unpleasant idea occurred to her. "So when you… killed… Ethan, that wasn't just about Kate… that was about Aaron and I as well?"

Jack's hand went slack in Kate's, and he slipped it free, as he averted his gaze, seemingly afraid that Claire wouldn't see it the way he did, that she would be as disgusted by him as he'd expected Kate to be.

"It wasn't just about Kate," he admitted softly, his expression earnest, "but it wasn't just about you either. I know if _he_ was… alive, he'd want me to take care of you too – you _and_ Aaron." He licked his lips, looking less sure of himself as he went on, "He spent my whole life grooming me, forcing me to grow up and be a man, a _better_ man than he was – what else would he want me to do with that than succeed at the one thing he never had the guts for?"

Claire was nodding as she listened to him pouring his heart out to her, too overwhelmed to respond; Kate could see the tears shining in her eyes when she asked, hesitating, as if afraid of the answer, "What was he like? Christian? Our dad?"

"He was a lousy father," Jack began after a moment's deliberation, trying to be honest, but fair so that Claire would know him as he had, "but he tried. I think he wanted the same things most parents want for their kids, he just didn't know how to show it…"

Taking this as her cue to leave them, Kate pushed herself to her feet, letting their voices recede into the background as she wandered down to the water. Stepping into the surf, she closed her eyes, her hand drifting experimentally to the skin where her jeans didn't quite meet her shirt as she let the waves, and the breeze wash over her, until a voice at her ear made her tense.

"We need to talk."

"No, Kevin, we don't," she argued, the gentleness in his tone, and in his eyes when she looked at him, wrenching her heart. Why couldn't he be a pig like Wayne? If he'd beaten her, or treated her like a dog, she could have left him without looking back, even if she was certain that the baby was his.

"Then I'll talk, because I need to ask you something," he insisted, still in the same husky murmur, and she sighed, knowing that he wasn't going to give up until she let him finish.

"So ask," she agreed, trying her best not to let him see that he was getting to her. She didn't want him to get his hopes up again, not when it looked like his relationship with Libby was progressing. He needed to let go, and so did she. "You're going to whether I like it or not, so why don't we just get it over with?"

He looked taken aback by this, but he inhaled and pushed on, determined to get a straight answer this time. "If you're so sure the baby's Jack's, why'd it take you two days to tell him you were pregnant?"

She wasn't sure if Jack and Claire were ready for their relationship to become common knowledge, and she didn't want to reopen old wounds by reminding him that she and Jack hadn't been together that long, so she decided that his reaction spoke volumes. "Because I knew he'd freak out," she explained, and he brightened, until she added, "You saw what he did to Ethan. No matter how much he wanted it, he was never gonna be thrilled, not after what happened to Claire."

His whole demeanour changed, and he swallowed, setting his jaw; she was sure that he was going to try a different tactic, to accuse Jack of being unstable, or unfit, but instead, he said, "I froze," his eyes dark with suppressed torment.

"What do you mean, "You froze"?" she asked, confused, wondering if he was referring to the conversation they'd had the day she found out that she was pregnant, when she'd run from him, and he hadn't come after her.

"Ethan," he explained miserably, silently begging her forgiveness for what he was about to confess. "I had him, in the jungle, but I froze. I let him go. I wish I could say I would've killed him to keep you safe – you and the baby – but I didn't. I couldn't. I let him do it – Jack."

He was close to tears, ashamed and guilty, probably for the first time in his life, at being the nice guy, the _nicer_ guy. "I'm so sorry, Kate. If that was my kid, and something happened to you… I'm not even sure I deserve to be a father – not in a place like this," he finished bitterly, shaking his head.

She wasn't sure what she was going to say, but when she opened her mouth to comfort him, reaching instinctively for his arm, he jerked it away, disappearing into the darkness between fires, and from the race, it seemed, for good.

* * *

Next chapter: I'm tying up loose ends at the moment so that I can skip ahead to later in Kate's pregnancy (I think I mentioned Juliet!), so if there's anything you think I should address, let me know... ;)


	42. Chapter 42

Thanks for the reviews. Sorry it took me so long to update, but it's been a crazy week, and this chapter was hard to write with the time transition and all. Hopefully it'll take things in an interesting new direction, though... ;)

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Chapter 42. False Security 

"I saw you talking to Kevin before," Jack said later, a hint of accusation in his tone, as he and Kate extinguished their fire and prepared to go to bed. They were the last ones up; Claire had turned in after putting Aaron down, afraid to leave him alone in her tent, even though it was only a few feet from Jack and Kate's. "What did he want?"

He was trying to keep his voice even, reasonable, but, by the way he was watching her out of the corner of his eye as he scraped off their plates, stowing them inside the tent, his disapproval couldn't be more obvious.

"Nothing," she told him uncomfortably, not wanting to get into another fight with him, especially about Kevin. She was sick of fighting with him, sick of having to reassure him. "We were just talking."

It was the truth, but it wasn't until the words were out of her mouth that she realised how loaded they would sound. "What did he say, Kate?" he pressed, dropping all pretence of casualness as he straightened to meet her eyes, taking hold of her wrist so that she would be forced to look at him.

"He just… he told me what happened with Ethan," she explained, tensing as she tried to anticipate his reaction, whether he was going to blow up, or fall apart on her again.

He managed to keep himself under control, but just barely. "Great," he said with a bitter laugh that was almost manic, letting go of her arm as he reached up to run his fingers over his hair. "So now he's trying to convince you that I'm some kind of violent criminal, who could snap and do that to you or our kid."

"It wasn't like that," she told him defensively, resenting the implication that she couldn't make her own judgments. "He agrees with what you did – said he wished he'd done it."

When Jack fell silent, too stunned to speak, she added, "He's giving up, Jack – at least I think he is – so you can cut the crap, okay? I'm not Sarah – I'm not going anywhere, not with Kevin, or anyone else, and if I do, it'll be because I'm sick being in the middle of this. You _have_ to trust me, or else how do you expect this to work?" Gripping his larger hand in hers, she placed it over her middle, stopping to catch her breath once he looked suitably ashamed.

"I'm sorry, Kate," he agreed, tracing delicate patterns with his thumb as he glanced down at their hands, connected over the baby, but he didn't apologise like she was expecting him to. "It just… it all happened so fast – you can't blame me for thinking there might still be feelings there… Not just on his side."

"No, but I _can_ blame you for thinking I would hurt you like that," she reminded him, softening as she confessed, "I can't lie and say I don't still feel something for him, but it's not the same. The thought of never seeing him again doesn't tear me up inside – not the way it should. Not the way it does when I think of not being with you."

His eyes drifted back to hers, boring into them, searching for signs of dishonesty; once he was satisfied that she was telling the truth, he nodded, his voice coming out low and hoarse as he said, "I can't do that again – lose any more people I love." Wrapping his hand around hers, he lifted it to his lips, kissing her palm. "Maybe it's selfish, but I'd do anything to keep that from happening."

As he replaced their hands, she moved in closer to him, settling against him while he looped his free arm around her waist. "I know," she agreed, feeling safe for the first time in a long time, in spite of everything that was happening. "I know."

* * *

With Ethan gone, the ominous feeling that had haunted Kate since the beginning of her pregnancy disappeared too, and she found that she enjoyed it, more than she'd ever thought she would. There was the morning sickness that Claire warned had her about, and later, the backaches, and the swelling, and the cravings she couldn't satisfy, but each time she felt the baby shift inside her, letting her know that it was there and it was thriving, she forgot her discomfort, and thanked whatever God had made her careless enough to forget she was off the pill. 

Even though the threat had diminished, Jack seemed reluctant to leave her alone, following her into the jungle when she slipped off to be sick. It was during one of these outings that they'd stumbled across Locke and Boone battering at a hatch door, and after discovering a second entrance and a button, Hatch duty had come to replace the nightly watch.

No one bothered to schedule Kate a shift, pregnancy being the ultimate Get Out Jail Free card for everything from hunting to laundry, but she made a point of visiting Jack if he was on during the day, so that she could take a hot shower and curl up with him on the bunk. At more than eight months pregnant, it was getting harder for them both to fit, but as cramped as it was, she liked the security of knowing that he was right there beside her, holding her while she slept. He didn't seem to mind it either, talking softly to the baby when he thought she couldn't hear him, his stubble tickling her skin as he pressed feather light kisses to her bump. As hard as he'd tried not to, he'd fallen completely in love with it, claiming it as his, even without proof, though she sometimes wondered if he still doubted it.

She'd barely spoken to Kevin since that night on the beach, all of her free time tied up with Jack, while he spent his with Libby. They were so private that she couldn't tell if they were together: sometimes they held hands while they walked around the campsite, and in the evenings, Libby would rest her head on his shoulder, listening to him talk, but they were never openly affectionate, not like the other couples. She'd thought about asking Libby, but somehow, this seemed inappropriate, so most days, she let her friend steer the conversation towards her and Jack.

He was in the Hatch until dinner; pushing herself to her feet with more difficulty than she'd ever thought possible, she made her way along the path, frustrated by how cumbersome even the most basic of movements had become. She hated having to wait for Jack to help her out of bed in the morning, and not being able to contribute to the camp, even to pick her own fruit. She was used to being useful: sitting back while other people took care of everything wasn't in her nature.

Halfway there, she stopped, tensing when her ears were met by a series of muffled sounds. Voices, low in argument, as if afraid of being overheard, told her that there were at least two people out there; she reached for a branch, preparing to strike back if she had to, dropping it hastily when Sawyer came striding out of the trees, buttoning his jeans, a similarly dishevelled Ana behind him.

She had the grace to blush, averting her eyes, when she saw Kate staring at them, but Sawyer smirked, taking his time replacing his shirt. "Don't look so shocked there, Freckles," he said, affording her a full view of his naked chest. "I ain't a genius like your boyfriend, but somethin' tells me you didn't get that way holdin' his hand."

It was Kate's turn to blush, shifting her gaze straight ahead, to where she needed to go. "Yeah, well, you better watch out, or you'll be next," she retorted, half to him, half to Ana, continuing on her way before he could see how embarrassed she was, first at catching him with Ana, then at his suggestive comments. It was true, she was no virgin, but it was none of his business, any more than whatever he was doing with Ana was hers.

It was worse than living in a dorm, or what she imagined living in a dorm would be like, sometimes, the constant fear of walking in one something she wasn't meant to see; the next time she heard a rustle in the jungle, she decided to ignore it, in case Sayid and Shannon, or Charlie and Claire, or worse, Kevin and Libby, had decided to slip off for a little alone time as well.

She was almost at the Hatch when felt something prick her neck; reaching around to find out what bit her, she was stunned when her fingers closed around a two-inch long metallic dart. Her legs were beginning to feel heavy; stopping, she pulled it out, staring at it as her vision began to swim.

"Jack!" she cried, knowing that as close as he was, he wouldn't be able to hear her through all that concrete. "Sawyer… Ana…" but her voice was barely above a whisper, her head too foggy for her to be sure that the sounds she was making were actual words.

Afraid of hurting the baby if she fell, she staggered to the nearest tree for support, but it wasn't enough to keep her from hitting the ground with a heavy thud.

Please don't let Them take it, was her last coherent thought as she began to lose consciousness, the world going dark as something scratchy, like Hessian, was dragged over her head, dozens of unfamiliar hands picking her up off the jungle floor.

* * *

Hope you didn't mind me glossing over the Hatch, but there're a ton of fics focusing on it, and it's kind of a diversion since it has nothing to do with the Others or the island pregnancy stuff (which I will address in upcoming chapters).

Next chapter: Juliet! And then, in chapter 44, I'm going to break formula and give you the long-awaited Jack and Kevin bonding!


	43. Chapter 43

Thanks for the reviews. Those stinkin' bastards indeed!

I know the Sana was pointless, but it made me laugh, and besides, it was set up as one of those moments in a horror movie where a cat jumps out, and the protagonist nearly has a coronary, only to relax in time for the real killer to attack...

Skip this if it doesn't interest you, but I did some research, and while determining the D.O.C is possible (By measuring the length of the foetus during the first trimester as on the show, or more commonly, by using the start date of a woman's last period to figure out when ovulation occured), it's rarely one hundred per cent accurate, not unless the mother's sexual activity was severly limited at the time! Given the right information, though, it's close enough, since it can peg it by a couple of days... ;)

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Chapter 43. Juliet 

Kate woke to an unpleasant sensation she'd hoped never to feel again: she was handcuffed; only it wasn't just her arms that were restricted this time. She tried to sit up, but her hands were chained to the railings of the bed, the cold metal slicing into her wrists each time she tugged.

"Welcome back, Kate," a voice said; abandoning her attempts to free herself, she turned to see a blonde woman with piercing blue eyes watching her from across the room.

"Who are you?" she asked, panicking when she noticed the clipboard in her hand; a quick glance at her bare, unblemished abdomen assured her that her baby was safe, for now, at least. She could feel it moving inside her, beating an erratic rhythm on her insides with its feet, and she imagined that it was as terrified as she was.

"I'm Juliet," the woman said, standing up and approaching the bed.

"Juliet – is that like Cher?" she retorted, annoyed by the vagueness of this answer, surprised when Juliet cracked a tiny smile.

"We don't use last names here," she explained, returning her attention to what Kate guessed must be her chart. "It's not really necessary."

"Where's here?" she pressed, earning herself a slightly incredulous look.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you that," Juliet said as she put the chart down and started checking the monitors around her bed. The closest one was connected to her stomach by a wide band, and she could hear the faint blip of the baby's heartbeat in the background. "All I can tell you is that you're safe." Juliet smiled, her eyes remaining glacial, like coloured glass. "You and your baby are in good hands."

Frustrated, Kate jerked on the cuffs again, but they were as sturdy as ever. "If you want me to feel safe, let me go, or can't you do that either?" she demanded, but Juliet remained as calm as if they were in a hospital room, instead of a secret facility on an undiscovered island.

If they were even still on the island, she realised with a jolt of fear.

"No, Kate, I can't, because we're not done with you yet."

Her words sounded so ominous that Kate wanted to burst into tears, but she had to stay strong, for the baby. It was counting on her to get them both out of there. "Why did you bring me here?" she asked, her voice quivering as she tried to suppress her terror. "What do you want from me?"

"We just want to make sure you and your baby are okay," Juliet insisted, sitting down on a stool by the bed when it became clear that Kate wasn't going to let her examine her.

"That's why when you took Claire, you injected her with something," Kate reminded her to show her that she wasn't naive enough to be won over with false assurances. She wasn't going to give her permission to do the same to her, no matter how positively she tried to spin it.

"That was for her own good," Juliet agreed, just like she'd expected, but she didn't offer any explanation as to how.

Seemingly tired of their circular argument, she went back to preparing the equipment, making no move to hide what she was doing as she filled a syringe.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Kate announced, surprising herself; she'd opened her mouth to ask what it was, but the words came of their own accord. When Juliet turned back to her, raising a pale eyebrow, she added, pushing herself up onto her elbows as best as she could, "You have to uncuff me."

"I'm under strict orders not to do that," Juliet told her, returning to her work.

"For my own good, right?" Kate shot back, but she felt the superior look disappear from her face when Juliet replied, "No, for mine. We know who you are, Kate. We know what you did. In fact, we know pretty much everything about you. We even know that Sam Austen isn't your biological father."

She seemed to be expecting a reaction, so Kate forced her expression to remain neutral, refusing to rise to the bait. "So're you gonna let me go, or do I have to pee myself right here?"

"There's a bedpan in the corner," Juliet told her, her lips quirking with amusement. "I can get it for you if you want."

Seeing that she wasn't going to release her, even for a moment, Kate shook her head. She was pretty sure that she would have said no even if she really had needed to go.

"I didn't think so," Juliet agreed with a slight smirk, sobering as she added, "Now I need you to do us both a favour and lie still while I conduct an exam. If you don't, I'm gonna have to tranc you again," She gestured to the syringe, "and that's not gonna be good for the baby the second time around, not while there's still traces of it in your system."

Kate could tell by the look in her eyes that she wasn't bluffing; knowing that she had no choice, not if she wanted to remain in control of her faculties, and protect her baby from further harm, she settled back against the mattress, tensing as Juliet wrapped a cuff around her bicep.

"You're going to have to relax," she said as she began taking measurements, which was easier said than done under the circumstances. "Blood pressure's a little high," she added with an ironic smile, "But I guess that's to be expected."

As she went on checking her general health, Kate couldn't help noting how surreal the situation was. If it weren't for the cuffs that held her in place, she would have sworn she was back in the real world, visiting an OBGYN. Juliet seemed to know what she was doing; as she filled in the spaces on her chart, Kate recognised some of the terms Jack had used when he examined her.

Jack, she remembered with a pang, wondering if he'd returned to the beach to find her missing yet. She had no idea what time it was; there was a window behind Juliet, but it was covered with a thick curtain, making it impossible to determine whether or not the sun was still out.

"Everything looks good – I'm gonna do a sonogram now, so if you're done fighting me, you might wanna watch," Juliet said, breaking into her thoughts.

Focusing her attention back on her, Kate watched her wheel another monitor towards her, hooking it up beside the one that was keeping track of the baby's heartbeat, gelling her stomach before setting the wand gently but firmly against it.

"That's your son, right there," she said after a moment, grinning as she traced the string of pearls that made up the baby's spine with her index finger.

"It's a boy?" Kate asked, despite her resolve to remain uncooperative, her breath hitching as she propped herself up again to get a better view. Jack had been so sure that it was a girl, but she'd never agreed with him, not since she'd decided that she wanted a child that looked exactly like him.

"Unless that's an unusually big toe," Juliet agreed with a smile, pressing a few buttons, and printing something out.

"And he's healthy?" Kate checked, anxious to hear what Jack had been unable to tell her, in spite of his best efforts. "Whatever They shot me with to get me here, it didn't hurt him?"

"He's perfect, Kate," Juliet assured her, studying the pages in her hand. "If everything goes smoothly, my guess is that you'll be able to hold him in about two or three weeks."

She smiled again, and Kate couldn't help wondering if this was another lie to keep her complacent. From what Claire had said, They had no intention of letting her anywhere near him after he was born. She would be lucky if she even got to see him before they took him away.

"You can tell when I'm due?" she asked, trying to count back in her head, but too much time had passed without a calendar; she wasn't even sure of the date.

"That was just an estimate, based on the size of the foetus, but if you tell me the exact date your last period started, and how long your cycle is on average, I can narrow it down to a couple of days."

"Can you do the same for… you know… the conception date?" Kate asked once she'd answered this as best as she could, trying not to sound too eager in case Juliet figured out why she wanted to know and found a way to use it against her.

"Unless it was the only time you had sex during that period, it won't be exact," Juliet explained as she began scribbling in the margin's of Kate's chart, making calculations, and Kate's heart sunk, disappointed, until she added, "But provided the information you gave me is correct, I should be able to limit it to forty-eight hours either side."

These words filled Kate with new hope; not wanting to disrupt her, in case she made a mistake, she waited with baited breath as Juliet finished her equation, announcing when she was done, "Unless I got it wrong, your EDD – that's Estimated Due Date – is June twenty-first, 2005, which puts the Date of Conception around…" She consulted her notes. "…September twenty-eighth, 2004 – a week after your plane crashed."

That was the night that she and Jack had consummated their relationship; Kate breathed a sigh of relief, wishing that he were there to hear that all of their worry had been for nothing. He was going to have a son. _They _were going to have a son.

In spite of the fact that she was one of Them, and consequently, the enemy, she wanted to hug Juliet for delivering the news she'd prayed for for so long, but before she could get too excited, the blonde woman frowned.

"That can't be right," she murmured, taking out a calculator and revising her calculations, her movements becoming increasingly agitated as they came out the same.

"Why not?" Kate pressed, refusing to accept that what she knew in her heart wasn't true.

Tearing her eyes from the clipboard, Juliet looked up at her, stunned. "Because if it is, then both of you should be dead."

* * *

Next chapter: Jack returns to the beach... and the Kevin bonding begins! Then, in chapter 45, Juliet's explanation as to why Kate should be dead, and mine as to why she isn't, since, as I know you're all going to start asking again, there's nothing wrong with Juliet's calculations! ;) 


	44. Chapter 44

Thanks for the reviews. I apologise to anyone who got the alert for chapter 44 early -- that was an accident that happened while I was trying to replace chapter 43 to get rid of some typos!

String of pearls... I wish I came up with that, but I'm pretty it's something I heard a long time ago and filed away.;)

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Chapter 44. How Can You Say That? 

Jack was so used to Kate's appearances at the Hatch that he was surprised when, by the end of his shift, she'd failed to materialise, but he managed to convince himself that she'd decided to nap at the beach, rather than walk the half a mile into the jungle. Since entering the final months of her pregnancy, she'd become increasingly sluggish, a state of affairs that filled him with secret relief, because it meant that she no longer insisted on going on hikes or hunts or other potentially dangerous missions.

He couldn't see her talking to any of the other survivors when he reached camp, so he headed straight for their tent, expecting to find her there, asleep, or with a book, but it was empty, the flaps swinging desolately in his wake.

Maybe she just went for a walk, he tried to tell himself, but he couldn't see how, if she was too tired to come to the Hatch, she'd been able to get far enough away from the campsite to disappear.

"Has anyone seen Kate?" he asked the group gathered around the pantry, making preparations for dinner, taking a deep, calming breath to keep from overreacting, but he felt his heart tighten as one by one they each shook their heads.

"You mean she ain't with you?" Sawyer replied from where he was sitting on the bench, skinning a mango, looking genuinely stunned when Jack stared back at him, bewildered.

"Why would she be with me?" he pressed, unable to keep the sharpness from his tone as his insides seized with fear.

Sawyer opened his mouth, then closed it again, seeming to realise how badly Jack was going to take whatever it was that he intended to say.

"We saw her, on the path to the Hatch, a coupla hours ago." Ana cleared her throat, her cheeks tinged faintly with pink as she appeared from somewhere behind Jack. "Guess she never made it," she added with a sympathetic look.

A couple of the others raised their eyebrows at her, apparently curious as to what the two of them were doing together in the jungle, but Jack couldn't think about anything except what she'd just told him. Kate had left for the Hatch, but never arrived, which could only mean…

"Damn it!" he cried, driving the heel of his palm into one of the bamboo poles, making the whole structure shake. He wanted to tear it all down, to lash out at everyone who saw her leave and didn't try to stop her, but none of it was the best target for his fury, not like Them.

They were the ones who wouldn't leave his family alone.

Turning on his heel, he marched back into the jungle without another word, reaching the Hatch in record time. Ignoring Locke, who was sitting at the computer, he dialled in the combination and strode purposefully into the armoury, surveying the weapons lining the walls. He didn't know which one would be the most effective, so he settled for the biggest, meanest looking riffle he could find, hoping that it, if nothing else, it would show the Others that he was done playing games.

Slamming the door once it was fully loaded, he realised that he had no idea how to find Them, or even if They were still on the island, but he had to do _something_, _anything_. He couldn't just stand by while They took what was without a doubt the best thing that had ever happened to him. He didn't even care if They killed him: Kate was everything that mattered to him, her and their baby; without them, there was nothing worth living for.

He was on his way out when he ran into Kevin, hovering uncomfortably in the concrete hallway. "Jack?" he said, eyeing the gun in his hand.

"Not now, Kevin," he snapped, irritated by the pain in the other man's expression, as if he could possibly understand what it felt like to lose her. He was pretty sure that if he stayed, Kevin was going to give him another guilt trip, and he couldn't deal with that now, not while he was already beating himself up for encouraging Kate to leave the safety of the beach. And for what? So that he could spend a few extra minutes with her. "I'm kind of busy."

"I know," Kevin agreed, pushing past him to the armoury, which was still unlocked, and plucking a rifle from one of the brackets on the wall. "I'm coming with you." Loading it with surprising dexterity, he swung it across his back, shooting Jack a look that told him that he wasn't going to take no for an answer. "You can waste time arguing, or you can accept the fact that two guns're gonna get you a hell of a lot further than one."

Seeing the determination in his eyes, Jack nodded, desperate to get moving before they lost what little light they had. They wouldn't make much progress after dark.

They left the Hatch in silence, heading into the jungle in the opposite direction to the beach.

"Any idea where these bastards live?" Kevin asked after they'd walked for almost ten minutes with no clue as to where they were going.

"No," he agreed, wondering if he was going to insist that they go back until they could formulate a better plan, but he didn't, setting his jaw as he said, "Then we'll just have to go over the whole island until we find Them."

He seemed so ready to risk his life for Kate, and a child that she swore wasn't his, that Jack couldn't stop himself from asking, "Why're you doing this? No one's expecting you to, especially not her."

At the back of his mind, he was afraid that even after all the time that had passed, Kevin was still harbouring some secret hope of winning her back, but he relaxed when the other man shrugged. "This isn't about me, if that's what you're asking," he said with a rueful smile. "I know she loves you, and there's no reason she shouldn't. But she was the love of my life – I just need to be sure that she's okay, and that she's happy, before I let her go." He shrugged again as his voice broke with emotion, glancing briefly, sheepishly, at Jack as he added, "You get that, right?"

As fervently as Jack wished that he could deny it, he did, because he knew that if he was ever in the same position, he'd want the same thing, no matter how much it hurt. "Yeah," he agreed, swallowing, his own eyes travelling to the leaves at their feet as he said, "If it helps, I didn't set out to break up your marriage. I really thought she was gonna go back to you when we found you, and I was prepared to accept that. I had no ideas things were gonna turn out the way they did."

"But you're not sorry?" Kevin checked, his expression unreadable, and Jack wasn't sure how to respond. He wasn't, but he didn't know that he should tell him that, not when there was a chance that it could provoke him.

"No, I'm not," he agreed in the end, deciding that, at the very least, he deserved the truth.

Clenching his jaw to keep his anger in check, Kevin nodded, seemingly grateful to him for not trying to sugar coat it. "Good, because I meant what I said about it being a 'get in her pants' thing. I wouldn't've stood for that. She deserves better."

Surprised and curious, Jack glanced back at him, wondering if it was really possible for him to care that much about Kate when she'd given him more than enough reasons to hate her. No one was that noble. It would put the rest of the world to shame. "How can you say that after everything she did to you?" he asked. "If someone I loved lied to me like that, I'm not sure I have it in me to be that forgiving."

Kevin sighed, looking worn beyond his years as he rubbed the back of his hand across his brow. "I'm not really," he confessed, shattering the one-dimensional "nice guy" image Jack had always had of him; he'd always viewed him as something of a sap, a push over, but as he continued to talk, Jack realised that he was finally seeing the real man underneath. It saddened him to think that in another life, they probably would have been friends.

"I always knew there was something about her, the way she wouldn't talk about her past, but I guess I just didn't want to see it. I could've fought harder for her, but I didn't, because I knew deep down that even if we managed to work things out, it would never be the same, not once I knew the truth.

"I like Kate, but I loved Monica. I tried seeing them as the same person – thought it might help me get past it – but the more I get to know her, the more I realise that that's not who she is. She's Kate, and you love her for that – that's why it makes more sense for her to be with you."

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After 43 chapters of Kate it was weird to write Jack again, but I hope you enjoyed the Jack and Kevin bonding, not the least of all because I stayed up until 3am writing it! 

Next chapter: We return to Kate and Juliet for Juliet's explanation, and I promise it's not that she made a mistake, even though, as Tahti points out, her calulations only work for average women... ;)


	45. Chapter 45

Thanks for the reviews. I'm pleased that you all liked the Jack and Kevin bonding. I know you're all hanging out for my explanation about Kate, so here it is, based on a theory I have about why Claire and Rousseau cheated death, and why Sun most likely will as well. Hope it's not too confusing... ;)

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Chapter 45. Not So Special After All

"What do you mean both of us should be dead?" Kate probed, panicking, pushing herself up further onto her elbows in spite of the pain in her wrists. Juliet switched off the monitor, and she was sad to see the grainy image go, but at that moment, she was more concerned with getting an answer to her question.

"All of the women who conceive here die," Juliet told her calmly as she went back to pouring over her printouts. "They reach a certain point in their pregnancy and their bodies turn on the foetus, attacking it as a foreign object. None of them make it past the second trimester. Until now." She glanced up again, studying Kate with scientific interest as she considered this; the effect was unnerving: it made Kate feel an animal in an observation enclosure.

"If that's true, and I got pregnant on this island," she demanded, refusing to believe that this wasn't just another mind game, "why didn't the same thing happen to me?"

"I don't know," Juliet agreed, putting the pages down and getting to her feet. "I'll have to run some more tests." She started bustling around again, preparing equipment, including one of the ubiquitous syringes, though this one was bigger and more lethal-looking than the first.

"Since I'm the lab rat here," Kate asked, her heart beating wildly as she imagined her sticking it in her, injecting her like Claire, "do I even get a say?"

Juliet eyed her with the same detached look, a faint smile turning up the corners of her lips. "No," she agreed. "I was brought here to find out why the women on this island can't have babies. If you can, then there must be something about you that explains it. It's my job to figure out what that is – then we can both go home."

Kate gaped at her, incredulous, wondering if she really thought she was naïve enough to buy that. "You think They're gonna just let me go?"

Juliet's smile widened. "Yes, Kate, I do."

"But not until I've had the baby?" she checked, despondent when Juliet nodded.

"That's right."

She felt a surge of anger go through her at the other woman's admittance of this: She didn't even have the scruples to lie. "Are They gonna experiment on him too?"

Juliet's cool eyes danced with amusement. "Aside from your friend's, there hasn't been a baby born here in over sixteen years," she said. "And since the selection criteria is pretty steep, I think it's safe to say that our numbers are dwindling fast."

For a moment, Kate wondered if this was a dig at her about Ethan, and what Jack had done to him. If she didn't agree to let her go soon, _with_ her baby, she was pretty sure that she would be capable of the same thing. "So you want to turn him into one of _you_?" she insisted, horrified by the idea of Them using her son like that, of Them turning him against her and Jack, and all of their friends.

"Not me – Them," Juliet clarified, though Kate wondered if there was really a difference. Whatever her reasons, she was still complicit. "Believe it or not, Kate, but I want the same thing you and your friends do. I want to get off this island."

"So that's it?" Kate agreed, fighting a wave of revulsion. "You want to go home, and you're using my baby to do it?"

As she'd come to expect, Juliet didn't deny it, producing a tiny silver key instead. "I'll tell you what, Kate," she said in the same reasonable tone, as if she were a friend asking Kate for a favour, dangling the key tantalisingly all the while, "You let me do a full work-up, take some blood and amniotic fluid, and I might forget to cuff you when I leave."

It took Kate a moment of careful processing to register what she'd said, and then she couldn't help asking, suspicious of this strange quid pro quo, "How do I know I can trust you?"

Juliet grinned, offering her a slight shrug. "You don't."

As much as she hated having to depend on one of Them for anything, Kate knew that agreeing was her only option, especially since she was going to take the samples with or without her permission; she nodded, hesitating when Juliet reached for the larger of the two syringes. "It's not gonna hurt the baby, is it?"

It was meant to be reassuring, but the smile Juliet gave her was almost predatory as she said, "No, Kate, the baby'll be fine."

Kate had given blood before, but she wasn't prepared her for the pain she felt on having a needle inserted into her belly; she was sure that she was going to pass out, but then it was over, and she could relax, sinking back against the pillows with her eyes squeezed shut. The baby didn't like it either: she could feel him throwing his weight around in what was almost a tantrum, protesting the intrusion, relieved that he didn't seem affected by it.

Instructing her not to move, in case it caused a tear in the baby's amniotic sac, Juliet disappeared after that, out into the main room of what Kate was surprised to note, on seeing out into the hall, looked like a house, returning what she was sure was hours later with another stack of printouts.

"So what's the verdict?" Kate asked, bored and frustrated at not being able to launch an escape in her absence in case it compromised the baby. "Are we really freaks of nature?"

"No, everything came back normal," Juliet agreed, glancing up from the pages, surprised.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Kate pointed out, relieved that her test results showed nothing out of the ordinary, since it meant that she was more likely to let them her go.

"It's not, it's just…" Juliet let out an ironic laugh, as if she couldn't quite believe what she was going to say, "…unusual."

When Kate stared back at her blankly, confused as to why this would be the case, she continued, explaining, "I don't know how much of this you're aware of, but we're sitting on top of a magnetic anomaly. As near as any of us has been able to tell, that button you've been pressing is designed to keep it under control, since too much magnetism can be harmful to the people living here. Just the right amount, though…

"When it's low enough, it seems to increase the level of antibodies in the blood, to the point that everyone here heals ten times faster than anywhere else. They don't get sick, either, except for the pregnant women."

"So what does all this have to do with me?" Kate asked, deciding that it all sounded a little too fantastic, like something from a science fiction novel.

"Your blood work didn't match the other women's," Juliet said, holding up one of the printouts so that she could see it. It all just looked like a bunch of random numbers and percentages to Kate so she waited for the doctor to carry on with her explanation. "The antibodies were there, just not in the same volume, which I think might explain why you've been able to maintain a healthy pregnancy. Your body didn't feel the need to attack the baby as an antigen the way the others' did – basically, it did what it was supposed to do."

"So if there's nothing special about me," Kate asked tentatively, afraid that she'd misinterpreted the other woman's words, "does that mean you're gonna let me go like you said?"

Juliet flashed her an irritated look, seemingly annoyed at her for spelling out what she herself had only hinted at. "I never said I was going to do anything," she reminded her, her eyes cautioning her to keep her mouth shut, "but you're right, if my theory's correct, you won't be good to us for much longer. In a couple of months, the antibodies in your blood will catch up to the other women's, and you'll die if you get pregnant again."

She retrieved the silver key from the pocket of her lab coat, inserting it into one of the cuffs. "You should enjoy your time with your baby," she agreed, letting first one, then the other, swing loose, "because if you stay here, it's the only one you're gonna have."

* * *

So that's my big idea, based on a theory I read that due to prolonged exposure to the magentism, people living on the island have superhuman immune systems which protect them from disease, but in the case of pregnancy, treat the baby as a harmful antigen, attacking it. The baby fights back against the mother's body, which results in both of their deaths.

Next chapter: Jack and Kevin reach the barracks, and a little surprise (although that might be in chapter 47, depending on how long it is -- I should probably warn you, if you didn't guess from the Jack / Kevin conversation, that we're nearing the end here!)... ;)


	46. Chapter 46

I'm gonna post this chapter because I've written it, and it's not fair to punish the people who are doing the right thing, but I've gotta say, three reviews (out of 140, which is roughtly how many hits I get in the first twenty four hours) that's pretty disappointing, especially when so many of you say you love this story and told me you wanted it to continue. I would really like to reach 400 before the end, which isn't that unreasonable, so please, please drop me a line, even if it's only a couple of words. I'm killing myself updating at this rate, so without some sort of response, I can't say that it's worth it...

I'm not trying to be bitchy, and I'm really sorry if it comes across that way, I'm just asking that you acknowledge the effort I've put in, however briefly. ;)

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Chapter 46. Don't Scream 

The sun went down shortly after Jack and Kevin set out, plunging them into darkness, but still, they kept walking, unwilling to admit defeat by calling it a night. Kate was out there somewhere, pregnant, and trapped as a result; after getting her into this mess, Jack felt he owed that it to her to get her out before the Others had a chance to hurt her, or steal their unborn child.

As they pushed on through the pitch-black jungle, he was relieved that he hadn't thought to ask Sayid; he might have a cooler head in a crisis, but as a result, he was unlikely to condone what they were doing. He'd probably call it a suicide mission, and in a way, he would be right, but while it was left unsaid between them, Jack knew, from their conversation earlier, that Kevin was just as prepared to accept the consequences as he was.

He had already been north west with Kate, searching for the tail, and later, north east, to the radio tower, so they agreed to head due north; not only was it the only part of the island that remained completely unexplored, but, as they soon discovered, it was protected by a sonic barrier, which only served to strengthen Jack's belief that somewhere beyond it was facility where they were holding Kate.

"Know what we're gonna do when we get there?" Kevin asked once they were on the other side, as they trudged across an open field with only the light of the moon to guide them.

"No," Jack agreed, somewhat sheepishly, realising that his plan only extended as far as Kate. "Guess I didn't think that far ahead."

"So you were just gonna go _Commando_ on their asses and charge in there, gun blazing?" Kevin suggested, grinning as he glanced sidelong at him.

"Pretty much," Jack confessed, cringing slightly as he added, "Stupid, huh?" surprised when the other man shrugged.

"It's a solid plan, though maybe not the best one if you wanna be around to see your kid grow up," he allowed with a rueful smile, less sure of himself as he added, "Mind if I suggest a better one?"

"Sure," Jack agreed, realising that now was not the time to be petty, not when he needed all the help he could get. He was out of his depth, and he knew it. "Go ahead."

"We don't make into this a revenge trip," Kevin warned him, all seriousness now, eyeing him with a look that assured him that he saw right through him, and what he was planning to do. "We get in, get Kate, and get out before anyone realises what's happening. If we're lucky, we'll be halfway back to the beach before They even notice she's gone."

"What if she's being guarded?" Jack argued, not satisfied with any plan that prevented him from getting his message across.

Kevin grinned again, chuckling in a way that was almost affectionate. "Then, by all means, kick their asses," he agreed, and in spite of the heaviness in his heart, Jack found that he was laughing too.

"Think it's much further?" he asked when they composed themselves, and Kevin's smile turned wry as he raised his shoulder in another half shrug.

"Guess we'll find out."

* * *

Juliet left the house after uncuffing Kate, but when she crept out of the bedroom, into the foyer, she found that the door was unlocked. Her clothes were still missing, so peering out, seeing that the courtyard was empty, she let herself out in the thin, papery gown they'd been replaced with, keeping to the shadows as she edged along the outer wall. Her stomach still hurt from where the needle had pierced it, the pain creeping into her lower back, but she was determined to be on the beach, with Jack, before morning, so she pressed on, doing her best to ignore it. 

Halfway to the next bank of houses, she heard voices, backing up in time to see Juliet talking to a small, bug-eyed man as they headed in the direction she'd come. The doctor appeared to be stalling, giving her time to escape, but Kate knew that it was only a matter of time before her deception was discovered, and the whole community was dispatched to look for her.

Moving as fast as her declining fitness would allow, she slipped past them, to the safety of the adjacent awning, her heart sinking as she saw how far much further she still had to go. It was at least another half a mile to the jungle, and who knew how many more after that that: there was no way she'd make it before They caught up to her and dragged her back, making it impossible for her to escape a second time.

She'd only made it as far as the third house when she heard a shout, followed by footsteps as a man came running out. All around the courtyard people were emerging, rallied by the bug-eyed man's cry; at least half of them armed with what she hoped were tranquilliser guns.

Unsure of how to get around them without being seen, she stopped, pressing her back against the side of the building as she tried to regulate her breathing, but she couldn't stop herself from letting out a muffled cry as the ache in her belly intensified, searing her insides. Closing her eyes, willing it down to a more manageable level, she gasped, panic rising inside her, as a hand clamped over her mouth.

"_Don't scream_," a voice whispered, close to her ear, but instead of filling her with fear, it caused her to relax, nodding, throwing her arms around its owner as soon as he released her.

"Jack," she choked out, burying her face in his chest as her eyes flooded with tears of relief. "I'm so glad you're here."

"I wish I could say the same thing," he murmured, kissing the top of her head as he held her close, as unwilling to let go of her as she was of him. "Are you okay? Did They hurt you?" He pulled back to survey her in the dim light, his eyes travelling from her face, to her belly, and back again, as if to reassure himself that everything was the same as it had been the last time he saw her.

"No," she assured him, biting her lip as another wave of pain crashed over her, making her dizzy. "They did some tests, but I'm okay."

He must have seen her flinch, because he didn't look convinced. "Are you sure? Because you don't look so good."

He moved closer, as if to examine her, his brow furrowed with concern, but she brushed his hand away. "I'm fine," she repeated, not wanting to waste any more time on what was probably nothing; a reaction to the procedure Juliet had performed.

"Okay," he agreed, looking miffed, reluctant to let it go. "We should get moving then."

Slipping an arm around her waist, which she was secretly grateful, he ushered her around the side of the building, stopping when another figure, too tall to be Sayid, appeared in front of them.

"There's about thirty of Them," a second voice informed them, and to her surprise, she recognised it as Kevin's. "They're heading out into the jungle – if we go the long way, and double back, we should miss Them." He glanced over at Kate, giving her a slight nod, and a faint grin as he said, "Hey."

Uncomfortable at being in such close proximity to the two men she'd loved; her husband, and the father of her unborn child; she returned his smile with an awkward "Hey", letting Jack support her as they followed him through the row of yards.

The pain had reached an almost unbearable crescendo, shooting down into her legs, causing her to grit her teeth against the whimper threatening to escape. She wanted to keep convincing herself that it was normal, that it would go away, but she couldn't stop thinking about what Juliet had said, about giving the little hole time to heal. She'd glossed over the list of complications, insisting that they were rare this late, but Kate knew that one of them was pre-term labour, because she hadn't found out until afterwards, and she'd worried that it was all part of the other woman's plan: the sooner she had the baby, the sooner They could claim it and send her back to the beach where she couldn't interfere with its upbringing.

She knew she should say something to Jack, but they were making good time, and she didn't want to give him an excuse to slow down. Once they were home, and they were safe, she would have the baby, but until then, she was determined to keep it inside her, where she could protect it.

She tried to keep the pace, but her legs felt like concrete; even leaning bodily on Jack, she was finding it difficult to force one foot in front of the other, leaving her no choice but to accept Kevin's help as well, bracing herself against each other their shoulders. She wanted to stop, and she could tell that Jack did too, but they were still too close, broaching the no-man's-land between the jungle and the Others' camp.

"How're you doing? Are you okay?" he asked, his eyes full of gentle concern, as they broke through the tree line, into the jungle, where the Others were still crashing around. They sounded too close for comfort, but sooner or later they were going to have to make a break for it if they wanted to return to the beach.

"Yeah," she breathed, but she couldn't seem to manage more than that, fighting back tears. It wasn't supposed to happen here, like this, with people chasing them. She was supposed to at least be free.

"Just a little further and we can take a break," Jack told her, tightening his arm around her waist, in a kind of half hug, and she nodded, too exhausted to speak.

"Is she gonna make it?" Kevin pressed, glancing over at her, his expression mirroring Jack's. "She looks like she's gonna drop."

"She'll be fine," Jack assured him, though she could tell by the way he was looking at her that he didn't believe it; he was only saying it because he knew that she was listening, and he needed her to find the strength to keep moving.

Creeping along at a snail's pace, they wove through the trees, progressing another hundred yards until a man, unheard by them until the last moment, burst out onto the path, fixing them with his gun as he cried, "Hey, I got 'em!"

But before he could supply his friends with their location, a crack rang out to Kate's left; blood bloomed across his chest as his knees buckled and he fell to the ground, dead. Realising that she was no longer supported on both sides, she glanced over to see Kevin a few pace behind, lowering his own weapon.

"Nice shot," she told him shakily, collapsing into Jack now that the immediate threat was over. After all of his talk about being a coward, she was surprised to see him end another man's life so readily, but then, without a gun, he was in unfamiliar territory before. At least now he could pretend that he was just being a cop.

"Thanks." Flashing her a tight smile, he moved ahead of them, on the lookout for any more surprise attacks.

When the sounds of pursuit faded, Jack guided her to a tree stump, easing her down while Kevin swept the perimeter, crouching in front of her, her hands in both of his. "You said They ran some tests," he reminded her, his voice low and soothing. "What sort of tests? Were they like the ones They did to Claire?" He was trying to be patient, but she could hear the edge of panic in his voice as he tried to understand what was wrong with her.

"I think so," she agreed, taking a deep breath, forcing the pain back as she added, "But the woman I was with, she stuck a needle in me, to take some of the…" She closed her eyes, biting her lip as she forced herself to recall the exact term Juliet had used, so that he would know what she was talking about "…amniotic fluid." He was nodding, urging her on, so she inhaled again, letting it out in a rush as she finished: "She said there were risks, that I could go into labour, but a needle couldn't really do that, could it? Not unless she injected me with something…"

She trailed off, pleading with him to back her up on this, but he nodded grimly, shattering her hopes of making it back to camp when he tightened his grip on her hands, telling her gently, "Whoever she was, she was telling you the truth – what she did _can_ trigger an early labour this close to term. In fact, I've been watching you since we left the Others' camp, and I'm pretty sure you're having contractions."

* * *

Next chapter: If Jack thought Aaron's birth was stressful... Will he have time to deliver the baby before the Others catch them? ;) 


	47. Chapter 47

Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate that so many of you took my comments on board. It definitely inspired me to get this chapter out faster. ;)

* * *

Chapter 47. You Can Do This 

The knot of anxiety that was forming in the pit of Jack's stomach tightened when Kate shook her head.

"No, no, I'm not ready," she argued, bringing her knees together as if she thought that she could stop it, but, as if to illustrate his point, her water chose that moment to break, contradicting her.

"I know, I know, honey," Jack murmured as she burst into tears, cupping her face in his hands to get her to look at him. "But the baby is."

She shook her head again, her eyes wide as she whispered, "It's too early", breaking his heart.

"I wish there was another way," he told her, feeling trapped and angered by the situation. It was their first child; it wasn't supposed to happen like this. "But if you don't do this with me, she's not the only one who's gonna be in danger."

"_He_."

"What?" he asked, confused, not picking up on his own use of the pronoun until she repeated, "_He_. It's a boy."

"She told you that?" he checked, seeing, by her grim determination, that this was different to all the other times she'd insisted that they were having a son.

"Yeah," she agreed with a weak smile.

"Wow." Laughing in disbelief, he just stared at her while he digested this, simultaneously thrilled and terrified by the idea of having a son. Girls were easy; you could coddle them and no one would think any less of them, or you, but a boy… He didn't want to become his father, making his own child feel like he was never good enough.

Of course the first step towards that was making sure that he actually had a son…

"I know you're scared, Kate," he told her, letting go of her hands, and forcing her knees gently apart, "but I need you to do something for me. I need you to lean back and let me check on him, okay?" When she made no attempt to move, still looking horrified at the idea of giving birth in the middle of the jungle, he went on, trying to soothe her, "It's okay, just relax." Slowly, she leant back, squeezing her eyes shut as he peeled back the hospital gown she was wearing. "Good, good," he told her. "You're doing great."

"Looks like we're safe for the time being," he heard Kevin call as he returned from scouting the area. "Is she…?"

He glanced up when Kevin re-entered the clearing, awkward at being caught with his head between his ex-wife's legs. It was a little weird, even if he was a doctor. "The baby's coming – fast," he told him, dropping the gown back into place when Kate opened her eyes, embarrassed by the knowledge that Kevin was watching them. "She's not gonna make it back to the beach."

Snapping back into action, Kevin rushed over to them. "So what can I do?" he asked earnestly, his hand coming to rest on one of Kate's shoulders in a gesture of comfort.

"Just keep doing what you're doing," Jack said, not wanting to crowd her, or add to his own discomfort when he needed to concentrate. "We need to hold them off for as long as we can."

When, with a nod, Kevin stepped back into the jungle, Jack returned his attention to Kate. "We don't have much time," he told her, forcing himself to ignore the look she was giving him, "so when I say the word, I want you to push."

She choked back a sob, her eyes pleading with his to put her out of her misery as she said, "I can't."

"Yes, you can, Kate," he insisted, feeling sick. The longer it took, the more likely it was that the Others would find them, and take their son from them before he was even an hour old. He was pretty sure that They wouldn't have any qualms about killing all three of them to do it.

"I can't, Jack," she repeated, breaking down, tears sliding down her cheeks. "I'm so tired… I just want to sleep."

"You can when all this is over," he told her, his heart going out to her, hating to see her so defeated, "but right now, you have to do this – we're all counting on you."

"Jack…" she whispered, looking desperate, and he wondered if he'd been too hard on her, but before he could respond, Kevin appeared at his side, kneeling beside her, and taking her hand.

"Hey," he said softly to get her attention, brushing a damp curl back behind her ear. "Do you remember when I took you to meet my family?"

Watching her watch him so intently, nodding, Jack felt a surge of irritation flood through him at the irrelevance of this exchange. They didn't have time for diversions, especially ones that undermined his relationship with Kate, he thought, that old sense of possessiveness returning. "Is this really…?" he began, but Kevin ignored him, still focused on Kate.

"You were so scared. You kept telling me they were gonna hate you."

"That was different," she argued, sniffling, and to Jack's surprise, he nodded.

"You're right, it was harder. Anyone can have a baby, but going into a roomful of strangers, knowing that they could figure out who you were, and turn you in, that took a lot of courage. But you did it because you knew it was important to me." He smiled, squeezing her hand as he finished, "You can do this, Kate. You're braver than you think."

She nodded, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand.

Seeing that his words had had the desired effect, Kevin straightened, kissing the top of her head, and in spite of the jealousy he felt watching him achieve what he couldn't, Jack was secretly grateful to him when he added, "Thatta girl, now do exactly what Jack tells you. He won't let anything happen to you or the baby."

Retrieving his riffle, he headed back into the jungle, leaving the two of them to carry on alone. As soon as he was gone, Kate flashed Jack a watery smile, setting her jaw stubbornly as she waited for him to guide her through the rest of the process.

"The baby's crowning, so I need you to push, as hard as you can," he told her after checking her again, and this time she did, clamping her lips together tightly to avoid making too much noise. He could see her colouring with the exertion, not just of giving birth, but keeping silent, and he wished that he could tell her to cry out if she needed to, but they couldn't afford to alert the Others to what was happening.

She pushed again when he told her to, and again, and again, until the baby's head and shoulders were free, and he could lift him the rest of the way out.

"Look, Kate," he told her, his face splitting into a grin when it was over, and he was cradling their son in his arms, admiring his deep blue eyes and shock of dark hair in the moonlight, "You did it."

"Is he okay?" she asked eagerly, seeming to forget her exhaustion as she strained to get a better view.

"Why don't you see for yourself?" he agreed as, this time, he settled their own child in her arms, helping her to support him.

"He's so small," she breathed, awed, pinching his tiny thumb between two of her fingers. "I can't believe we made him."

Surveying the tree line to make sure that his cries hadn't alerted the Others, he saw Kevin watching them, and he could tell, by the sadness in his eyes, that for the first time, he didn't see his ex-wife and her boyfriend, but a family, one that he could never bring himself to break up. He nodded when he saw that Jack had seen him, as if to congratulate him, offering him a slight smile before disappearing back into the jungle.

"You're not disappointed, are you?" Kate asked when she picked up on the change in his mood, frowning as she added, "Because I know how much you wanted a girl."

"How could I be disappointed?" he asked, pushing Kevin out of his mind as he wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder so that he could study their son too. "He's a beautiful, healthy baby, and he's ours."

He wasn't expecting a response, but she tore her eyes away from their child, glowing with happiness as she told him, "He is, you know. That woman, Juliet, she did some equation to find out when I was due, and she worked out that I got pregnant after we crashed – probably the first night we were together."

As far as he'd been concerned, the baby had always been his, so he was surprised that hearing these words, having it confirmed, moved him to tears. It was as if all of the fear and the uncertainty of the last eight months left him at once, and he could finally enjoy the fact that he was a father.

"Thank you," he told her, kissing her, before resting his cheek against hers, not really sure whether he was talking about the news, or the baby, or both.

"I feel like I should be thanking you," she said with a smile, leaning back into his embrace as she continued to drink in every detail, and while he knew that they would have to start moving again soon, he never wanted that perfect moment to end.

* * *

There, a substantial amount of Jate, and a tiny bit of whatever you call the Kate/Kevin ship. Shavanda and I agreed that "Konica" is probably the best anyone's gonna come up with, given that their names start with the same letter and she technically wasn't Kate at the time...

For anyone who's disappointed, I thought about having him sacrifice himself to the Others, but the poor guy's been through enough. More than enough! So I'm gonna let him be happy with Libby, who has been exceptionally patient with him.

Next chapter: Back at the beach (You didn't really want to Others to take the baby, did you?! Especially since it's almost the end!). Kate finally gets some well-deserved rest, and the baby gets a name... ;)


	48. Chapter 48

Thanks for the reviews, and for not making that a one time token effort! As a reward, here is pointless baby fluff chapter number 2 ;)

For anyone who's wondering, doctors only insist on about half an hour's rest after giving birth, and then technically you can be up and around again. Sometimes, if the hospital needs to send you home quickly, that's pretty much all you get. So it's not that unrealistic for Kate to be back on her feet the same night...

* * *

Chapter 48. One Big Happy Family 

The sun had risen by the time they trudged into camp, weary but triumphant, Kate still clutching the baby as if nothing in the world could ever make her let go. Both Jack and Kevin had offered to take him for her, to lighten her load, but she'd flatly refused, determined that if they were ambushed, and it came to that, it would be her cold, dead arms that the Others pried him from. She couldn't fight her exhaustion forever, though, giving in once Kevin went off to find Libby, and she and Jack reached their tent, letting him bond with their son while she allowed her body time to heal.

He was sitting with Claire when she remerged hours later, feeling rested, and eager to hold her son again, grinning when she saw him sprawled on a towel with Aaron, the two babies ignoring each other for the most part.

"We were just introducing him to his cousin," Jack told her, reaching up to help her as she eased herself into the sand beside them.

"You should have seen them before – they were holding hands. Jack said it was just a reflex, but it was so cute. I wish I had a camera," Claire said wistfully, offering her a sympathetic wince as she added, "How're you feeling?"

"Tired. Sore. Ecstatic," Kate confessed, her grin broadening, unable to conceal her joy now that the worst was over, and she and Jack had a beautiful healthy little boy.

"Until I had Aaron, I had no idea that I could feel that that good and that lousy at the same time," Claire agreed with a laugh, looking down at her son affectionately. "I'm glad I went through with it, though, 'cause I just love him to bits, don't I, little man?" She tickled Aaron's bare belly and he laughed in response, kicking his legs in the air.

As they watched them, Kate glanced over at Jack, and she knew that he was thinking the same thing: that even though their son was the result of carelessness on both of their parts, he wouldn't change it for the world, and neither would she.

"What's his name?" Claire asked when Aaron crawled away, prying a bug out of his hands before he could put it in his mouth. "Ta, Aaron, ta. Give that to Mummy. Good boy."

"All the ones we had were for girls," Kate admitted, realising that they were still yet to discuss this. "I tried coming up with some boys' ones, but Jack wouldn't let me. He kept telling me I'd jinx it," she reminded him with a teasing nudge in the ribs.

"We could still use Emma," he told her with a playful grin, and she hit him again, harder this time.

"It reminds me of that Johnny Cash song, 'A Boy Named Sue'. He kept getting into fights," Claire agreed with a giggle, "so at least you wouldn't have to worry about him not being able to defend himself."

"Call me old fashioned, but I'm not giving _my son_ a girl's name," Kate said, fixing Jack with her most piercing look, causing all three of them to dissolve into laughter when she couldn't maintain it for long. Aaron laughed too, glancing from Kate, to Claire, and back again, to let them know that he was in on the joke, though Kate doubted that he had any clue as what they were talking about.

"I actually have a suggestion," Jack said seriously, scooping the baby up off the towel, and settling him in his arms. When Kate looked at him expectantly, eager to have it resolved, he licked his lips, his eyes darting to Claire before meeting hers. "If it's okay with both of you, I'd like to call him Christian, after our father, since we did sort of agree that he was indirectly responsible for all this." He gestured around their little circle: himself, Claire, Aaron, Kate and their son: one big happy family.

"I think that's a good idea," Kate agreed, knowing how much it meant to him to be able to honour his father that way when he never had the chance to make amends. Considering that the baby was born less than nine months after his death, she thought it was almost fitting, like fate.

"I think he would've liked that," Claire said, looking sad, as she always did, at the mention of the father she would never know.

"Christian Samuel Shephard," Kate tried out once it looked like it was unanimous, deciding that she didn't mind it as much as she thought she would.

Any doubts she had evaporated when Jack beamed at her, his eyes glistening with unshed tears as he leaned in to kiss her, before setting Christian back down on the towel with Aaron. "This is your cousin Christian," he told his nephew proudly, running his fingers through his sparse hair to get his attention, exchanging a grin with Claire as he added, "but we're gonna make sure you guys are more like brothers."

* * *

Later that night, while Jack debriefed Sayid on their visit to the Others' camp, Kate was sitting on the beach with Christian, watching the waves, when Kevin sat down beside her. 

"You look like you've bounced back well," he said after a moment, glancing over at her before returning his attention to the water. "Motherhood suits you, but then I always knew it would."

"I guess it does," she agreed, knowing that this wasn't what he'd come there to say. Deciding to make the most of the time they had alone, she cleared her throat. "Thanks for being there for me last night – I don't think I could've done it without you."

He let out a low laugh, turning to her with a lopsided grin as he said, "You didn't need me, Kate. You never needed me – not as much as I needed you."

She wasn't sure what to say to this, whether or not she should agree, but fortunately, she was saved from having to make a decision when he changed the subject. "Has the little guy got a name yet?" he asked, nodding at Christian.

Kate smiled, looking down at her son. She'd just fed him, and he was sleeping peacefully swaddled up in his blanket, his brow furrowed, his lips slightly parted, his fingers curled against her. "We're calling him Christian, after Jack's father. He died in Sydney, a couple of days before the crash," she explained.

Kevin nodded. "That's nice. If we'd had a son, I think I would've wanted to name him after my father too," he told her with a rueful smile, watching Christian's tiny chest rise and fall.

Seeing how transfixed he was, Kate felt a pang of guilt, knowing that it if weren't for the strange turn their lives had taken, it could just as easily have been their baby in her arms. "You wanna hold him?" she asked, hoping that it would make him a little less sad.

He looked up at her, surprised, but he was smiling for real when he said, "Sure."

She transferred her son into his arms, watching his expression soften as he settled him against his chest. "He's beautiful, Kate," he told her, studying the baby's face carefully as he stirred and looked up at him. "The colour's wrong, but his eyes are definitely Jack's. He's got your mouth, though… and your stubbornness. No wonder you had such a hard time of it last night – I think between you and Jack, he's got you both beat."

He seemed so at home with the baby, even though he wasn't his; another awkward silence fell between them, but this time, Kate was the one to break it. "This might be a little weird, but would you like to be his godfather? You risked your life for us last night – I want him to grow up knowing that."

Stunned, Kevin tore his eyes away from the baby, his expression dubious, as he seemed to realise how spontaneous the decision had been. "And Jack's okay with this arrangement? Because if the situation were reversed…"

She knew what he was going to say, but she shrugged, cutting him off. "I'll have to run it by him," she agreed, slightly embarrassed that she hadn't thought to do it before, "but I'm sure he'll be fine with it." She wasn't, but she figured that he owed her for letting him choose the baby's name.

Kevin didn't answer, so she nudged him with her elbow, teasing him by adding, "I'm gonna ask Libby to be the godmother."

He chuckled at her not so subtle hint, his face splitting into a grin. "In that case," he agreed, "I'd love to."

They sat together for a long time, adjusting to the change between them, until Christian started to fuss, and Kate excused herself to put him to bed.

Jack appeared at the entrance to their tent as she was laying him down in Aaron's old cradle, and they both kissed him goodnight several times, watching him drift off in silence until Kate cleared her throat.

"I asked Kevin to be Christian's godfather," she confessed, waiting for Jack to pick a fight with her about it as she rushed on, "I know how you feel about him, so I hope you're not too pissed off at me, but I just wanted him to know how much we appreciate everything he did for us."

She was so busy making excuses to justify her decision that she almost missed his nod. "I'm not mad, Kate," he said, running a hand over his hair as he stifled a laugh at how neurotic she was being. "He's a great guy – I'm beginning to get what you saw in him."

"So you don't mind?" she checked, surprised at how well he was taking it. Not only was he not bothered by it, but he seemed to be agreeing with her.

He grinned, pulling her into his lap, and wrapping his arms around her. "Why would I mind," he agreed, brushing his nose against hers and kissing her, before pulling back so that they could see into each other's eyes, "when I get to be his father?"

* * *

I know some of you are gonna challenge me on the name, but I happen to believe that in spite of how complicated their relationship was, Jack worshipped his father (All he ever wanted was to be worthy of being his son -- he never came to the conclusion, like Christian did, that he was actually a better man!). That's why he took it so hard when he caught him drinking on the job, because it was one of those shattering moments where we realise that are parents are capable of making mistakes just like we are. And that's why he agreed to help cover it up, until his conscience got the better of him. 

Next chapter: There's only one or two more depending on how I split the material. I can't tell you too much, but I'll probably skip a few months into the future. ;)


	49. Chapter 49

Thanks for the reviews. What is it with you guys and fluff, though? Those chapters always seem to get the weakest response... I guess it just goes to prove my theory -- angst is more fun! ;)

* * *

Chapter 49. Good and Bad News 

They were rescued a year after the crash, when Christian was three months old. Kate was in their tent, changing him, when Jack burst in to tell her the news.

"How?" was all she could think of to say as she stared at him, shocked, but he didn't have an answer; no one did. All anyone could come up with was that someone had finally seen Sayid's signal fire, which had burned continuously throughout the twelve months they'd been stranded there.

After obtaining their flight number, the Search and Rescue team radioed through for a copy of the manifest to separate the living from the deceased. Hanging back with Jack, holding onto him with one hand, and their son with the other, watching their friends give their names and embark on the boat, Kate felt her stomach twist up in knots, afraid that someone would recognise her. She couldn't go to prison, not now that she'd begun to settle down, where she would only be able to see her family from the other side of a glass wall.

"Surnames, please," the team leader said when it was their turn to board, his pen poised over the pages in front of him as he prepared to check them off.

"Austen," Kate told him softly, trying not to think about it too much, tightening her grip on both Jack's hand and Christian, but when he met her eyes it was with confusion rather than fear.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, but there's nothing under that name," he said, all apologies, as if he thought she was going to make a scene, and it came rushing back to her: she hadn't boarded the plane as herself. She'd been Kate for so long now that she'd almost forgotten.

"Oh God, I'm sorry," she said with a quick glance at Jack, afraid that he would single her out as suspicious, her cheeks flushing with what the other man must have taken for embarrassment. "That's my maiden name."

She was relieved when he laughed, nonplussed. "Don't sweat it," he agreed, turning back to his clipboard. "My wife used to do it all the time when we were first married. Surname, please."

"Callis," she answered, her voice coming out unusually high, the instinct to lie dulled by months of telling the truth.

"Okay, Monica," he said with a smile as he put a tick next to it. "And this must be Kevin."

It was Jack's turn to look embarrassed as he said, "Actually, that's Kevin," pointing him out before adding uncomfortably, "I'm Jack. Jack Shephard."

"Shephard…" the team leader repeated, finding it on the list, his eyebrow slightly raised when he glanced up at them again, noting the grip that Kate had on Jack's hand. "Mind if I get the young fellow's details?" he asked, his lips forming an O of surprise when Jack said, "Shephard, as well. Christian."

"That's great," he told them, concentrating on making a note of this in the margin next to Jack's name, waiting until one of his colleagues had helped Kate and Christian into the little rowboat to look up.

"_Jezebel_," Jack mouthed, seated across from her, teasing her, as the other man began to row, causing her to blush and dissolve into giggles. "_Scarlet woman._"

"_Homewrecke_r," she retorted, and he laughed too.

Sobering up, neither of them spoke for a long moment, until Kate asked softly, "What's gonna happen now, Jack?"

Staring down at the bottom of the boat, he considered her question, before confessing, "I don't know. But I meant what I said – I want this to work."

They didn't talk about it on the boat, using the time to say goodbye to their friends, some of whom they weren't sure they would ever see again. Kate thought about saying something to Kevin, knowing that once the ship docked, he would fly home to Miami, while she went with Jack to L.A., but when she tried, her mind went blank; it saddened her too much to acknowledge the fact that their relationship had finally come to an end.

When they reached Sydney Harbour, many of their families were already there, waiting at the crisis centre set up for that purpose. There was no one there for Kate, her only living relative, her father, oblivious to the fact that she'd been on the plane to begin with, so she sat on a bench outside with Christian while Jack went to look for his mother. They'd agreed that he should talk to her before she was confronted with their relationship, and a grandchild she hadn't known existed.

Christian didn't seem to be handling the transition too well, the unfamiliar sights and sounds making him fussy; Kate had climbed to her feet, and was pacing with him against her shoulder, trying to soothe him, when she heard a voice she recognised behind her.

"Monica!"

Hearing the name now, after so long, made her cringe. Swallowing hard, she turned, steeling herself for what was sure to be an awkward conversation. "Suzanne."

"Monica," Kevin's mother repeated, hugging her before she had the chance to say anything more. "You have no idea how relieved I was to get that call." When she pulled back, Kate saw that she was crying, her eyes shining with tears as she shifted them to Christian.

"And who is this dear little creature?" she asked, more to the baby than to Kate as she tickled his chin, making Kate's throat constrict painfully as she tried to figure out how to answer that without hurting her. How could she tell her that while she'd gotten her son back, she'd lost a daughter-in-law, and the grandchild she thought she now had?

"Suzanne…" she began, but she was saved from having to finish the sentence when Kevin spotted them.

"Mom…"

"Kevin!" Suzanne cried, pulling him into a fierce, drawn out hug while he shot Kate an apologetic look over her head. "You told me Monica wanted to wait before having children," she reminded him, swatting his arm affectionately when she released him.

"I know, I was surprised too," Kevin agreed in what Kate thought was probably the understatement of the year, scratching the back of his head with a sheepish look.

Behind them, Kate could see Jack scanning the crowd for her; excusing herself, she rushed over to meet him, relieved to escape that uncomfortable scene.

"Who's that?" she heard Suzanne ask when she was gone, confused by her abrupt exit, and Kevin sighed, half exasperated, half sad.

"That would be the boy's father."

"I thought you were his father," his mother insisted, and Kate could hear the indignation in her tone. "You're her husband."

"We're separated, Mom," he explained with another sigh. "And before you go jumping to any conclusions, she didn't cheat on me. We didn't know each other as well as we should have when we got married, and when we realised that, we decided to call it quits," he went on, choosing his words diplomatically. "She met Jack around the same time, and she's happy now."

"What about you? Are you happy?" Suzanne pressed, still sounding uncertain. Kate couldn't blame her: now that she was a mother herself, with a son of her own, she understood her desire to protect him.

He was silent at first, and Kate found that she was holding her breath, waiting to hear that he was okay, until he said, his tone lightening, "Yeah, Mom, I am. There's someone I want you to meet."

Smiling to herself as their voices faded, blending in with the crowd, she turned back to Jack. "Did you find your mom?"

"Yeah," he agreed, laughing as he slipped his arm around her, leading her inside. "She was pretty confused to hear that Jack and Christian Shephard were safe, and on their way back to Sydney, after I called and told my father was dead."

"I hope she wasn't too mad," she said, cringing at the mistake. "Or disappointed."

"No, I think finding out that we named her first grandchild after him softened the blow," he told her with a grin.

They were still searching the crowd of mother and fathers, husbands and wives, sisters and brothers, and children, when Jack stopped her so suddenly that Christian let out a shriek of protest. "While we're alone, I wanna ask you something," he said, pulling her off to one side, away from the others, all seriousness as he rested a hand on each of her biceps.

"Sure," she agreed, apprehensive. "What it is?"

"I've been thinking about it since we got on the boat," he explained, and she felt her stomach tighten, remembering the question she'd asked him minutes before that, "and I think we should get married."

"What?" she asked, gaping at him; she was expecting him to talk about lawyers and appeals and fighting, and here he was proposing to her. "Jack, you know I—"

"Can't, right," he agreed, nodding, seeming to have anticipated this response, "_Legally_. But what you had with Kevin wasn't legal and you were willing to accept that – and so am I. I just want to be able to call you my wife." He grinned, looking smug as he added, "Besides, they're looking for Kate _Austen_, not Kate Shephard."

He had her there; it was win-win. "Okay," she agreed, her face splitting into a matching grin as she let him pull her into his arms. "On one condition."

"Anything."

She laughed, only half joking as she said, "We go on a cruise for our honeymoon."

* * *

Okay, so that was chapter 49. One more to go, the usual epilogue... ;) 


	50. Chapter 50

Thanks for the reviews. That was basically the end, but to round it all off, here is the usual epilogue, albeit with one slight difference... ;)

* * *

Chapter 50. Sunday Afternoons 

It was another scorching summer's day in L.A. and Kate was sitting on a beach blanket with Libby and Claire, watching a game of football unfold. There were only four players: Aaron, Christian, and Kevin and Libby's five-year-old sons Matthew and Andrew, but between them, they had enthusiasm enough for a whole team.

Seven years had passed since the rescue, but the Shephards, the Callises and the Paces still saw each other every weekend; the women sometimes five or six times a week since their children attended the same public school. These Sunday afternoon barbeques had become something of a ritual since Kevin moved to L.A. to be closer to Libby, provided that both he and Jack could get the day off work.

The children were divided into two teams: Aaron and Christian, the defending champions, on one side in what they collectively called team Shephard, with the younger Callis boys as their challengers. At seven and eight years old, Jack and Claire's sons were opposites in every physical way: while Christian was tall and dark, with his father's eyes and his mother's curls, Aaron was short and fair, but they couldn't have been closer if they'd been born to the same parents. In spite of how uneven the odds were, they'd refused, as always, to be separated, thrashing their less experienced opponents to both their parents' pride and embarrassment.

"Go Matty!" Libby cried when her son scored the boys' first touchdown, jumping up and pumping her fist in the air, colouring slightly when she realised that everyone else was just clapping politely. Kate couldn't blame her; ten minutes before, when Christian scored for their team, she and Claire had high-fived each other, grinning like morons.

"Did you see me, Daddy?" Matthew asked excitedly, seeming to forget that the game was still in progress, and that he had the ball, as he scurried over to where his father was drinking with Jack and Charlie as they took turns at the grill.

"Yeah, buddy, good job," Kevin told him with a grin, ruffling his hair when he dropped the ball and tackled him around the waist, beaming, "but you might wanna keep your tongue in your mouth next time – we don't want you biting it off."

"Okay," Matthew agreed, though Kate doubted he would remember when he was concentrating hard on winning, forgetting the ball as he bounced back over to the makeshift field.

As soon as he noticed this, Christian started towards it, but before he could retrieve it from where it had rolled under the table, a dark-haired toddler crawled out from underneath the tablecloth, tottering up the beach with the ball held out in front of her.

Exchanging a titillated glance with Jack, Kate laughed as she watched their two-and-a-half-year-old daughter, Emma, head for the hills, much to her son's chagrin.

"Give it back, Emmy!" he cried, chasing after her, causing her to giggle and run even faster. "You're not in the game – you're too little, _and_ you're a girl!"

"She gets that from you," Libby told Kate, her eyes twinkling with amusement, as Kate tried to decide whether or not it was time for her to step in. "You always had to play with the big boys."

Fortunately, Jack seemed to have it under control. "Chris! Let your sister play, okay, man?" he called, just as Christian managed to catch her, pinning her arms with his elbows as he pried her chubby fingers off the ball.

With a scowl, and a surly, "Yes, Dad," that made Kate dread his teenage years, he pushed it back into her hands, steering her to the place where the others were waiting. But before he could finish explaining the rules to her, she was off and running again in the opposite direction to the one she was supposed to be headed in.

"Other way, Emma!" he shouted, waving his arms while Aaron ran after her, trying to turn her around, both of them letting out exasperated sighs when she carried the ball into the endzone and promptly abandoned it in favour of trying to pick up a dead jellyfish. "You just gave them points!"

Kate climbed to her feet, preparing to bring her adventurous child back to the blanket before she reeked any more havoc, but as Christian started towards her, irate, the twin's six-year-old sister, Allie, stepped out in front of him. "You leave her alone Christian Shephard – she's just a baby. She can't help it," she told him, fixing him with her bossiest glare as she came to Emma's rescue, pulling her away from the jellyfish. "You too, Aaron Pace. Come on, Emmy."

Both boys looked cowed as, taking her hand, she led her away from the group, to where she and Aaron's five-year-old sister, Julia, were building a sandcastle together. "You can play with us."

"She gets that from _you_," Kate shot back with a grin, impressed, as always, by the little girl's diplomatic skills, and all three of them laughed.

"Hey, I just thought of something," Claire said, leaning back on her elbows, as they went back to dividing their attention between the two groups, Kate cringing when Emma pulverised the girls' sandcastle with her bare feet. She was a handful; "spirited", Jack always told her. "How weird would it be if they grew up and got married? Chris and Allie, I mean. They're always fighting."

"Too weird," Kate said, thinking back to her own brief marriage to Kevin, though secretly, she couldn't help the flood of warmth that surged through her at the idea of the three families being united forever. She couldn't ask for better in-laws for her son than his godparents.

"She's already got him henpecked," Libby agreed proudly, casting an apologetic glance at Kate, who couldn't deny it. For some reason, whenever Allison Callis spoke, her headstrong little boy listened.

"Burgers're ready!" Kevin called, clapping his hands to get everyone's attention, and abandoning their games, the children amassed on the table like a litter of puppies, the younger ones helped by their fathers.

Watching him with a smile, Kate couldn't help noting that in addition to filling his own plate, her son, who was tall enough to reach past the others without any trouble, also prepared one for Emma, then Allie, a kind of peace offering, she supposed, which Allie graciously accepted. Libby was right; she kept him on an impressively short leash. They could all learn a thing or two from her.

When the children were all settled on blankets, Aaron, Christian and Allie in one group, and Matthew, Andrew and Julia in the other, their parents helped themselves to what was left. As Libby passed him at the grill, Kevin caught her around the waist from behind, kissing her, to her surprise, causing her to blush, and the boys to throw salad at them, which Kevin promptly returned, to their delight.

When Jack brought over their plates, Emma crawled from Kate's lap into his, and he helped her cut her burger into smaller, more toddler friendly pieces before starting on his own, while she dripped ketchup down his legs.

Beside them, Charlie flapped his own burger open and shut like a mouth, making it talk, and Emma giggle, while Claire watched him with an affectionate grin.

It was just another Sunday afternoon in L.A., but glancing around at her family and friends, Kate couldn't have been happier. Even if Christian and Allie grew apart, and married other people, they would always have this, and an experience no one else would ever understand, to unite them.

* * *

So that's the end. I know a lot of you want me to keep going, but I feel like it's reached it's natural conclusion, and that anything more would be overkill. I am, however, working on a new idea. It's canon, set after season three (real time, not flashforward time), so Kate will not be a pregnant teenager, but her criminal past will factor into it. It's based on the idea that Naomi was telling the truth, and the rescue was legit, and is basically my revenge on Sawyer for being such a jerk! It'll be a little bit different to my recent work, more of a slow build (I've always wanted to do one of those Jack and Kate as roommate stories), but hopefully you'll enjoy it. Thanks to everyone who reviewed (don't forget to let me know what you thought of the story as a whole!), and to Shavanda for acting as a sounding board for a lot of my ideas, and I'll see you next time. ;) 


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